UTMC

A friend recently forwarded me a totally sketchy response to an inquiry she sent regarding a craigslist posting for an apartment rental. She said the listing looked too good to be true, and once she got the response it was pretty clearly a scam. Here is the response she got:


>
> Dear,Thanks for the email.
> I am the owner of the 2 bedroom condo house and i also want you to know
> that it was due to my transfer that makes me and my wife to leave the house
> and we want to give it out for rent, We are looking for a responsible person
> that can take a very good care of he house for us, As we are not after the
> money for the rent but we want it to be very clean and a good person that
> will rent it and take it as if it were its own. So for now, We are here in
> LONDON,our new house and we have with us the keys of the house,
> we try to look for an agent that we can give this documents before we left
> but could not see and we are as well as don't want our house to be used any
> how in our absent that is why we took it along with us.
> I and my wife came over to London For Department of Economics London,
> School of Economics work, so i hope you will promise us to take very good
> care of the house. So get back to me on how you could take care of our house
> or perhaps experience you have in renting home. We are giving you the first
> month free then you commence the payment of the second month.We want you to
> pay security deposit fee of$700 so that when you are paying for the second
> month fee you have to pay $1000.fill the application and get back to me
> asap.
>
> RENTALS APPLICATION
>
> FIRST NAME:__________________
> MIDDLE NAME: _________________
> LAST NAME: __________________
> PROFESSION: ________________
> HOME PHONE (____) __________
> (CELL)PHONE (____) __________
> (WORK)PHONE (____) __________
> KIDS _____ (YES/NO), HOW MANY ________
> PRESENT ADDRESS: _____________________
> CITY: _______________
> STATE: ______________
> ZIPCODE: ____________
> HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING? ____________
> WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN? ______________
> HOW SOON CAN YOU HAVE THE DEPOSIT PAYMENT SENT TO
> ME___________________________
> HOW SOON DO YOU WANT TO RECEIVE THE KEYS AND DOCUMETS OF THE
> HOUSE___________________________
> DO YOU HAVE A PET: _____________
> NAME OF PET: _____________
> KIND OF PETS: _____________
> DO YOU SMOKE? ______________
> DO YOU DRINK? ______________.
>
> I hope to hear from you soonest. Thanks
> My number is +447024034823
> Regards. God Bless.
> Mr Ken.


I'm guessing they attempt you get you to pay the deposit blindly? How often does that work? Why do they ask you if you drink? I assume its in an attempt to have a legitimate seeming application? I wonder if they have any idea that you couldn't ask that of a tenant in the US. I also find it amusing that they want to know the names of your pets, if you have any.

Anyway, I was feeling bored, so I thought I'd poke at Mr. Ken and see if I couldn't have a bit of fun.

I responded to the above email as if I'd received it from him in response to my own query about the apartment:

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Ken-

Greetings, and thank you for the detailed response regarding the
rental making available of the apartment in state of question.

I have some few questions on the application:

We do not smoke, but we do need to drink fluids. Is that allowed? We
can get most of the hydration we need by eating lettuce, but when the
store is closed we will probably need to supplement this by drinking
water, if this is allowed. Are there sinks in the apartment? If
drinking is not allowed, can you arrange to have the sinks closed up?
I would hate for any visiting friends or relatives to accidentally
violate the terms of the rental agreement, and they might try to drink
from the faucet when we are not looking.

When can we view the apartment to see if it meets our needs?

We would like to know if our pleasure swing will fit in the 2nd room or not.

What is the view from the apartment? Would we have views of any parks,
or college campuses with target rich environments?

Thank you very much for the information. We will work to complete the
rental application today. By what means do you accept rent payments?
Do you have a local representative to whom we would make payment, or
do you prefer the currency be sent to you in London by a courier?

All the best,

C.Elliot Friday.

-------------------------------------------

Pretty clearly I'm fucking with him, but I'm guessing the lure of $700 would keep him on the hook for a little while at least.

I just recieved a brief followup:

-----------------------------

>On Tue, Jul 28, 2009 at 11:34 PM, Ken Morgan ><morgan.ken58@yahoo.com> wrote:

>YOU ARE ACCEPTED BUT YOU HAVE TO FILL MY APPLICATION FIRST AND GET BACK TO ME.

-----------------------------

Ok, so he wants a completed application to continue the fun.

My response:


-----------------------------


Dear Mr. Ken,

Thank you for accepting to us for rental of the apartment, this is
very generous of you! As I'm sure you are busy working in the
London Financial market, I'd hate to waste your time processing
the application if we did not qualify. We would like to inspect the
condition of the apartment to ensure it meets our needs. It must
be very clean for us to live there, as the small germs and creeping
crawling germs are every where. Every where. Every where. Every
where. We must be vigilant against dirt! When can we arrange to
see the apartment?

Also, how do you require payment of the deposit?

Regards,

C. Elliot Friday.


RENTALS APPLICATION
>
> FIRST NAME:__C.________________
> MIDDLE NAME: __Elliot____________
> LAST NAME: __Friday__________
> PROFESSION: ___Ontologist________
> HOME PHONE (206_) _669 6590_______
> (CELL)PHONE (____) __________
> (WORK)PHONE (_--_) ----------___
> KIDS _NO__ (YES/NO), HOW MANY ___0___
> PRESENT ADDRESS: _112358 Fibbonicci St.____
> CITY: __SEATTLE_______
> STATE: ___WA_____
> ZIPCODE: __98102_____
> HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING? __3 years___
> WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN? _____Next week____

> HOW SOON CAN YOU HAVE THE DEPOSIT PAYMENT SENT TO
> ME____ASAP. How do we send it?_____________

> HOW SOON DO YOU WANT TO RECEIVE THE KEYS AND DOCUMETS OF THE
> HOUSE__This week if possible____
> DO YOU HAVE A PET: ___yes___
> NAME OF PET: _D.B. Cooper, Alan Smithee, John Galt_
> KIND OF PETS: _Fish______
> DO YOU SMOKE? __No. Occasionally we light candles, these produce smoke. Also I am a bad cook and I often burn dinner, _which produces smoke___
> DO YOU DRINK? ___Yes, but only water to stay hydrated._____.
>

Further updates as they arrive.

On 7/29/09, Ken Morgan <morgan.ken58@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> RECEIVER NAME: KEN MORGAN
> ADDRESS: 12 Greencoat street
> CITY: LONDON (SW1P 1PH)
> COUNTRY: UNITE KINGDOM
> TEST QUESTION: WHO IS OUR CREATOR
> ASWER: GOD.
>
> ALSO GET BACK TO ME WHEN PAYMENT IS BEEN MADE WITH THE FOLLOWING BELOW.
> SENDERS NAME................?
> SENDERS ADDRESS................ ($700)
> AMOUNT SENT....................?
> MTCN#/REF#........................?
> TEST QUESTION..............WHO IS OUR CREATOR
> ANSWER.....................GOD.
>
> Immediately after the payment is been confirmed, shippment will commence to
> your address and is going to be 24 hours DHL shippment to your address.
> get back to me with the MTCN and receive your
>

To receive my what?? Wierdly unfinished response.
My Reply:

--------------------------------------------------

Ken-

I do not understand your message, please explain. By what means am I
to send you a deposit? Does the rental agreement depend on us
believing in God? I do not understand what the nature of the
creator/god has to do with an apartment rental. Please explain.

-C. Elliot Friday

On 7/29/09, Ken Morgan <morgan.ken58@yahoo.com> wrote:
> YOU HAVE TO GO AND MAKE THE PAYMENT, IN LONDON HERE WESTERN UNION USE TO
> HAVE SECREAT QUESTION AND ANSWER WHICH IS THAT BUT IF IS NOT USEFULL THERE
> NO PROBLEM,GO AHEAD AND MAKE THE DEPOSIT PAYMENT I AM STILL WAITTING TO GET
> THE MTCN SO I CAN GO TO DELIVERY OFFICE AND PAY FOR THE CHARGES AND SHIP TO
> YOU THE KEYS,

Response:


Mr. Ken,

Thank you for the information regarding Western Union. We need to see
the apartment before we can rent it of course. This is a normal part
of renting. What if the bed room is too small for our designer queen
sized hammock? Surely you have a representative here who can let us
inspect the apartment, correct? Someone who works at the condo
building and can let us in to see the apartment.

Or are you saying it costs $700 deposit to visit the apartment?. Are
we now engaged in some pre-rental process where we are paying a
deposit for the right to consider renting the apartment? Is there more
to this apartment than meets the eye? Will we be beholding the lost
ark of the Israelites? Or is there perhaps a portal offering a glimpse
of the hoary legions of the netherworld? In either case I imagine a
Non-Disclosure Agreement is in order, and perhaps a Contract of
Indemnification as it all sounds very dangerous to us.

Can you tell me if this apartment is larger on the inside than it is
on the outside?

What is the total square footage? Is the floor plan a square? Are
there any half walls open between rooms? My aunt has lost the lower
half of both her legs, so we want to make sure there will be access
for her when she visits.

Please have your representative call us ASAP to arrange a meeting so
we can see the apartment. As soon as we can verify that it does not
have red carpet, or an unholy aura, we will send the4 $700. I have the
Western Union order ready to process today.

Thanks!

-C. Elliot Friday.

On 7/30/09, Ken Morgan <morgan.ken58@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> HERE IS ALL YOU NEED GO AHEAD AND MAKE THE PAYMENT.
> Excuisite 1200 square foot luxury 2 bedroom Capitol Hill condo! Built in
> 2003, this is a true luxury condominium with all the top end finishes that
> could be offered. On Boylston & Roy, this home is in the heart of Capital
> Hill (just 3 blocks from Broadway) with the convenience and security of a
> gated entry and private garage parking space.
>
> Large windows and Brazilian cherry floors throughout. Living room has a gas
> fireplace, doors to private deck. Kitchen has top of the line stainless
> steel appliances and granite countertops. Bedrooms are large with lots of
> light, with full bathrooms off each.
>
> Energy efficiant front-load washer and dryer in unit. Huge private storage
> space comes with unit. Common areas include fitness room, manicured yard.
>
>
> I AM VERY HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU,I SO MUCH UNDERSTAND YOU THE PERSON THERE
> DONT KNOW WHAT IS HAPENING ABOUT THE HOUSE HIS DUTY IS TO BE SECURERING THE
> HOUSE AND THE HE SHOULD NOT LISTIN TO ANYBODY OR ADMMIT ANY BODY SO HE CANT
> LOOK AT YOU.
> I AM THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE I AM THE ONE TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO SO THAT YOU
> PACKIN RIGHT NOW,I HAVE PACKAGED EVRY THING INCLUDING THE KEYS IN THE DHL
> OFFICE TO SENT TO YOU,THE PERSON THERE HIS TIME IS OVER SO HE IS GOING WITH
> BELONGINGS NOW SO ALL YOU NEED TO DO TO PACKIN NOW IS TO MAKE THE DEPOSIT
> PAYMENT NOW AND SEND ME THE MTCN WITHING 24HRS YOU RECEIVE ACCESS TO THE
> HOUSE FINISH.YOU GO TO THE HOUSE WITH EVIDENCE.
>
>


Mr. Ken-

Thank you for the updated information, it sounds like a wonderful
apartment. My wife likes ice cream sundaes quite a bit so she will be
very excited to be have a floor made of Brazillian Cherries. Do we
need to replenish them after we use them to top our ice cream deserts,
or will they grow back? Do we need pay an additional deposit against
cherry depletion?

I appreciate that you are the owner and are telling us what to do. I
would hate to take directions from an underling; Deal only with the
top! Thats my motto! My great uncle Alvin instilled it in me when I
was a small child. Without hard work, dedication, and a commitment to
work only with the owners of any enterprise, he would never have
managed to dominate the legwear industry. It is infact the
accumulated largesse of Amalgamated Spats that has fallen to me from
dear Great Unlce Alvin that now allows me to live a life of luxury and
pursue this apartment and its princely rental sum.

I did not realise there was a person at the apartment tasked with the
duty of securing the house. Will he be staying on as a
segeant-at-arms? I'm sure we could arrange a decent stipend for the
fellow, but will he require one of the bedrooms, or does he have is
own lodging?

I approve of your employing the blind to work at your house, I would
hate to have the help be able to look at me, so its just as well that
you remove the option from the equation.

When can we visit the apartment? I live just down the block. I will
go to the apartment today to see it. You have my cell phone number,
please call me when the blind door man is available to show us the
apartment. I will give the $700 to him personally if you trust the
man. Surely the same password challenge: WHO IS THE CREATOR, if the
man who's time is not long will to make it asking of me, I shall
retort in the time honored tradition of a man about to enter luxury:
GOD!

I am very excited to see the view from the apartment! What direction
do the windows face, north or south? Can we see the ocean from this
apartment?

I will go there now with the $700.

I await your call.

-C. Elliot Friday.

Fucking with scammers is the new black. Or something...

Keep it up dude!

Go, man, go!

>On 7/30/09, Ken Morgan <morgan.ken58@yahoo.com> wrote:
> PAY TO THE INFORMATION I GAVE TO YOU BECOUSE THAT MAN IS NOT MY CARETAKER.
>


Mr. Ken

I do not understand. I have been waiting outside the apartment on the
street for 3 hours waiting for your phone call so I can see the
apartment. Are you saying that we must send you the money -BEFORE- we
see the house? I am very nervous of such an arrangement, I think you
can understand why. That is not how apartment rentals are done. You
have provided us with much good information about the apartment, and
it is a very wonderful sounding property, but we must be sure of
things.

I'm sure you are aware that some people use the internet to try and
steal money from other people. Because of this the American legal
system now has declared that all money lost on the internet is
forfeit under the Stupidity Act of 2009. If we send money to man in
London, even one that works for the Department of Economics London,
and we do not check the facts, the American Government will demand
$700 MORE of us as a tax on being stupid. The law DOES allow us to
send you the $700 if we have what is called Proof of Douche. I hope
you understand that we must do this for the law, not because we want
to. We can legally send you the $700 on Western Union today or
tomorrow, if we have a digital picture of you to keep in the apartment
incase the goverment comes to our door to check for Stupidity Act
2009 violations. All we need is a picture of you, with a sign or piece
of paper that says "Mr. Ken. Proof of Douche, 30 July 2009" in the
picture. You can email me the picture and then I will be able to send
the Western Union $700

Thank you very much for your assistance in renting this apartment. My
wife and I have packed up our things and are ready to move in.

-C. Elliot Friday

Way to go.

[:lol: Oh my god, I can't wait to see how this ends! I love scam email.
I particularly love the horrible crappy english. How do you write back to this guy without pissing your pants as you type?

cjp wrote:It is infact the accumulated largesse of Amalgamated Spats that has fallen to me from dear Great Unlce Alvin that now allows me to live a life of luxury and pursue this apartment and its princely rental sum.

-C. Elliot Friday.

genius...

i need to start scam-baiting.

hope you get your digital "proof of douche".

>>From: Ken Morgan <morgan.ken58@yahoo.com>
>>Date: Jul 30, 2009 5:11 PM
>>Subject: Re: THE SQUARE FOOT OF THE HOUSE


>> HERE IS MY PASSPORT SO GO AHEARD AND MAKE THE PAYMENT.



Here's the original huge file he sent- check out the wonderful photoshop job on the names:

Large IDs

@elem: credit where it's due, 'Amalgamated spats' is a company that Mr. Burns held stock in many years ago on the simpsons.

Mr. Ken.

Thank you for the pictures, but I must say these will not be adequate.
The California drivers license is expired, and not valid. I'm not suprised, with all their budget problems, it must be hard to keep the calendar running. They should take a cue from the Aztecs, don't you think?

The passport is a very flattering picture of you but unfortunatley US Passports are only valid at the borders, and not for rental agreements. Things have changed in the US since you moved to London, now that we have a Kenyan Muslim President.

According to the new laws, we must have the 'Proof of Douche' I mentioned in my last email. Otherwise the US government won't allow me to send you the $700. I very much want to send you the $700! My wife and our 3 fish have packed up our belongings and are waiting to move into the apartment. I thought you wanted to rent it to us? Do you want to leave us homeless? Please Please Please send the 'Proof of Douche' as required by law. It is very simple: Take a picture- with a camera-phone, or digital camera, of you, with a letter in the picture that says: "Mr. Ken Morgan. Proof of Douche, July 31, 2009". As soon as you send this, I can send the $700 on Western Union. I will even send an extra $20.00 so you can buy a camera-phone if you do not already have one.

Thank you very much, all the best to you and your wife, Mrs. Ken,

We eagerly await your picture with letter.

Thanks!

-C. Elliot Friday

he's got his motorcycle endorsement!

i guess Robert Lee lost his bag on his trip to Europe and now some ass-hat is using his license and passport. Funny how "Ken" didn't look at the signatures and seemingly does not understand the difference in Font. I hate the lazy con-men

I was rolling on the floor when I saw your address: 112358 Fibbonicci St.
Gawd I love geek humor!
Can't wait to see the fabulous job he does producing the Proof of Douche.

As an aside:

The address on that driver's license is quite possibly a vacant lot, according to the city of Escondido's public records website:

Parcel Number: 2361201500
Address: 1102 S ESCONDIDO BLVD
Assessed: Land: 84,050 Improvements: 0
Acreage: 0
Date of Record: 10/27/1999
Zoning: CG
Special Districts: CENTRAL/TIER 1, DOWNTOWN REDEVELOPMENT AREA, S. ESCONDIDO BLVD. NEIGHBORHOOD AREA 'A'
General Plan: GC

Nice work with this, cjp.

My last two scam-baiting adventures saw me lose patience fairly quickly and either jump for the punchline too early or simply telling them to fuck off.

I'm proud of you.

goose wrote:Funny how "Ken" didn't look at the signatures and seemingly does not understand the difference in Font. I hate the lazy con-men

+1, it would take me maybe a half hour to do that text right, and why send a big-ass file, it only serves to highlight how badly that was done.

The fact that this has gone on this long worries me, because some dumbass is probably falling for this shit.

/RM

received today:

If I only had the time to fuck with this ass-hat!

Dear Counsel,

I am sending this email as a mutual introduction. Mr Akiyoshi Morita is the chairman of Aichi Steel Corporation. Aichi Steel Corporation is a large group corporation engaged in the manufacturing of Dental Magnetic Attachments and also other high-quality specialty steel. Aichi Steel Corporation is owed payment on shipments that they made to customers here in US from August 2008. The company is now seeking advice and possible representation in litigation against the non-paying companies in your state.

I cannot handle this matter at this point because it is out of my jurisdiction; therefore I am assisting them in finding an attorney in the required state. Kindly contact Mr. Akiyoshi Morita if you are interested in representing him. Below is his contact information

Mr.Akiyoshi Morita

Aichi Steel Corporation

legal@aichisteel.asia

Should you have any questions please contact my legal assistant Barbara Brown. I encourage you to contact either Barbara Brown or Mr. Akiyoshi Morita to see if this is a situation where you can work together.

Sincerely,

Paul Jackson II

jacksons@consultant.com



This e-mail communication may contain information that is proprietary, confidential and/or privileged from disclosure under applicable law. If the reader of this e-mail is not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that use, copying, dissemination or continued possession of this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have any reason to believe you are not the intended recipient of this e-mail, please notify us immediately by e-mail. Delete all copies of this e-mail from computer memory or storage and return all hard-copies via regular mail.

Oh, c'mon Ken, PROOF OF DOUCHE!!! Now!!

Genius.

+100