UTMC

Ole says to his wife Lena, 'My Olympic condoms have arrived - I think I'll wear gold tonight' .

Lena says 'why don't you wear silver and come second for a change'.

Ole, on his deathbed asked, "Are all my children here?"
Yes Ole.
"Are all my grand children here?"
Yes Ole.
"So, everyone in the house is here at my bedside?"
Yes Ole.
"Then why is the light in the kitchen still on?"

I've been taking my clothes to the local laundry, Ole Olefson's. I finally had to ask the Chinese owner how he got a name like Ole Olefson. He replied "I come to this country and stand in immigrataion line behind huge man with big beard. They ask him 'What your name?' He say 'Ole Olefson'. Now it my turn, they ask me 'What your name?' I tell them 'Sam Ting.'"

Sven and Ole go to Fargo and visit a brothel. A woman says she will have sex with both of them for $20, but insists, "You have to use rubbers because I don't want to get pregnant." They agree and everything goes as planned. Back on the farm, a week later, Sven says, "Hey,Ole, remember that girl we met in Fargo?" "You betcha, why?" Well, I been thinking I don't give a damn whether she gets pregnant or not." "Me neither." "Well, let's take dese damn things off, then."

Ole comes back from Minot where he found a book at a bookstore on sexual positions. Being the cheap bastard he is, he didn't buy it, but he looked all through it before returning it to the shelf. He couldn't wait to tell his wife, Lena about it.

"Lena, of all the positions in the book, I think I want to try the one called 'the wheelbarrow.'"

"Yah, you bet, Ole. How does it work?"

"Well," says Ole," remember when we were kids, and we'd play outside, and you'd lie on your tummy, and I'd lift you up by your ankles and you'd get up on your arms and we'd go down the sidewalk? It's kinda like that, except we're all barenaked and I lift you up by the ankles and you get up on your arms, and I just 'plug 'er in,' and away we go!"

Yah, sure, Ole, I'll do it under two conditions. First, if my arms get tired, we gotta stop."

"Sure," replied Ole. "What's the other condition."

"We can't go down the sidewalk in front of my Mama's house."

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena Said, "Ole, you can go farther if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

Ole and Lena are in their favorite restaurant enjoying a meal when a man at a table suddenly begins choking and turning purple. Ole immediately jumps up, lifts the choking man to his feet, rips the mans pants down and begins licking his butt. Startled, the man hacks up a piece of half chewed lutefisk and begins gasping air, able to breathe at last.

"Ole", Lena exclaims, "that was amazing! Where did you learn to do that?"

Ole proudly explains, "Ya, I hear about it on da radio. Dey call it da hind-lick maneuver."