UTMC

So my physics class has about 200 people in it, and once a week we break out into smaller groups for "discussion sessions." This is a class of about 20-30 odd people.

Discussion has been moving a little bit ahead of lecture with the material we've been covering, so today, the T.A. said "Fuck it. Let's skip the problem. You want to learn about anything else?"
He then rattled off a list of things that other classes had chosen, none of which actually included anything about physics. The guy was actually kind of a little surprised when we told him that was precisely what we wanted to hear about.
He asked what sort of thing we'd want to know, and I said "Pick your favorite. Like, for me, I've got a huge hard on for time dilation, so tell us whatever you're into."

Apparently none of the kids have ever heard the term "I've got a huge hard on for..." in a class room setting before.

I've decided that, being the oldest person in the room, including the T.A., I am now going to start taking some liberties with what I'm gonna say out loud to freak out the youngins.


Anyone got any fun sayings I could bust out with?
Heh heh heh.

Do they have to relate to physics?

Nope. Just something I could use in general conversation with a teacher who is a few years younger than I am that will shock the rest of the little buggers without being TOO over the top.

So, "panties in a bunch/knickers in a twist" kind of verbiage?

Maybe slightly more graphic than that, but yeah.

"You know what really makes me rope a load..."?

"You know what really puts my balls in a vise?" And say it as if it were a good thing.

"Hey, whatever pumps your nads"

"You passed this test by the sweat of your balls"


(Actually heard at Air Force Tech School)

My father is a treasure trove of colorful aphorisms. He taught me things like...

If at first you don't succeed, suck and suck 'til you do suck seed.

Boy, you'd fuck up a wet dream.

Well suck my nose, both barrels at once!

Well suck me silly!

Well fuck a monkey!

Well if that don't just kill corn about ass high...

Well shit twice and fall back in it!

That's just slicker than cum on a gold tooth.

Hand me that dog dick.
Referring to the shift linkage for a '74 Dodge Dart.

Hey! I ain't fuckin' you.
After a co-worker bummed one cigarette too many.

Well, I've got are some exclamations like "Sweet Tits of Mary!" and "Sweet Cock of Moses!"

Or you could say "That tickles my prostate."

I can't think of anything catch-phrasey but what about vaguely referencing your former life as a male prostitute (or what have you).

guitargeek wrote: Well if that don't just kill corn about ass high...

Well shit twice and fall back in it!

Another one I used to use, not necessarily dirty....

'Well that's slicker than cat spit on a waxed marble floor!'

Oh, and

'Well tie me to an ant hill and smear my ears with jelly!'

Those might raise an eyebrow.

I've got the opposite problem, I try not to say shit like that but it comes out anyway.

"Fat flatulent Christ in a lime-green leisure suit!" (exclamation)

"Shit in a shoe!" (exclamation)

"That is dumber than frozen dogshit."

"What in the name of god's left nut is that?"

"Slicker than greased owl shit."

"Hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire."

"Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra." (Now now, Pagan ladies, don't get your knickers all in a twist.)

... I'll think of more later.


--Jaeger

me just saying "fuck" out loud makes these young people act shocked.
i've been here since spring and i still don't get it.

Jaeger wrote:
"Fat flatulent Christ in a lime-green leisure suit!" (exclamation)
"Shit in a shoe!" (exclamation)
--Jaeger

"Great Odin's Raven!" (exclamation)

"duller than a cats ass" makes me lolz, I have no idea why

I also like to mutter things in foreign languages, makes 'em look at you funky. Also, may get you a date.

ninemileskid wrote:I've got the opposite problem, I try not to say shit like that but it comes out anyway.

yeah, i have that problem too.

sun rat wrote:me just saying "fuck" out loud makes these young people act shocked.
i've been here since spring and i still don't get it.

Kids these days, apparently spend more time indoors and at home than previous generations, watching "television", playing "video games" and the like. Stuff with FCC approval.
So once the novelty of dirty words has worn off at 14, they are totally ignorant to the ways of the world.

Fucking ingrate whippersnappers.

I like to add, "beggers and whores" to most conversations.

Such as:

First you forget to add extra cheese to my pizza then the begger and the whores move in.

What, no military discount? What's next beggers and whores?

No prayer in puplic schools? What about the beggers and whores?

Have fun with it.

One of my favorites I got from a tranny buddy of mine years ago, and expanded on it:

"Well! Ain't that a dry fuck in the ass, first thing in the morning, with no kiss on the cheek, or breakfast afterward!"

it can be truncated at any convenient comma, too- for brevity.

Heh. I have a couple. First, I have to hand it to my younger brother who came out one day with, "Louder than two skeletons fucking on a tin roof in a hailstorm."

The following I picked up from my years at sea:

Blowing like a whore with a fistful of twenties.

Blowing hard enough to blow the cunt off a cow.

Like old people fuck: slow and sloppy.

Any slower and you'd be going backwards.

Colder than a welldigger's ass.

Colder than a nun's kiss.




That's all I can think of at the moment. Good luck.

This one isn't dirty (unless you have some kind of weird fetish about moist rodents) but I got it from a navy man and it is dear to me:

"Sharp as a sack of wet mice"

JANGLEPLATZ!

OH OH OH Lest I forget, only ever heard this once in my life:

"Graceful as a drowned elephant"

"you have the IQ of a styrofoam peanut."

--Jaeger

One expression that weirded me out when I was 15, working at my dad's gas station, was when an older guy said that his car "runs like a raped ape." I couldn't help but imagine a very angry gorilla with a sore orifice running on a wild rampage.

dozerone wrote:I also like to mutter things in foreign languages, makes 'em look at you funky. Also, may get you a date.

I mutter things in foreign languages all the time, but I only get the funky looks. Not that latter date part.

"By the four balls of Jesus, Mary and Joseph" exclamatory

"Be a Lady would ya" Said when getting needing to get help from someone lining something up to go in a hole or space of some sort.......

"Jesus tits!" is always good for a laugh and strange looks.

i'll try to think of others.