UTMC

So there I was, with a head full of acid and amyl nitrates, 290 dead
rats defrosting in my trunk next to a cheap bag of dimestore clown
noses, eleven bags of avocados, sixteen stitches over my right eye, and
the inexplicable urge to point the front of my car south on an
inexorable path towards death valley:
Jesus, those rats are starting
to stink. What the hell am I even DOING here? The past thirty two
hours were a blur of increasingly bad ideas, unsavory characters, and
the bad taste in my mouth from a hooker who turned out to be a man.
Advertise that shit, people... There will be takers, especially in Tijuana.
Wait... If I was in Tijuana and I'm driving south... Awww fuck me, where the hell am I?
Jesus those rats are starting to stink.
Put another popper on my clown nose, this acid is starting to get heady.

I don't know what to say, but know I need to say something.

Nice. Follow your nose and enjoy the drive, but I'd think about ditching the rats fairly soon.





Oh, I won't ask what the bad taste in you mouth is.

Guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey straight up. Bartender slides it over and the man slams it and orders another. He slams that one and asks for another. The bartender says 'so... celebrating?' and the guy puts the empty third shot down on the bar and answers 'first blowjob'. The bartender says 'well, I guess that's a big day for you' and the man says 'pour another, I don't know what's gonna get this taste out of my mouth'.

HST?

I got an email from a friend on a list, saying he was going to go to SLO to pick up 290 frozen feeder rats for his snakes, and wondering if anybody wanted in on it (since 290 rats is a fucking shitload of dead rats).
That was the first thing that came to mind, so I wrote it down.
The thing about the poppers and the clown noses is actually something that happened the other day, though. I stole that one from reality.
I didn't put the nose on, but I laughed a bunch when my friends did.