The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge

erosvamp · Post by **erosvamp** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 6:51 pm

Kinda funny... thought I would share.

The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge

I, ________________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly >being allowed to exercise my 2ndAmendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.

I will forswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

* Social Security
* Medicare/Medicaid
* State Children's Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
* Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
* US Postal Service
* Roads and Highways
* Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
* The US Railway System
* Public Subways and Metro Systems
* Public Bus and Light-rail Systems
* Rest Areas on Highways
* Sidewalks
* All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009federal senate appropriations--http://grassley.senate.gov/issues/uploa ... -73109.pdf)
* Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
* Public and State Universities and Colleges
* Public Primary and Secondary Schools
* Sesame Street
* Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
* Public Museums
* Libraries
* Public Parks and Beaches
* State and National Parks
* Public Zoos
* Unemployment Insurance
* Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
* Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
* Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
* Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
* Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
* Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
* Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies
* If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forgo my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care

I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist

locations, including but not limited to:

* Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
* The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
* The government-operated Statue of Liberty
* The Grand Canyon
* The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
* The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
* All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forgo their government salary and government-provided health care.

I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.

Upon reaching age 65, I will forgo Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.

SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF ____________ IN THE YEAR ______________.

Signed ____________
Printed Name_______________
Town and State_____________

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009 ... ialism.php

guitargeek · Post by **guitargeek** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 7:32 pm

deaconblooz · Post by **deaconblooz** » Sat Sep 19, 2009 9:40 pm

Bravo...

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Sun Sep 20, 2009 4:43 am

I so want to send this to my Father, but now that I've finally gotten himto stop sending me his jingoistic, right wing, humorless, racist, diatribes, I fear this would only open the floodgates again.

Post by **DerGolgo** » Sun Sep 20, 2009 6:04 am

They should have airdropped these over that Glen Beck march thing.

Pancake · Post by **Pancake** » Sun Sep 20, 2009 7:00 am

My favorite part is the name... Teabagger... ahahahahah

wheezy e · Post by **wheezy e** » Sun Sep 20, 2009 12:42 pm

Hey, who let the pinko commies out of the politics board?

Bo_9 · Post by **Bo_9** » Sun Sep 20, 2009 2:12 pm

wheezy e wrote:Hey, who let the pinko commies out of the politics board?

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Mon Sep 21, 2009 9:06 am

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forgo their government salary and government-provided health care.

Good luck with that...

MoraleHazard · Post by **MoraleHazard** » Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:03 am

Bigshankhank wrote:
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forgo their government salary and government-provided health care.
Good luck with that...

Ames · Post by **Ames** » Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:27 am

I shall drop my pants and wait patiently.

Zer0 · Post by **Zer0** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 2:05 pm

piccini9 wrote:I so want to send this to my Father, but now that I've finally gotten himto stop sending me his jingoistic, right wing, humorless, racist, diatribes, I fear this would only open the floodgates again.

What's his email address?

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 2:36 pm

Zer0 wrote:
piccini9 wrote:I so want to send this to my Father, but now that I've finally gotten himto stop sending me his jingoistic, right wing, humorless, racist, diatribes, I fear this would only open the floodgates again.
What's his email address?

Tempting, let me think about this one.

MagnusTheBuilder · Post by **MagnusTheBuilder** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 4:26 pm

COMMUNIST... NAZI... SOCIALIST... OTHER RANDOM YELLING!!!!!! U.S.A! U.S.A!

Hilarious.

MoraleHazard · Post by **MoraleHazard** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 5:10 am

piccini9 wrote:I so want to send this to my Father, but now that I've finally gotten himto stop sending me his jingoistic, right wing, humorless, racist, diatribes, I fear this would only open the floodgates again.

Your father wouldn't be:

Would he?

Zer0 · Post by **Zer0** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 12:19 pm

MoraleHazard wrote:
piccini9 wrote:I so want to send this to my Father, but now that I've finally gotten himto stop sending me his jingoistic, right wing, humorless, racist, diatribes, I fear this would only open the floodgates again.
Your father wouldn't be:

Would he?

Exceedingly appropriate question for Mr. Piccini

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 12:19 pm

No Moralehazard, my father is not that guy. He is however, a big fan of "Cousin Dick".

For years we thought that he was a relative of ours. Turns out not to be the case, Dad is pretty bummed out, I'm OK with it, except now I'll probably never be able to wrangle a nice, cushy, no-show, job with the State Department.

MoraleHazard · Post by **MoraleHazard** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 12:26 pm

Actually, I think you already told me that you're not related. I just couldn't resist.

Zer0 · Post by **Zer0** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 8:55 am

MoraleHazard wrote:Actually, I think you already told me that you're not related. I just couldn't resist.

Which will always make such a question an exceedingly appropriate one for Mr. Piccini. Over and over. Pore feller.

There's always haliburton.

Jaeger · Post by **Jaeger** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 9:38 am

The Greatest Political Video of All Time?

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kCvkatCGNFY&co ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kCvkatCGNFY&co ... edded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

(courtesy "stop all monsters")

--Jaeger

MagnusTheBuilder · Post by **MagnusTheBuilder** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 9:57 am

Classy and eloquent way to make a point. I see big things in this guy's political future.

goose · Post by **goose** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 10:06 am

Looks like the pledge to the John Birch society. My father was a Bircher and a huge believer in Goldwater ("Just nuke Vietnam already, it's time to show the Communists we're serious"). If he were alive today.... well, he would have sent that to me already, his Pinko scum lawyer son. Yeah, kinda warms my heart to see jingoism is alive and well in these hardly united states of america.

Disastermined · Post by **Disastermined** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:01 pm

Jaeger wrote:The Greatest Political Video of All Time?

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kCvkatCGNFY&co ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kCvkatCGNFY&co ... edded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

(courtesy "stop all monsters")

--Jaeger

Do monkey's dip?

erosvamp · Post by **erosvamp** » Tue Sep 29, 2009 2:12 pm

Jaeger wrote:The Greatest Political Video of All Time?

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kCvkatCGNFY&co ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kCvkatCGNFY&co ... edded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

(courtesy "stop all monsters")

--Jaeger

Where the hell is this Merica? Tell me so I never have to drive through it.

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The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge

The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge