Family advice wanted...
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:59 am
or, Trainwreck Intervention?
So an unnamed family member seems to be a functioning-adult trainwreck. I could detail why this person should be actively on the paved-for-them, golden road to a better life, but I don't want to bore you.
In general terms, this individual was shat upon by life and others they were willing to help. They eventually found themselves in near-poverty and a miserable marriage living a thousand miles from friends and family.
Through much counseling (as in loving advice and the insurance-paid-for-type), this person moved back in with family, has an active support network, is in the process of a divorce from their parasitic spouse, landed a decent-paying career-path gig in their chosen field, and has been on the road to personal recovery for 18 months or so, complete with the dream job as of 8 months ago.
This morning, I got a call (on the paid for with the family plan cell phone) that this persons car (paid for by a family member with a no-interest, pay me back when you can loan) wouldn't start, and they would have to call me once they got to work, because they lost their phone charger again, but be advised while thinking of why the car won't start, there is absolutely no fundage, not a penny, in their bank account, until next payday, 2 weeks away.
Now, this is not a bad day. This is just another domino in the continual collapse, where myself and others, in addition to managing our own lives, have to run out ahead and try to set this persons dominoes up ahead of the inevitable cascade. The phone is always dead on battery. The chargers are always lost. The keys are constantly lost or locked in the car. The bank account is always empty. And the divorce process has apprently stalled; they just stopped doing the paperwork.
Now, I am no pillar of financial strength, especially after a hitch with the taxes, I'm back to paycheck-to-paycheck for a while. But this person (whom I love deeply, and don't get me wrong, I'm not writing off, I just have run out of ways to try and help), they make well over $40k a year, have no car payments, no housing or utility payments, no cell phone bill, and has the option to eat free, at home at least every dinner and all weekend meals. To add to the head-scratch, their job reimburses 100% of public transportation costs to work. They live about 3 miles from the train.
To my understanding, they are still sending at least some money back to the estranged spouse, or paying the rent on the old house or something, which I somehow cannot talk my beloved family member out of. But even the expense of that should not be causing this swirling black fianacial hole that is continually eroding the base of a new life.
So, yeah, in addition to the vent here, who's got advice? Anyone ever successfully sat down the brother/sister/cousin/old friend and corrected the error of their ways? I swear, this is not annoyance, or me getting tired of helping this person out, I'm just geting baffled at the continual failure to launch, when everything has been set up for success.
-Rench
So an unnamed family member seems to be a functioning-adult trainwreck. I could detail why this person should be actively on the paved-for-them, golden road to a better life, but I don't want to bore you.
In general terms, this individual was shat upon by life and others they were willing to help. They eventually found themselves in near-poverty and a miserable marriage living a thousand miles from friends and family.
Through much counseling (as in loving advice and the insurance-paid-for-type), this person moved back in with family, has an active support network, is in the process of a divorce from their parasitic spouse, landed a decent-paying career-path gig in their chosen field, and has been on the road to personal recovery for 18 months or so, complete with the dream job as of 8 months ago.
This morning, I got a call (on the paid for with the family plan cell phone) that this persons car (paid for by a family member with a no-interest, pay me back when you can loan) wouldn't start, and they would have to call me once they got to work, because they lost their phone charger again, but be advised while thinking of why the car won't start, there is absolutely no fundage, not a penny, in their bank account, until next payday, 2 weeks away.
Now, this is not a bad day. This is just another domino in the continual collapse, where myself and others, in addition to managing our own lives, have to run out ahead and try to set this persons dominoes up ahead of the inevitable cascade. The phone is always dead on battery. The chargers are always lost. The keys are constantly lost or locked in the car. The bank account is always empty. And the divorce process has apprently stalled; they just stopped doing the paperwork.
Now, I am no pillar of financial strength, especially after a hitch with the taxes, I'm back to paycheck-to-paycheck for a while. But this person (whom I love deeply, and don't get me wrong, I'm not writing off, I just have run out of ways to try and help), they make well over $40k a year, have no car payments, no housing or utility payments, no cell phone bill, and has the option to eat free, at home at least every dinner and all weekend meals. To add to the head-scratch, their job reimburses 100% of public transportation costs to work. They live about 3 miles from the train.
To my understanding, they are still sending at least some money back to the estranged spouse, or paying the rent on the old house or something, which I somehow cannot talk my beloved family member out of. But even the expense of that should not be causing this swirling black fianacial hole that is continually eroding the base of a new life.
So, yeah, in addition to the vent here, who's got advice? Anyone ever successfully sat down the brother/sister/cousin/old friend and corrected the error of their ways? I swear, this is not annoyance, or me getting tired of helping this person out, I'm just geting baffled at the continual failure to launch, when everything has been set up for success.
-Rench