The filthy baker strikes again!

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 8:51 am

I've made it known to her that her lack of baking lately has been a disappointment to Terrorists everywhere, and that she set a precedent that she needs to adhere to. She pretty much blows it off and says "You're not the boss of me!".

stiles · Post by **stiles** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:03 am

Motorcycle-shaped cookies to celebrate the oncoming spring?

Shameless bribery?

Ames · Post by **Ames** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:58 am

Priest wrote:I've made it known to her that her lack of baking lately has been a disappointment to Terrorists everywhere, and that she set a precedent that she needs to adhere to. She pretty much blows it off and says "You're not the boss of me!".

Have you not reminded her, sir, that by Orders of High Kommand she is expected to provide amusing cookie confections at least every fortnight? In accordance with the prophesy, of course.

WeAintFoundShit · Post by **WeAintFoundShit** » Tue Feb 24, 2009 2:56 am

She would not want to disappoint High Kommand.

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Thu Feb 26, 2009 7:52 pm

I had a talk tonight with A about not baking filthy treats lately. I voiced all of your concerns, and even displayed to her the level of Terrorist dedication to said filthy treats (The Cunt Flap Conspiracy, BOOTHKISOTWATPIHOTC, etc.) I informed her about the supremacy of The High Kommand, and how imperative it is that she obey any directives set forth in The Prophecy. Her reply is as follows:

Dear UTMC motorcycle nerds,

The constant baking of the horrible, horrible cookies and cakes, while funny and delicious, will ultimately result in a fluffier Filthy Baker - as these cookies and cakes, once baked, need to also be eaten.

That being said, you - the UTMC - are left with a difficult choice to make:

A: Resume the filthy, horrible, terrible cookie/cake baking immediately. You will be able to enjoy pictures of these nasty confections, but... you will be forever denied the occasional partially-disrobed motorcycle gear photos, because I will be eating all of them and condemned to Mu-mu.

OR

B: You can just STFU and wait until I want to make cookies and cakes again, and in the meantime I will be able to post partially disrobed motorcycle-gear photos, because I won't be as fat as a house from eating the fruits of my retarded labors.

So what'll it be? Perverted desserts, or gratuitous, unnecessary cheesecake photos?

Her words, not mine. You must decide. Decide, degenerates!

WeAintFoundShit · Post by **WeAintFoundShit** » Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:15 pm

Priest, if it has not been said before, you are the luckiest man alive.

stiles · Post by **stiles** » Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:11 pm

This would be a much harder (easier?) choice if those filthy treats were distributed to local Terrorists. We would gladly eat them, and save her from the dreaded muu-muu.

Am I good at solving problems or what?

Ames · Post by **Ames** » Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:37 pm

Decisions, decisions. I don't think I can make a decision on this until I have more pictures of my options...both of them.

High Kommand, a little back-up here, please!

roadmissile · Post by **roadmissile** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:37 am

Ames wrote:Decisions, decisions. I don't think I can make a decision on this until I have more pictures of my options...both of them.

High Kommand, a little back-up here, please!

I can confirm this on orders from High Kommand.

/RM

ghost · Post by **ghost** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:28 am

Alright... alright...

High Kommand informally suggests that all of you ungrateful bastards choose neither option A. nor option B. and shutthefuckup. Do neither. Leave it the fuck alone 'til one or the other just happens, and be damn grateful when it does.

Sometimes the Priestess blesses us with naughty cookies, and sometimes she blesses us with naughty photos, and perhaps she will find other ways to bless us in the future, but High Kommand's orders alone cannot secure these blessings, because as a religious icon, she does not fall under the purview of High Kommand. We're all in the same boat here, and obviously begging doesn't work. She has even deigned to offer us another naughty photo to quiet our begging. Are we really all so greedy as to continue begging for more blessings after the bounty we've been given in recent months?

High Kommand's orders remain. Ride your motorcycles. Wrench on your motorcycles. Do other awesome stuff. Take pictures of it. Perhaps with time, we will again gain the Priestess's favor, and she will again shower blessings down upon us, but until that day, we must savor the ones we've earned thus far.

That is all.

Pattio · Post by **Pattio** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:39 am

GOSTAZ · Post by **GOSTAZ** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:46 am

She is still basically saying that we are not the boss of her. Saying it topless brings the message home quite elegantly.
The redneck terrorist from hippieville casts his vote for B.
You better take care of that one, Priest. Found yourself a gem!

thrasherbill · Post by **thrasherbill** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:23 am

reflectedstatic wrote: Are we really all so greedy as to continue begging for more blessings after the bounty we've been given in recent months?

Yes.

I vote B. Cheesecake.

rc26 · Post by **rc26** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:26 am

I vote C:

She wears nothing BUT the baked goods in the next photo op.

Don't give me shit, I know the choices were A or B, someone needs to think outside the box.

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:42 am

I must remind you:

The soul of The Filthy Baker is surprisingly black. Not unlike the twisted Twilight Zone tales of olde, granted wishes may come with unexpected, terrible catches and unforeseen consequences.

Future baked goods might be emblazoned with horrid insults about one's parentage...

Later sexy photos may contain unwanted surprises, like photoshopped penises or Mr. T heads...

One can never tell. I make no promises, as I have little to no control over the actions of The Filthy Baker, or the sense of glee that she *may* derive from enticing potential victims with goodies, only to then swiftly, and without warning, dispatch the very same with malicious affronts to their collective masculinities, sensiblities, and morals.

stiles · Post by **stiles** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:54 am

Sounds like fun!

thrasherbill · Post by **thrasherbill** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:09 am

I'm willing to take that chance.

Cheesecake!

GOSTAZ · Post by **GOSTAZ** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:16 am

I ain't skerred... yet!

Moto_Myotis · Post by **Moto_Myotis** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:07 am

I love how one cunt flap cookie and a cheesecake photo can get you guys stumbling all over yourselves. I both admire this woman's careful use of her powers. Hopefully, these powers are generally for good, not evil.

Caliann · Post by **Caliann** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:30 am

Whether or not the Priestess uses her powers for good or for evil is irrelevant. Is not the face of Mother Earth both the warm growth of Spring, and the black death of Winter?

However, I think all here should RESPECT the awesome power of the Filthy Baker, lest she might turn the dark aspects of her power upon you.

GOSTAZ · Post by **GOSTAZ** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:42 am

Moto_Myotis wrote:I love how one cunt flap cookie and a cheesecake photo can get you guys stumbling all over yourselves. I both admire this woman's careful use of her powers. Hopefully, these powers are generally for good, not evil.

Uh oh, looks like Naked Beer Drinking Weather Braggard Rider and the Filthy Baker are forming an alliance... starting to git skerred over here in hippieville.

thrasherbill · Post by **thrasherbill** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 1:01 pm

Much respect to the Filthy Baker and Cheesecake!

Ok I'll go back to my corner now....

newfer59 · Post by **newfer59** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:01 pm

I have to ask you all: Which of you can create cookies, cakes, or other confections? Which of you can place on those creations words of interest or entertainment? But most importantly, which of you could create another filthy baker? Which is to be cherished as is?

stiles · Post by **stiles** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:23 pm

I was the assistant baker for a restaurant in Philly for two summers while in school, and bake a mean butterscotch-maple brownie and oatmeal lace cookie.

Haven't done it for serious in a long time... and most importantly, I'm not nearly as easy on the eyes as the Filthy Baker.

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:36 pm

Alarm!

There are baking supplies on the kitchen counter.

Could it be that your opinions were heard, and then completely disregarded?

We shall see!

rc26 · Post by **rc26** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 5:09 am

Priest wrote:Alarm!

There are baking supplies on the kitchen counter.

Could it be that your opinions were heard, and then completely disregarded?

We shall see!

So, what the fuck? No updates on the baked goods? I'm sure something is lurking in an oven somewhere...

Ames · Post by **Ames** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 6:35 am

She has assembled her tools and is awaiting inspiration, I suspect. There will most likely be a cookie that says, "UTMC Geeks, fuck off."

roadmissile · Post by **roadmissile** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 7:40 am

Ames wrote:"UTMC Geeks, fuck off."

Can we get that in a reflective sticker?

/RM

GOSTAZ · Post by **GOSTAZ** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 7:41 am

roadmissile wrote:
Ames wrote:"UTMC Geeks, fuck off."
Can we get that in a reflective sticker?

/RM

+1 On orders of the High Kommand

Pattio · Post by **Pattio** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:05 am

GOSTAZ wrote:
roadmissile wrote:
Ames wrote:"UTMC Geeks, fuck off." :lol:
Can we get that in a reflective sticker?

/RM
+1 On orders of the High Kommand

Underground Terrorists Fuck Off!

or just UTFO for the sticker.

UTFO!

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The filthy baker strikes again!