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I need advice!

A forum for the off topic stuff. Everything from religion to philosophy to sex to humor (see why it used to be called Buggery?). All manner of rude psychological abuse is welcome and encouraged.
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spidergirl1nonly
El Asbestos Pajamas
Location: Inside my insanity
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I need advice!

Post by spidergirl1nonly » Mon Nov 15, 2004 7:52 am

I have a 'good friend' that I have been seeing the last few months. There has been many things that we have shared and there are many things that we have in common, but there are a few things that really irk me about this person, and I am just wondering if I have completely lost my mind; (which is still open for debate LOL), or if there has been some new rulebook written that I forgot to read....

The main (and pretty much only) problem I have with this individual is that this person likes to do this thing where they will ask me if I would enjoy their company; get me all excited that I will be getting to see them, and then won't call nor answer there phone on the date that we set. Then after I get upset, (because I thought it was common courtesy to at least call when you are going to cancel plans), this person calls the next day or two later and apologizes and gives some lame excuse for the mishap.

This has happened 4 times now. Normally with me, it's the ole 3 strikes your out thing; but this person keeps on talking thier way back into my good graces. Of course, I am a sucker for puppy-dog eyes amongst other things....
Plus we have so much in common and we have connected on a level that I don't normally connect with most people....

But the one thing that has me struggling the most is the uncertainty of things. I tend to over-analyze things, b ut it certainly seems to me like this person is either intentionally or unintentionally playing mind games with me. I am not quite sure. So, anybody ever have anything like this happen or have any advice?

Anything would be appreciated. I am thinking that I more need to have someone tell me what I already think I know here, but hey....
At least I'm reaching out, right?
:lol:


Don't look now but there's another rocky road..
But 2day I'm gonna face it, yeah, cuz I'm sick of dealin' any other way
Nobody said the race was fair but I'm gonna keep runnin' just the same!
2day, 2day is the first day of the rest of my life!
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badi
Magnum Jihad
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
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Post by badi » Mon Nov 15, 2004 1:13 pm

Simple solution: Confrontation! Ask person from face to face why he/she is fucking around with you? Tell him/her you don't like mind-fucking games and that he/she could go to hell if he/she wishes so.
Having had some "friends" that are the same I know what I'm talking about. It took courage (since I'm more of a coward when it comes to inter-human confrontation) but definately paid off. Today I know where I'm standing and it's a good feeling I can tell ya.

PS: Is this part of your "sorting-friends-out" business that you wanted to start?
If at first you don't succeed,
then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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smashinator
Barista of Doom
Location: Rancho Relaxo

Post by smashinator » Mon Nov 15, 2004 2:41 pm

Or, to paraphrase george carlin: Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em in the ass with a big rubber dick!!
There's no such thing as "too Mad Max."

http://pizzacrusade.blogspot.com/
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Abadon357
Magnum Jihad
Location: pittsburgh
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advise

Post by Abadon357 » Mon Nov 15, 2004 2:54 pm

sounds like they are playing with your head to me
REST IN PEACE APPOLLYON,

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maniacles
Ayatollah of Mayhem
Location: ground zero
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Post by maniacles » Mon Nov 15, 2004 6:00 pm

Tell him it upsets you. If he does it again dump him. He doesn't deserve you. Life is too short to be wasted being miserable.
AKA Krampus
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rhinoviper
Toe-Draggin' Speed Monkey
Location: Tiny Town
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Post by rhinoviper » Mon Nov 15, 2004 7:27 pm

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. That is, I question whether the person is intentionally fucking with you. What it sounds like to me is that you're the ol' stand-by. If that person feels like doing something but doesn't have a better offer, then s/he calls. If a better opportunity comes up, then they blow you off. The only reason it's happened as many times as it has (and will continue to do so) is because you've given this person permission to treat you like shit. Before confrontation, however, I would guage how important this person is to you and compare that with how important the situation is to you. Sounds to me like they are both pretty important, which would warrant confrontation. Good luck!
'00 SV650 "Banshee"
'03 Aprilia Tuono "dewey"
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schotzy
Maltov Rattlecan
Location: Phoenix, currently
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Post by schotzy » Mon Nov 29, 2004 8:15 am

The best advice from my personal heartbreak hell of the last year:
If it feels like you're getting fucked in your ass, you probably are.

And fuck his circumstances - if hewanted to spend that time with you, then with you is where he'd be. And bad luck doesn't equal thoughtlessness - lame excuses are exactly that - LAME and EXCUSES. Never be willing to waste time on anyone who isn't willing to waste theirs on you. You keep playing around with this one, your feelings will keep getting hurt, then you'll start to questions yourself, having doubts about your other relationships, etc., etc., and it is so NOT WORTH IT to lose yourself in someone else, believe me. When Maniacles says life is too short to be miserable, he is fucking 100 million percent right.

Good rules of thumb:
If it sounds like bullshit, it is.
If this early on, he says he will be there and shows that he won't, that isn't likely to change.
And anyone worth your tears won't make you cry.

I wish you strength and luck :wink:
Methylchloroisothiazolanone is my favorite word EVER.
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badi
Magnum Jihad
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
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Sounds like you need help from BADI-MAN

Post by badi » Mon Nov 29, 2004 12:29 pm

Robin: "Quick, Badi-Man, to the ashram! Your wisdom, help and advice is needed on the other side of that big ocean, oh you fat guru! They're flashing the big "Om-sign" into the nightsky. Seems there's a young damsel in distress!"
Badi-Man: "Hold on dumped girlfriends of America, help is on the way!"
Hastily he jumps into the next phone booth, changes into his infamous hideous, stained tracksuit. He rides his Bad-Bike really hard to reach the Bad-Cave in time and sits down at his trusted Badputer. He starts meditating on the problem on hand, seems to reach a conclusion and starts to type with his ultra-speedy, bendy and yoga-hardened Badfingers...

Spidergirl, oh you my unworthy scholar, why didn't you listen to my advice the last time? Didn't I tell you to start practicing yoga? It's about time you get your act together you girl you! Really, if you're not able to set your head straight then let the good old mofo of yoga do the job for you. Okay, it will actually not get rid of your problem but after a while you'll be able and strong enough to sort it out yourself!

Namaste, hare om, shanti shanti shanti

Badi-Man
If at first you don't succeed,
then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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rhinoviper
Toe-Draggin' Speed Monkey
Location: Tiny Town
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Post by rhinoviper » Mon Nov 29, 2004 6:54 pm

schotzy wrote: Good rules of thumb:
Anyone worth your tears won't make you cry.
Damn. I really like that. *walks away making mental note*
'00 SV650 "Banshee"
'03 Aprilia Tuono "dewey"
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schotzy
Maltov Rattlecan
Location: Phoenix, currently
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Post by schotzy » Tue Nov 30, 2004 9:16 am

Well, babes, it's a true story :wink:

I've made it a daily reminder in my email because I am pre-disposed to make excuses for other people's ill behavior and I am relaizing I hate the taste of shit sandwiches. :yuck: :shock: :/
Methylchloroisothiazolanone is my favorite word EVER.
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Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
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Post by Ames » Tue Nov 30, 2004 9:35 pm

goose wrote:Didn't really have anyone in mind when posting but....Hmm, well, I've endured things which, with the clarity of hindsight, left me wondering just how many times I needed to put my hand on the burner to determine it was hot. When you're skin is blistered...umm, you don't need to check the temperature anymore ya know? Perhaps I could have made that determination earlier? One thing for certain, I couldn't blame the stove for the burn, I'm the one who kept putting my hand there.
Wouldn't it be more American to sue the manufacturer of the stove since they obviously didn't provide adequate warnings?
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.
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The Shifty Jesus
Extra Crispy Compliance Officer

Post by The Shifty Jesus » Wed Dec 01, 2004 1:18 am

I have this little thing called a Zero-Bullshit-Policy.
I don't bullshit people, and I take the impact of my actions upon others into consideration when I make the descisions I do.
If someone cannot extend what I believe to be a common courtesy back to me, than they have no business in my life. It's not worth getting upset over; it's just not worth dealing wih.
You can buy status, but sucking is immutable. After a certain point, upgrading only makes you suck more ostentatiously.
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smashinator
Barista of Doom
Location: Rancho Relaxo

Post by smashinator » Wed Dec 01, 2004 7:24 am

The Shifty Jesus wrote:I have this little thing called a Zero-Bullshit-Policy.
I don't bullshit people, and I take the impact of my actions upon others into consideration when I make the descisions I do.
If someone cannot extend what I believe to be a common courtesy back to me, than they have no business in my life. It's not worth getting upset over; it's just not worth dealing wih.
true dat!
There's no such thing as "too Mad Max."

http://pizzacrusade.blogspot.com/
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rhinoviper
Toe-Draggin' Speed Monkey
Location: Tiny Town
Contact:
Contact rhinoviper

Post by rhinoviper » Wed Dec 01, 2004 7:14 pm

Ames wrote:
goose wrote:Didn't really have anyone in mind when posting but....Hmm, well, I've endured things which, with the clarity of hindsight, left me wondering just how many times I needed to put my hand on the burner to determine it was hot. When you're skin is blistered...umm, you don't need to check the temperature anymore ya know? Perhaps I could have made that determination earlier? One thing for certain, I couldn't blame the stove for the burn, I'm the one who kept putting my hand there.
Wouldn't it be more American to sue the manufacturer of the stove since they obviously didn't provide adequate warnings?
Funny, considering the source of the first quote. Sure you don't wanna take the Colorado BAR, goose?
'00 SV650 "Banshee"
'03 Aprilia Tuono "dewey"
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ladytiki
El Asbestos Pajamas
Location: denver

Post by ladytiki » Fri Dec 03, 2004 1:32 am

Stop putting your life on hold for them.
If he wants to get together, let him know what you'll be doing at some specified time. Something that you would be doing anyway and not dependent on them. Either he meets you or he doesn't. If he does, great, you might mean something to him; if not, you know where he stands and you haven't wasted your time on the jerk.
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