UTMC

Expensive, but nifty.

http://coffincouches.com/pages/100/Coffin_Couches.html

I love the "welcome" message on the home page:

If you notice (although it may be too small) the six
cast iron heavy duty legs are embossed with the universal biohazard
insignia. The reason we utilize this sign is because safety is our utmost
concern. If you are not aware, once a human body is placed in a coffin
it is considered biohazard tissue. The legs have the embossed insignia for
precautionary reasons in the event body fluids are exchanged on these coffins.
Perhaps you would feel safe knowing that you are in designated biohazard scene!
Ha!!

Now if they could seal a loved one's body in it, I might be interested.













.

I suppose if I had some sexy girl to lounge around on it all day it could work...

/RM

These coffins are not used for burial due to
slight cosmetic inconsistencies

I know I'd be pissed if my coffin wasn't the best that it could be.

Caskets get fucked up all the time, and many times I've had to turn them back before the delivery truck even leaves. That is the result of having (literally) retarded people try and rip a casket out of a van and then shove it into our storage room. That said, plenty of caskets that get used have some sort of scratches on them somewhere, but not enough for anyone to be really bothered by them. most people don't really inspect their dead loved ones casket for scratches. The gypsies on the other hand, will go and scratch the goddamn casket before they buy it, and then say "OH THE CASKETS SCRATCHED, I WANT A DISCOUNT". bastards...

I think one of these couches would be nifty, all of the parts that a dead person would lay on are removed from it, and any person that has been viewed in one has been cleaned and embalmed, and has plastic bags on under their clothes, so the only part of them touching anything is the back of their head, and that's on a pillow that gets thrown away...

Caskets and funerals, what a fucking waste of material and time. No disrespect to you Dozer, but just plank 'em down on a stone slab and set the oven to "Burninate". I would, however, love to have a picnic table made out of a genuine "pine box". I doubt many of those have withstood the vagaries of time, though.

... I totally want one of these.

Um... So Dozer, do you guys have a crematorium where you work? Do you keep good records?

/RM

We do have a crematory, one for people and one for pets, as well as a pet cemetery separate from the people one. As far as funerals being a waste of time and money, feh. Many people get peace from the service, and a sense of closure from seeing their loved one dead in the casket, and into the ground. Personally, I could have my own plans for my funeral, and they involve a blowtorch, a sawsall and a ball of iron, but thats my thing. People want a service, and we provide, nothing more and nothing less. Other funeral homes are pushy, trying to sell you the expensive casket and service by guilting you into it, "wouldn't jimmy want to have (INSERT EXPENSIVE THING) at his funeral? he really loved (EXPENSIVE THING)", and that is shitty, and we pride ourselves in not being dickbags like that. Personally, I let the family look around and choose themselves, and I only tell them prices; i've found that nice shit will sell itself..

Zer0 wrote:Now if they could seal a loved one's body in it, I might be interested.













.

I like where you're going with that. Maybe instead of legs have it sit on a plexiglass box so you can forever view the deceased. Kinda like those martyrs the catholics are always putting on display. Although I'd get tired of standing up every time I had to fart. "Oops, sorry grandma!"

I'm actually digging on this one. The contrast is just about perfect.

dozerone wrote:We do have a crematory, one for people and one for pets,

So how good is the record keeping, if say, you had a two hundred pound meat sack on the east coast that needed disappearing?

/RM

dozerone wrote:. That said, plenty of caskets that get used have some sort of scratches on them somewhere.

yes, commonly on the inside of the lid, placed there just after the burial

Our record keeping is excellent, there is no way that I can conceivably think of to manipulate the timer mechanism. That said, shoot me a pm