Maybe I'm not that smart

[Zer0]

Maybe it's only that I'm a one-eyed man in a valley of blind people. My area ranks 93rd out 100 US cities in numbers of people with college degrees--6.2%. Not that a college education automatically makes you smart, but daaaaaang. 93rd outta 100? It does make sense though--copme out here and you'll see--slow thinkers is what I call em. We got lotsa slow thinkers.

http://www.ieweekly.com/cms/story/detai ... word/3392/

Final Word
By: Jeff Girod

You’re stupid! That’s according to the Brookings Institute, which ranked Riverside-San Bernardino-Ontario as the 93rd stupidest metropolitan area to live in the United States. Is “stupidest” even a word? No one may ever know . . . or at least nobody living near Riverside, San Bernardino and Ontario. Maybe someone has a friend or relative living on the East Coast we could call and ask about “stupidest,” because Washington D.C. ranked tops as the most educated place to live followed by Bridgeport, Connecticut (2nd); and Boston (4th).

Stupid Boston, always being so smart.

The rankings are based on a percentage of residents who are at least 25 years old and hold four-year college degrees. In our case, only 155,702 people, or 6.2%, of the total Inland Empire population have graduated from college—or “fancy school” as it’s commonly referred to in these parts.


What makes the rankings an even bigger kick in the keister is that this region is not without its share of institutions for highfalutin‘ book learnin‘: UC Riverside; Cal State San Bernardino; University of Redlands; the Claremont Colleges and Cal Poly Pomona. Hell, I think we even have a few bartending and truck-driving schools. But apparently everyone is skedaddling from the Inland Empire right after they graduate, or they’re just staying enrolled long enough to buy a scratchy college sweatshirt.

Think about it (as much as we can, given our ridiculously small pea brains). We rank 93rd out 100 cities, meaning there are only seven areas in the entire country less educated than the mouth-breathing citizens of the Inland Empire. That means almost every time one of us travels to another city, odds are strangers look at us as if we’re gap-toothed bumpkin yokels—imagine Forrest Gump, minus the cool adventures, ability to run fast or play international championship-level ping-pong.

Then again, there are a few advantages to living in a moronic town. For one, we’re more likely to be challenged to a game of Pictionary than Trivial Pursuit. And when we go out to eat at a restaurant in large groups, the one person who can itemize a bill usually gets to eat free: “OK Kenny, that side salad you ordered comes to $21.75. Why don’t we just round up to $50. Oh, and that glass of water was another $15. And don’t forget the silverware tax.”

Sure, we could sit around feeling sorry for our stupid selves. We could even make a commitment to back away from the Xbox, put down the Mountain Dew Code Red and crack open a Reader’s Digest condensed book once in a while. And who knows, when next year’s Brookings Smart List comes out—dare to dream—we might even break into the mid-80s and bump off Chattanooga, Tennessee (87th). Then again, who are we kidding? We’ll never be as smart as Chattanooga, a.k.a. “the Harvard of the South.”

Or we could do what dumb folks have been doing ever since science types started putting them on embarrassing lists: We could make fun of the even stupider folks. (Stupider? More stupid? Seriously does anyone know someone on the East Coast we could ask?)

Luckily, most of the seven dumb assed cities below us on the list are within mocking distance: Fresno (95th), Modesto (97th) and the absolute most idiotic place you can possibly live in the United States, according to the Brooking Institute—and really, why would they lie to a bunch of imbeciles (because that’s just mean)—No. 100 Bakersfield!

Yes, just a hop, skip and short bus ride away from here is good ol‘ Bakersfield. Now I’ve only been to Bakersfield a few times: Once I got sick in a truck stop bathroom. Another time I made a regrettable choice and ordered the Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast. (Wait a minute. That may have been the same trip.) The point is there isn’t much to see in not-so-scenic Bakersfield—though I encourage all of you to make a special trip, if for no other reason than to point and laugh at everyone.

It ain’t much, but it’s all we have here in the Inland Empire. Well, that and our irrational fear of long division. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.

[roadmissile]

Isn't San Bernardino like the California capital of crystal meth infused white power enthusiasts that drive el caminos and those vans from the seventies with like, wizards and shit airbrushed on the side?

Not that most of that isn't awesome or anything...

/RM

[motorpsycho67]

Yeah, we need to wrangle those El Caminos and 70s vans away from those losers......

[Sisyphus]

DC, Bridgeport CT and Boston?

Those places are full of fucking morons.

[Zer0]

DC, Bridgeport CT and Boston?

Those places are full of fucking morons.

Fine, I'lll give you rthat. But now you can reallybegin to appreciate the situation out here and up in Fresno and bakersfield.

[Jaeger]

DC, Bridgeport CT and Boston?

Those places are full of fucking morons.

Fine, I'lll give you rthat. But now you can reallybegin to appreciate the situation out here and up in Fresno and bakersfield.

If we're at the top of the heap... oh, dude, you're totally fucked ('cause there some dumb-ass fuckahs out here, lemme tell ya...).



--Jaeger

[Zer0]

DC, Bridgeport CT and Boston?

Those places are full of fucking morons.

Fine, I'lll give you rthat. But now you can reallybegin to appreciate the situation out here and up in Fresno and bakersfield.

If we're at the top of the heap... oh, dude, you're totally fucked ('cause there some dumb-ass fuckahs out here, lemme tell ya...).



--Jaeger

My point exactly.. Obiwan and I can only hold em off for so long out here in the IE (Bestguess doesn't count--he's here too, but he's insulated in a military compound, and can gallivant around the world whenevver he wants ), but when it reaches saturation point, we go off speeding somewhere to blow it off--Obi goes away to the salt, while I linger in the nerve center and lanesplit through it all.

[Zer0]

Isn't San Bernardino like the California capital of crystal meth infused white power enthusiasts that drive el caminos and those vans from the seventies with like, wizards and shit airbrushed on the side?

Not that most of that isn't awesome or anything...

/RM

Ypou want more awesome? The mullet never died in some pockets out here. Saw a student with one this summer--a real one--none of these pussy-ass retro mulllets, but a real one. And he was wearing a legit acid wash Levi jacket to back his shit up. An inspirational sight of awe to behold.

[Jaeger]

My point exactly.. Obiwan and I can only hold em off for so long out here in the IE (Bestguess doesn't count--he's here too, but he's insulated in a military compound, and can gallivant around the world whenevver he wants )

NOPE, BG is ours now. I had lunch with him a couple weekends ago. He has a new crib right next to BWI.

...but when it reaches saturation point, we go off speeding somewhere to blow it off--Obi goes away to the salt, while I linger in the nerve center and lanesplit through it all.

For as brain-dead and ignr'nt as y'all might be, at least you can lanesplit and smoke weed with impunity.



--Jaeger

[Zer0]

My point exactly.. Obiwan and I can only hold em off for so long out here in the IE (Bestguess doesn't count--he's here too, but he's insulated in a military compound, and can gallivant around the world whenevver he wants )

NOPE, BG is ours now. I had lunch with him a couple weekends ago. He has a new crib right next to BWI.

Seriously? (I knew the pasty New Englander couldn't hack it out here ) Gonna miss him,

...but when it reaches saturation point, we go off speeding somewhere to blow it off--Obi goes away to the salt, while I linger in the nerve center and lanesplit through it all.

For as brain-dead and ignr'nt as y'all might be, at least you can lanesplit and smoke weed with impunity.



--Jaeger

12 months a year, Bubba!