UTMC

I've never wanted a beard.
I'm not particularly a huge fan of the beard, though some can rock it well.
Yet recently, I became exceedingly curious as to what I would look like with a beard, and what color my beard would actually be.

You see, I've got the facial coloration of an elderly calico cat. Blond, brown, black, red, and grey can all be found in the same square centimeter. I wanted to see which color would win overall, and there is only one way to find out: grow a beard.

I'm on week... two? three?

All I can say is that This. Shit. Sucks.

Before, the joke was that I feel as if I'm being face fucked by a weasel.
Now I feel like I'm being face fucked by a drunken, angry weasel. A drunken, angry weasel with a goddamned beard.

Of course, now there are two points of curiosity weighing against my overarching urge to depilate: the original question of what goddamned color my goddamned itchy, face fucking weasel beard is; and how long can I stand the goddamned thing before I lose my mind and scrape it off with a jagged rock or a broken beer bottle.

Gents (Bill) how the hell can you stand this shit?

Had a fine beard once. Shaved most of it off because I got sick of carrying the tools required to chip off the mask of ice that would instantly form if I made the mistake of exhaling outdoors in winter.

one day I will grow one. one day.

I really, really hate shaving. My facial hair is so thick to the point I'm not entirely sure it's human and my skin is very sensitive, a horrible combination, but who cares when you look this cool?

My facial hair is also pretty goddamned thick.
I, however, desensitized my skin a long time ago by shaving without any form of lubricant. At times, I have had to shave my face without so much as any water (highly unpleasant).
It never feels *good* to shave, but doing so in front of people without any sort of shaving cream is always good for a squeamish reaction.

Now that's a chin warmer!





I couldn't grow a proper beard with a gun to my head, yet I have to shave every day.

WeAintFoundShit wrote: It never feels *good* to shave, but doing so in front of people without any sort of shaving cream is always good for a squeamish reaction.

Really?

I do that all the time.

Yeah.
Of course, like I said, my facial hair is somewhat coarse, so when I shave, it's audible from a few feet away.

WeAintFoundShit wrote:Yeah.
Of course, like I said, my facial hair is somewhat coarse, so when I shave, it's audible from a few feet away.

Ah, there's the difference.


Mine's pretty sparse.

Yeah, coarse hair sucks. Bless my Scottish ancestors. Ya gotta give it more than a couple weeks for the discomfort to go away. Being in a warm climate doesn't help. I've had varying lengths and configurations of facial hair for most of my adult life. I decided to go bare faced a few years back and now I can't bring myself to put up with the hassle of getting used to it again. Tried at the beginning of last winter and gave up after a month. Getting soft in my old age.

Keep a fine-tooth comb with you at all times, use it often. It helps.

I have to shave every day

I've never been a fan of shaving, and wasn't too thrilled my first year at work when I had to every shift. Thankfully, before the year was up, someone started a contest to see who could grow the best stache. I got to grow some facial hair sooner than expected, AND I won $50.

Still have to shave more then I'd lake (being, at all), but I have to shave a little less now. 21 years to go until I get my ZZ Top on.

-Rench

PS: Chuck, EPIC jealousy...

I don't enjoy shaving, but my face weasel is coarse and curly, it takes a while to get past the "Oh My God This Is Driving Me INSANE!" stage.
Then it only lasts a month or two before I need to scrape teh weasel off my face and start over again.

Went to the barber the other week for a "trim" -- only wanted them to take 1/2-1" off of my 2-3" goatee... yet the clippers spoke otherwise. Time to start growing again.

S'ok -- I've grown the winter beard, so now the rest of my face has some time to catch up.

To be fair, it was getting a little out of control -- a couple of the Lebanese guys here at work looked at me and said "what, are you going the madrassa?"



--Jaeger

One word... CONDITIONER!

Seriously, find your wife's/girlfriend's/female aquaintance's favourite conditioner and slather that shit on and leave it for a few minutes. Makes a world of difference.

On that note, I have leather face and could probably dry shave off what I have now with a dull jack knife and not notice any discomfort.



(that's the new Tiger 800XC and I am in luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust.)

Wait till the hair is long enough to respond to wind.
Then just stand in the wind.
You'll like it.

DerGolgo wrote:Wait till the hair is long enough to respond to wind.
Then just stand in the wind.
You'll like it.

+1

--Jaeger

thrasherbill wrote:One word... CONDITIONER!

Seriously, find your wife's/girlfriend's/female aquaintance's favourite conditioner and slather that shit on and leave it for a few minutes. Makes a world of difference.

i would second the conditioner, though some leave too much residue and create a "heavy" feeling beard.

i have never had an issue with beard itch though. the first 2 days of stubble is annoying, but prior to beard i had to put up with that every weekend anyway. and shaving everyday was far far worse than anything else.

ever since 7th grade i have slowly been letting my sideburns get longer and longer, until finally, early in college, it reached true "beard". then my first western NY winter, working outside for the grounds crew taught me the full value of a "hunting beard". can't really imagine *not* having it at this point.

I just put the thickest hand cream I can find in mine. Same thing as conditioner.

I fear razors.

I haven't touched a razor since September and I don't have any desire to.

Rabbit_Fighter wrote:

You and your bone structure...

I like beards... having them... talking about them.

I love having a beard in the winter. It's like a snuggie for your face. Oh... and if you are getting rid of the ice in your beard, you are doing that wrong. Ice insulates you from the wind. Let the ice form, builds character. I hate having a mustache but I love being a super villain. I'm glad we are talking about beards. Mine is finally getting some gray in it. Nice. In case some of you on facebook missed it, my Game company is called Born with Beards and all we have up on our website and facebook page is our logo, we are very busy making games. www.bornwithbeards.com beards are amazing, everyone should try to have one at least once in your life. I'm glad lots of people on here have beards. I don't have any pics of my ugly mug... or I would share.

Go Beards!

Conditioner.
This is a good plan.

This thread gives me the beard inspiration I need to not freak out and shave this goddamned thing off... Yet.

Hell,
even "I" had a beard last year... (Shut up Jaeger!)

-The wind is one thing but it also feels rather different when you
are underwater and you can feel the current.

Also, for Dozer's comment. Yeah, don't see him getting a beard
anytime soon.

WeAintFoundShit wrote:This thread gives me the beard inspiration I need to not freak out and shave this goddamned thing off... Yet.

Hang in there. Just when you think you can't take it any more, it starts to feel fine.

While I do not wear a full proper beard, I am mostly covered with a Van Dike and full sideburns. I could never get used to the chin strap on my helmet chaffing on the under chin beard hair so I keep that trimmed up weekly or so. I have also noticed, probably due to how thick my mustache grows in, that I can only deal with the hair so long. I keep mine trimmed with a number 4 guide, seems to balance the dirty savage and semi-respectable person looks.


With 65 miles worth of eastern Washington desert dust, and before I grew out the hair on my head.

Thus far...

I'd love to grow a beard....... but can't.