UTMC

...by a bunch of retarded, psycho rednecks.

Long story short, I was bouncing for a couple of dancers at a private party tonight, and right at the end of their scheduled time, a guy got grabby, so the girls called it a day and got dressed. The "gentlemen" didn't think that was really fair, so a few dudes decided that the best course of action to remedy the situation would be for them to jump me from behind as we were leaving. No real damage but a couple of lumps and a headache, but still very annoying.

The sad thing is that it was such a chickenshit move that I never even got to see who the hell was beating on me.
There were something like 11 or 12 of the white trash pieces of shit, and the house was way out in the woods, and full of things like loaded .223 clips, right next to their respective firearms. I think that only 3 or 4 were throwing punches, but in that situation all I wanted to do was get the girls in the car and get the fuck out. No room for fighting back, just let the hits fall where they may and scram as fast as possible (hence all of the lumps being on the back of my skull, and not my face).
Fortunately there were one or two dudes who thought it was a crap move, and stepped in and held off their friends for us to get in the car, otherwise shit would have gotten way more ugly.

Happy New Years.

That's rough work... Did they pay up front?

That sucks. At least you kept your wits about you. Good job.

Holy Crap I thought I was the only guy dumb enough for that job!!! LOL I am very glad to hear it didnt turn out worse bro!

Ouch.

Good man for keeping your head and doing your job.

Still, that's a great big barrel of suck.

--Jaeger

I hope one of the dancers gave you a blowjob at the very least for your troubles.

dozerone wrote:I hope one of the dancers gave you a blowjob at the very least for your troubles.

+1

Anything like that is a crappy job if you become necessary. I never could believe the crap people would try to get "even" about when I worked the door for one of our less than savory local establishments.

Fucking people, eh? Your a good guy, Shit.

I've tried to get in touch a couple of times. Your phone just goes straight to voicemail. Give me a call. 5,033,829,490

Hey man, I feel for ya. That's gotta be one of the weirdest jobs evah. I did it a bunch back in the mid-90's. Way to keep your head about you.

I hope you got a 'bonus".

Yeah, I was well taken care of, and the girls were paid their showing up fee up front, so all is well in that regard.
Still though, nothing is less gratifying than getting punched in the head a bunch and not doing anything about it.

Fortunately none of them seemed to really be ABLE to throw a decent punch. With multiple blows landing at the same time, it really should have hurt a hell of a lot more than it did. I mean I've got a few small lumps and shit, but nothing major, or even visible. I figure that if you're gonna straight sucker punch someone upside the head, you've got them dead to rites, and you really ought to be able to knock them down, instead of them just thinking "it's obviously time to leave" and walking away with you buzzing about them like flies.

In fact, the only time they managed to really accomplish anything was when one of them pushed me into the hood of a parked car. It was at that point that I started to fight back (since that's the only point where I REALLY felt like I was actually in trouble) unfortunately, I reached out for whatever I could get ahold of, and it was one of the girls... Not helpful.
It was also precisely that moment that the non white trash friends stepped in and held off their buddies. In retrospect, I'm sort of a little bummed about that. None of those dudes could fight worth a shit, and it's not that I'm all that great at it, but I'm better than THAT. I mean I got jumped all the time when I was younger, and it stopped happening because I started hurting people when they did it.
I know it all worked out for the best possible outcome, which is ultimately the point, but it just bugs me that I didn't get one single lick in on anyone, when I KNOW I could've smashed at least ONE dude, if not all of them. (That statement comes with the qualifier that they were drunk, and like I said, didn't know how to fight worth shit. Remove either of those factors and I would probably be screwed; I haven't really had to fight in YEARS).

It bugs me, but at the same time I'm back to my life and my promising future. Who knows WHAT the hell might have happened if I turned around and started throwing people and punching dudes in the throat (which, in my experience, when punched immediately after the nose, is the best place to punch someone to make them change their minds about fighting you. When a dude can't see, and feels like they can't breathe, it really takes the piss out of 'em).
In the end, I'd much rather get back to my life without any real consequences, and know that the best thing those dudes have to look forward to is alcoholism and serious ignorance.

Still though, nothing is less gratifying...

In my opinion you did the right thing.

I would generally take preservation of personal safety over 'being a badass' anyday.

In my opinion if negotiations have deteriorated (this is code for drunk pussies letting booze help their testes drop temporarily) to the point that physical violence is happening, there were many poor decisions made on both sides. However there is just sometimes (and they are rare, more rare than people think) that violence is innevitable. This sounds like one of those occasions. I think that everything that you did was correct, the only part that worried me, for you, about this story is the readily armed nature of the people drinking. That shit scares me. No joke. I've been shot at and as tough as I am, I hid behind a dumpster in D.C. for about 10 minutes longer than was probably necessary. Scary shit.

I would say that you are very lucky that you were able to escape the situation relatively unscathed, a few years ago I had something similar to your story happen to me. (if you want to know more I can share but this post is already really long) And I have to tell you that even if you can fight, it is usually not the best thing, even if it would have been very satisfying to cave a few drunk hillbillies faces in, having the self control to take care of business and remove themselves and protect the people who need to be protected is the mark of real manliness. Fighting is for pussies. Being in control is manly.

Also, it does amaze me that the people who get into fights all the time and even brag about all the fights they get into are usually TERRIBLE at it. Luckily those twig-dicks couldn't really connect. Sad to hear about the headache, hell of a way to start the year off. At least you got the "get punched in the head" checkbox dealt with early this year.

Nothing like a manly sucker punch from behind.