UTMC

I was going through some of my stuff on my desk and I ran across a pic of my old friend's car that I modified.

Garreth was a friend of mine that passed away last year. However, when he was alive he liked to drink - a lot. And when he drank, he liked to drive, like a fucking idiot (the decision to drive - not necessarily the manner - though, I wouldn't know). Anyway, after a couple of DUI's the state still let him keep his license (ok, that was stupid). However, they did, at least, require a breathalyzer.

Anyway, those damn things cost a pretty penny and you can't tamper with them or it sends the information to some satellite and they blow you up or something. Garreth, bought a new car and had this damn thing installed so he could drive.

Problem was: He didn't have a license yet. So, he asked me to pick up the car for him. You have to blow HARD into the damn thing to start it, then it randomly goes off WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING. You have like 20 seconds to blow into it again, or the car shuts down. Pretty embarrassing, but not embarrassing enough.

So, I decide it needs an irrevocable modification before delivering the the car. A quick stop for supplies, chop the tube real short and make modification for Garreth.

I'm practically the new Jesse James of Breathalyzer customs:




Yes, I am a dick!

Hey, that's really educational.

"Imagine you drive drunk, and you kill someone, you'll end up in county sucking a real one!"

Outstanding work, Goose.

That looks like a penis.

You are an evil genius.

That's truly inspired.

?

That looks perfectly normal.

Now that's a deterrent.

I don't get it.

Blow on that thing and you'd be giving instead of getting anything, Tucko.

My brother had one of those--sans penis--on his car for the same reasons.
I wonder if you couldn't just get a regular dive tank hooked up to it?

My God, that's a work of genius!

to be honest, it was really intended as a means to prevent him from convincing passersby or friends from blowing for him (alcoholics do that).

I mean, it may be difficult to get someone to blow into a plastic tube (you know, "oh dude, can you help me out here? I just used mouthwash and it may set off the detector" {bullshit excuse}), but it's likely impossible to charm someone into putting that lil plastic penis in their mouth to help a brother out. I wanted to install something bigger, darker and vein -ier, but time constraints were high and tool access was low. It had to remain functional.

Also, I thought it would be funny if that damn thing went off randomly as he was trying to a) stay cool with a cop beside him - um officer, umm, err ; b) look cool with a chick that pulled up beside him "hey good lookin I'll be back to. . . oh shit"; and c) get some guy to wink at him as it went off by the Triangle (Denver Gay Bar).

Sadly, the booze finally killed him. However, he did stop driving long before it (he ripped out the blow and go - it took about 6 months for the cops to realize it was removed and the car was repossessed by the state).

As an aside, when playing a practical joke such as this, you should get to your final destination BEFORE INSTALLING THE APPARATUS! Yeah, I blew that lil pecker like four times just to deliver the car. Sux when you get caught up in your own web.

Where is that applause GIF when you need it?

That is epically right in its' wrongness.