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The Inevitable

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:50 pm
by Jonny
I have not been about the boards so much recently, but if you would please indulge me a little...


I found out a little over 2 months ago that my father had been diagnosed with leukaemia. Not really knowing the situation I thought it best to take a month off work, fly back to Australia with my family, and spend as much time with him as possible, also giving him a chance to play with and get to know his grandson Liam. I saw dad for the first time in more than 4 years in October last year, and age had certainly taken it's toll. This time the illness was all too apparent. Still, he was quite sprightly for the first couple of weeks. Complications started to set in, however, and he spent much of the following weeks in hospital.

As our time there drew to a close I could see that I may need to make another trip to see him in the not too distant future. On the 30th of last month I got a call from my younger brother saying that dad didn't look so good, and it seemed he had had a stroke. Ticket booked I flew out for Melbourne again the next day, this time alone. I arrived at the airport early and my brother took me straight to the hospital. It was all he could do to just lay there and breathe, and seeing him like that took me back 10 years to when my mother lost her struggle with cancer in that very same ward. I talked to him for a while, let him know about my wife and boy, and told him he was missed and loved. After a while I asked if I could be left alone with him for a time so I could talk privately, and when alone, I was able to tell him how proud I was of him, how much he meant to me, and that his spirit and memory will continue on through me and my boy. He sighed deeply when I mentioned Liam's name, the first sign of any communication from him since I arrived that day. He was a keen sailor all his life, so I told him about the beautiful weather that day, how the sky and sea looked, and the lush green hills rolling beyond the bay. Again he sighed. And with that, I kissed him on the head, gave him a big gentle hug, and his breathing slowly became shallower and shallower, his pulse dimmer and dimmer, until it slowly faded away, and he was gone.

God rest your soul, John Anthony Pingree. We all have our foibles, but I am very proud of you, proud to be your son, and love you very much.

You will be greatly missed.

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:57 pm
by Toonce(s)
Word

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 9:21 pm
by GeekGrl
Would that we are all granted the chance to say farewell to loved ones in such a gentle and loving way.

With great sympathy for your loss, and admiration for the guidance you gave your father in the last steps of his journey.

May you and yours find peace through the fond memories of a life well lived.

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 9:41 pm
by Ames
GeekGrl wrote:Would that we are all granted the chance to say farewell to loved ones in such a gentle and loving way.

With great sympathy for your loss, and admiration for the guidance you gave your father in the last steps of his journey.

May you and yours find peace through the fond memories of a life well lived.
Well spake.

My condolences for your troubles.

Jonny, you were a great son at the worst of times. Good on ya.

Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 11:40 pm
by UndertheGun
I'm glad you got a chance to say goodbye.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:34 am
by Sisyphus
Ouch. That's a really bittersweet post. You're lucky to have been there.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:25 am
by Pattio
Well done Sir, and my condolences on your loss. It was a clear, bright few October days like today when my own father passed, and this time of year always brings some piece of that memory. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience, although now my coffee is going to be a little salty with the addition of a few tears.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 6:00 am
by rc26
Good that you got there to see him before he passed. Having lost my mom last month was pretty hard, I still have my moments.

The good memories of your parents (or anyone for that matter) will always be with you, they don't die.

Sorry for your loss.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 7:53 am
by goose
Condolences Jonny. I can't really add anything to what has already been said. I'm sorry for your loss.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:48 am
by scumbag
At a loss for words... I am glad you were able to speak with him at the end.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 1:35 pm
by guitargeek
I'm crying my fucking eyes out here.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jonny, yet so glad you got to spend that precious, incalculably valuable time with your dad.

You're a good son and a good man.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:00 pm
by rolly
My sincere condolences.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 2:27 pm
by Pintgudge
Thank you for telling us.

I admire you for the way you were able to be there and say that.

I hope you find peace.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:22 pm
by Jonny
Thanks all, your kind words and sympathies really do mean a lot.

Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:49 pm
by DerGolgo
It sounds like he went in peace and knowing he was loved, which is all any of us can hope for.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 7:06 am
by Jaeger
Godspeed, Mr. Pingree. And well done, Johnny, both in terms of your actions with your Dad and with your writing.

--Jaeger

Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 8:14 am
by tumbler
i'm sorry for your loss. I lost my father a few years ago, and It's sill hard sometimes.

Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:29 pm
by Zer0
Wow Jonny. That's a powerfully touching story to share with us, and given the circumstances, that is anything and everything a son could do for his father. With that last kiss you gave him, John Anthony Pingree died completely at peace, knowing how much he was loved, and immeasurably proud of his son. Despite his physical maladies, he died on cloud 9.

Condolences and strength to you and your family.

I

Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 1:53 pm
by Drift
I should be so lucky to be able to say goodbye that way when it comes. Thank you for sharing.

My thoughts are with you.

Posted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 10:06 am
by calamari kid
Condolences on your loss, and kudos for handling it with such grace. My thoughts are with you and your family.