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The Man Date Mandate (of an entirely hetero variety...)
Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 5:33 pm
by Rench
So my buddy is in this bullshit relationship that I'm SOOOO close to talking him out of, and I've finally got a day off when he's off, so we're gonna go do guy stuff all day here in another week.
The current plan involves meeting at my place around 10:00 AM, heading to the local gun range to blow off a few (hundred?) rounds, then some nasty-greasy lunch at any of the many local eateries.
From there, we go west, just ride out into the prairie a little ways and see some country. He's a dedicated douche-canoeist, so nothing twisty, but miles is miles.
We'll probably catch a movie in the early evening, Transformers 2 I'm thinking, as no significant-other wants to see that.
Personally, I'd rather see this turn to Whiskey and Strippers right around that point, but his fiancee has forbidden him from even going to Hooters, so I'm not going to hold my breath.
Any other suggestions for healing the utterly betrodden male soul?
-Rench
Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:02 pm
by motorpsycho67
Screw the fiance!
I say whiskey and strippers!
I mean, who the fuck wears the pants?
Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:33 pm
by sun rat
motorpsycho67 wrote:
I mean, who the fuck wears the pants?
obviously the one whose pussy he wants...
Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:52 pm
by Whiskeywrist
Depending on your locale and time frame, I find throwing knives/hatchets to be a great way to bro down, and lends itself to conversation much more so than some of the other agenda items.
It sounds like there needs to be at least some dialog, in addition to simple quality time, to bring this guy back around and let him know the deep concern for his future that you and others are trying to manifest.
ebay/amazon has plenty of decent, affordable hurlables- I've found these to be good compromise of price and quality:
There's a nice rhythm to activities like this (and darts, pool, etc.) where each involved has a chance to sort out his thoughts between comments and actual game play.
it's also REALLY gratifying to bury metal two inches deep from ten paces away, period!
Good luck- it sounds like a noble effort, and a great time all rolled into one!
Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:03 pm
by Photo
Here's one that nobody seems to do anymore - rental car abuse.
If you can find a track or race section that squids frequent, scrape some clams together and rent a nice low-level sports car (NSX, Corvette, V8 Dodge Challenger) and go hotrod the sh!t out of it. Being careful to avoid photo-radar and cop-traps (a given), but find old, abandoned concrete areas to abuse the mother-luvin' hell out of it. Nothing feels more childish, more man-satisfying and yet sinfully destructive (all the while not damaging the paint). Go practice excessive cop turns, hopping 20" curbs, high speed side-slides and flinging it down the roughest, ruttiest, pothole-laden stretch of bad tarmac...make the motor smoke and destroy the alignment. Then return it with a wicked pull to the left, failed brake pads, a full tank of fuel and a smile.
Just a thought. The collision-damage waiver would be up to you, of course.
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:41 am
by Rench
Sheesh, Rench, you're really obsessing over this guy's relationship.
His old man (also a good friend) called me, not sober and not quite in tears, saying only half-jokingly that I had failed him by letting this engagement happen and letting it get this far.
Second to my own kid, this is priority A1. Besides, we went down to the Taste of Chicago the other day (taunting picture for Priest at a later date), and after a few beers (and no backrub, ya jackass ) he admitted that the two major reasons he's with her are he doesn't want her to destroy the house on the way out, and she frequently threatens suicide if he leaves her.
I'm just trying to put the final nails in the coffin here. Figuratively will do, literally just as good.
-Rench
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:09 am
by Rock
Rench wrote: and she frequently threatens suicide if he leaves her.
BING BING BING WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP DANGER WILL ROBINSON WTFOMGBBQ BRACE FOR IMPACT PREPARE TO DIVE and all of the above.
If he seriously believes that then they both need his and hers strait jackets. do everyone a favor and just shoot them both, If i was anywhere near the hemisphere I'd do it myself...
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:32 am
by Gauss
Rock wrote:Rench wrote: and she frequently threatens suicide if he leaves her.
BING BING BING WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP DANGER WILL ROBINSON WTFOMGBBQ BRACE FOR IMPACT PREPARE TO DIVE and all of the above.
If he seriously believes that then they both need his and hers strait jackets. do everyone a favor and just shoot them both, If i was anywhere near the hemisphere I'd do it myself...
+1,000,000
ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:52 am
by Bigshankhank
Don't go see XFMRs 2, it sucks big dick.
I like the throwing knives option, quiet, braggin rights can be given and taken at each throw, and if you can get him into the mindset that his fiance is standing in front of the target block then the rest of the situation sorts itself out.
Good Luck.
p.s. Whatever you do do not get the guy hurt physically. The fiance could exploit the Florence Nightingale syndrome and he'd be lost for good.
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:47 am
by SSCAM
Rent him a hooker, add some cocaine and let nature take it's course.
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 7:38 am
by 12ci
Rench wrote:His old man (also a good friend) called me, not sober and not quite in tears, saying only half-jokingly that I had failed him by letting this engagement happen and letting it get this far.
??
a little blame-throwing there, huh?!
pops has some responsibilty, too, ya know....and a remarkable amount of influence.
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:40 am
by Rench
Old Guy is cool. Everyone is a little amped up about this. As it turns out, cuntrag scheduled them for couples' therapy on the day in question. I'm thinking about going on my own and sending pictures.
-Rench
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:42 am
by Jonny
Rock wrote:Rench wrote: and she frequently threatens suicide if he leaves her.
BING BING BING WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP DANGER WILL ROBINSON WTFOMGBBQ BRACE FOR IMPACT PREPARE TO DIVE and all of the above.
Succinctly and incredibly well put.
When a SO tells their partner that they would kill themselves if the other ever left, then maybe it's time to test their steel. Maybe.
Because that sounds FUCKING CRAAAAZY!
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:34 am
by stiles
Rench wrote:Old Guy is cool. Everyone is a little amped up about this. As it turns out, cuntrag scheduled them for couples' therapy on the day in question. I'm thinking about going on my own and sending pictures.
-Rench
Jeebus on a stick. Take him out for whiskey and strippers afterwards, he'll need it.
Re: The Man Date Mandate (of an entirely hetero variety...)
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:29 pm
by Zer0
Rench wrote:Any other suggestions for healing the utterly betrodden male soul?
Any movie with Hugh Grant.