God Hates Shrimp!
Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 5:59 pm
Via bikesnobnyc http://www.godhatesshrimp.com
That's fuckin' awesome.
--Jaeger
UTMC
Fighting the Gangster Frankenstein Earphone Radio Slavery Big Brother Conspiracy at all costs
https://utmc-forum.org/pub/
God Hates Shrimp!
Page 1 of 1
Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 7:59 am
Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:45 am
Puting some things in perspective people.
Have a shrimp scampi for lent dinner yesterday? Your JUST AS MUCH an ABOMINATION before the LORD as that gay couple down the street.
I think it goes someting like...."Remove the beam from your own eye..." (I didnt look it up so please dont jump down my back if a word is out of place.)
Have a shrimp scampi for lent dinner yesterday? Your JUST AS MUCH an ABOMINATION before the LORD as that gay couple down the street.
I think it goes someting like...."Remove the beam from your own eye..." (I didnt look it up so please dont jump down my back if a word is out of place.)
Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:40 am
That's funny. Am I still an abomination if I didn't know yesterday was Lent? I had a whole bunch of wicked good Maine shrimp.
Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 12:43 pm
Don't even get me started on gay shrimp! 
Brilliant site, I really like their "about" page where they point out the flaws in interpretation of the bible. Good stuff.
Brilliant site, I really like their "about" page where they point out the flaws in interpretation of the bible. Good stuff.
Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 1:26 pm
On a similar note:
TAMPONS:
"Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!"
Landover Ladies Vow to "Stop Satan From Pulling The Strings!"
Ladies of Landover member Mrs. Taffy Davenport-Gaines Crockett, visiting the Landover Christian Pharmacy recently to refill the church tract display, happened upon a shocking sight. A young woman was visibly upset and arguing loudly with pharmacist Emma Mae Martin. What Mrs. Crockett discovered next sickened her unto the point of nausea.
"The young woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd be damaged by hearing such evil ideas?"
“I explained to this young lady that we do not carry such phallic devices as tampons and when attending to her monthly curse," Mrs. Martin said, adding that "Satan himself controls the manufacturing of those things." The young woman then began to verbally abuse her, she said.
"A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," Mrs. Crockett stated. "Why, they even have them with little angel wings now! I handed her a box and told her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to utter that evil T word again!” The as yet unidentified woman then fled the store in humiliation. Landover Security sketch artists are preparing a likeness to aid in identifying the young woman. Her salvation status is unknown, but based on this event, it is likely she is Hellbound.
"Toxic Shock Syndrome is God's way of punishing unsaved harlots who choose Satan’s cotton fingers over a Godly pad," Pastor Deacon Fred stated upon hearing of the event. "These playthings of Satan are created under the guise of a ladies hygiene product to bring unsuspecting women and young girls to the fold of the Devil."
Church members are commanded to talk to your teen-age daughters, and search their rooms if you have to. "Souls are at stake and God is taking names," added Pastor Wiley.
Mrs. Crockett has organized the Ladies of Landover Phone Bank to spread the word, and has called for both a letter writing protest campaign and a boycott on all stores who are found to carry these satanic sexual devices. Manufacturers who create such vile products will also be targeted for salvation, or, failing that, closure.
Mrs. Crockett has secured six 24-foot trucks for use in her new ministry, "Stop Satan From Pulling The Strings." She and the other Ladies of Landover plan a nationwide tour, going city to city, pulling what she calls "The Devil's delight" from store shelves once clerks are distracted. Upon the ladies' return, Mrs. Crockett plans a large bonfire.
“We shall pray over the flames as we watch these evil devices go back to the fiery pits of hell from whence they came,” Mrs. Crockett said during her church news conference, adding, "these things are created by Satan for pleasure, and young women are succumbing to the Devil without even realizing it. This is one battle Satan will NOT win!" Her statements drew a standing ovation from the congregation.
All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan. Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of hot dogs will be prohibited for obvious reasons.
TAMPONS:
"Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!"
Landover Ladies Vow to "Stop Satan From Pulling The Strings!"
Ladies of Landover member Mrs. Taffy Davenport-Gaines Crockett, visiting the Landover Christian Pharmacy recently to refill the church tract display, happened upon a shocking sight. A young woman was visibly upset and arguing loudly with pharmacist Emma Mae Martin. What Mrs. Crockett discovered next sickened her unto the point of nausea.
"The young woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd be damaged by hearing such evil ideas?"
“I explained to this young lady that we do not carry such phallic devices as tampons and when attending to her monthly curse," Mrs. Martin said, adding that "Satan himself controls the manufacturing of those things." The young woman then began to verbally abuse her, she said.
"A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," Mrs. Crockett stated. "Why, they even have them with little angel wings now! I handed her a box and told her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to utter that evil T word again!” The as yet unidentified woman then fled the store in humiliation. Landover Security sketch artists are preparing a likeness to aid in identifying the young woman. Her salvation status is unknown, but based on this event, it is likely she is Hellbound.
"Toxic Shock Syndrome is God's way of punishing unsaved harlots who choose Satan’s cotton fingers over a Godly pad," Pastor Deacon Fred stated upon hearing of the event. "These playthings of Satan are created under the guise of a ladies hygiene product to bring unsuspecting women and young girls to the fold of the Devil."
Church members are commanded to talk to your teen-age daughters, and search their rooms if you have to. "Souls are at stake and God is taking names," added Pastor Wiley.
Mrs. Crockett has organized the Ladies of Landover Phone Bank to spread the word, and has called for both a letter writing protest campaign and a boycott on all stores who are found to carry these satanic sexual devices. Manufacturers who create such vile products will also be targeted for salvation, or, failing that, closure.
Mrs. Crockett has secured six 24-foot trucks for use in her new ministry, "Stop Satan From Pulling The Strings." She and the other Ladies of Landover plan a nationwide tour, going city to city, pulling what she calls "The Devil's delight" from store shelves once clerks are distracted. Upon the ladies' return, Mrs. Crockett plans a large bonfire.
“We shall pray over the flames as we watch these evil devices go back to the fiery pits of hell from whence they came,” Mrs. Crockett said during her church news conference, adding, "these things are created by Satan for pleasure, and young women are succumbing to the Devil without even realizing it. This is one battle Satan will NOT win!" Her statements drew a standing ovation from the congregation.
All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan. Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of hot dogs will be prohibited for obvious reasons.
Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:28 pm
Zim wrote:
Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Yes it's possible, you might be going to hell. You are welcome to sit at my table when you arrive!
***this is of course assuming that such a place exists... which i don't.