all good things come to an end

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:58 pm

it looks like i may have to sell the mustang gt.

one of my daughters needs dental work of such a magnitude that two actual surgeries are required. i don't know how much that will cost, but i am certain that all my grad degree money won't cover it.

i am giving the ex a chance to redeem himself to the kids though, and so i let him know through the grapevine that he needs to help. (i haven't spoken to him in 6 years)

i am cool with all this. i have my tefl certificate so i can teach english anywhere in the world. i don't need a grad degree to get a job.

Pintgudge · Post by **Pintgudge** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:51 am

I hope he does take his responsibility.

You may not NEED a graduate degree, but I know from enjoying your life vicariously that you have been having a hell of a lot of fun meeting the huge challenges involved.

Talk about personal satisfaction, it's not all about just getting a job.

Take what you deserve!

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:53 am

Have you looked into Care Credit? When my son needed serious dental surgery, we couldn't cover the multi-thousand co-pay, but Care Credit helped with somewhere around $1500 which made the difference. Of course it is another debt over my head, but it wasn't straight up out of my pocket.
Don't quit the education if you are close to finished with it. Its not a matter of whether or not you love your kids, you cannot lose sight of your own needs, either.

xtian · Post by **xtian** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 6:44 am

Another rock to push all the way to the top of that mountain. Go for it.

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:28 am

xtian wrote:Another rock to push all the way to the top of that mountain. Go for it.

with all these freaking rocks i've pushed up there i could build my own castle.

MagnusTheBuilder · Post by **MagnusTheBuilder** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 11:22 am

sun rat wrote:
xtian wrote:Another rock to push all the way to the top of that mountain. Go for it.
with all these freaking rocks i've pushed up there i could build my own castle.

Strategically the best place to build a castle is at the top of a hill, that way you have a great view and by the time the invaders are finished running up the hill they don't have the energy to lay siege to the castle, also sledding is more fun in the winter, also the lightning required to bring that monster you've been building to life, and 360 degrees of rotation for the laser death ray. Lots of good reasons to build a castle on the top of a hill. I don't know a lot about pushing rocks up hills, perhaps Sisyphus could tell you more.

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 12:43 pm

since i went public in the family with my daughter's need for maxillo-facial surgery, we've been having the relatives(ex inlaws) question the necessity of it. and i am growing more and more furious at how callously people are willing to let this girl go on with this issue.

of course, the fact that i have been paying for everything medical for these kids all alone without his help doesn't even cross their fucking radar.

so fuck em all. i know what is best.

sorry for the rant. i would scan the dental photos, but i honestly can't stand to look at them...

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:07 pm

sun rat wrote:
xtian wrote:Another rock to push all the way to the top of that mountain. Go for it.
with all these freaking rocks i've pushed up there i could build my own castle.

Hey. There can be only ONE.

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:24 pm

we could score this a few different ways...
swordfight to the death, number of rocks pushed uphill, or who looks better in a plaid skirt...

Zer0 · Post by **Zer0** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:28 pm

sun rat wrote:sorry for the rant. i would scan the dental photos, but i honestly can't stand to look at them...

You don't have to post any pics for us--we believe you, and you definitely shouldn't have to prove anything to your relatives.

Shame on them. They just want to absolve themselves for having to care. Shame.

Good luck. Sorry, but that's all I have to offer.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:04 pm

Yeah it's a tough call, but seriously. Tough call. We've asked for help before. Humbling but that's what family is supposed to be for, when you need it.

roadmissile · Post by **roadmissile** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:44 pm

sun rat wrote:we could score this a few different ways...

Best karaoke rendition of queen, upload the videos here and we'll pick a winner

Good luck with the bullshit, sorry to hear about it.

/RM

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 5:35 pm

Mk3 · Post by **Mk3** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 5:37 pm

Best karaoke rendition of queen, upload the videos here and we'll pick a winner

then wrap up with a duet to under pressure.

Sorry its such a mess, don't give up, put it to the regret test. Think 5/10/20 years out and will you kick yourself in the ass for not doing it? if yes, then straighten up and git er done. it sucks, but the payoffs are worth it.

As for the ex fam, the hell with em. If this is exemplary of the quality of their character, then expect exacerbation, and give em the bacon early.

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:00 pm

the regret test isn't a good gauge for some people. i'll just leave it at that.

for me there is no question of whether or not i will take care of my daughter's problems. the only question is how i will get the funding.

i've gotten to drive an awesome amazing car for a little over a year now. that is way way more than most people on this planet get. i can let it go.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:18 pm

I guess it's all perspective, and if you frame it in a global sense like you just did, then you're on the right track. Sometimes its hard to keep things in that sort of category, especially when we live where we do because even if you're dirt poor you still have it pretty good compared to, say, the poorest of the poor on a global scale.
My dentist suggested getting insurance. It makes sense, from a defensive point of view. Might look into that. Me, I just stopped going. Not the best idea but my kids have teeth, too. I figure when I go back, when I do, I'll just say, "Instead of paying you what I normally would, I'm going to pay you what you'd charge the insurance company, plus, say, 10%. Or I'll go elsewhere."

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 8:11 pm

well, judging from the email i received from the ex, i'll probably be better off not dealing with him.

but i am totally frustrated and depressed and upset so i may be misreading what he is saying. because of that i am not going to answer him till tomorrow.

days like today i feel like i am a waste of oxygen.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:21 am

Never write letters when angry.

Go have a cup of tea and a long bath.

Zer0 · Post by **Zer0** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:18 am

Sisyphus wrote:Never write letters when angry.

Go have a cup of tea and a long bath.

Yes, listen to Sissy, then take the Stang out for a rip before you let it go. I love Mustangs--never had one, so your attitude is a goood one. Let it go. It's a thing. Bath and tea, then do whatever the fuck you need to do to provide for your daughter. She'll remember this, and will learn from you how to be a good mom and a good woman who will take no shit when it comes to her children.

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:25 pm

i am no great person. i am just trying to do things so i can keep my conscience clear. a clear conscience is a great thing to have.

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Fri Apr 06, 2012 4:02 pm

i should update. there is a fucking rant.

haven't sold the gt yet but it is now 100% certain that he won't help. why do i say that, you ask?

we did some "negotiating". well, if negotiating means he asks questions and i give him answers then he says those answers aren't good enough. then he decided to offer up 7200 bucks in payments over two years. the following two sentences i sent back made him so mad at my lack of gratitude that he retracted all but 2000 bucks for half the youngest's braces.

"it's better than nothing. we'll take it." seriously, he was all over me about my complete lack of gratitude for what will be only about 1/4 of the total costs if i am lucky.

i let that email just sit there. i thought he might come to his senses if i left him alone with the last word. then i got the first check yesterday which was noted that it was only a payment on the youngest's braces and not the other one's surgeries...

i may just burn it up and send the ashes back to him in an envelope.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Fri Apr 06, 2012 5:25 pm

As much fun at that would be, you only go 'round once. Money's money. Take it if you went through that much hassle to get it for your kids.
Yeah. You're mad. But you do what you have to.

Zer0 · Post by **Zer0** » Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:42 am

Sissy's spot on again. Take the money, period.

roadmissile · Post by **roadmissile** » Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:58 am

Send back some anthrax instead.

/RM

goose · Post by **goose** » Sat Apr 07, 2012 4:31 pm

Sisyphus wrote:As much fun at that would be, you only go 'round once. Money's money. Take it if you went through that much hassle to get it for your kids.
Yeah. You're mad. But you do what you have to.

Yup, target fixation on anything is bad (literally or figuratively). Take things the way they are, assess and adapt. I know, it's not that easy. But staying stuck in a moment for too long becomes obsession and worthless blame. Does he deserve it? Sure. Does that matter? Not really.

It's fucked up, but you can't fix it. Being angry for too long only serves to get in your own way. Write him off. Write off the idea that he's ever going to make good. Adapt and make things as good as you can without depending on him (or anyone else) doing the right thing. You'll be fine. Just keep fighting

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:54 pm

it's hard for me to believe sometimes that it's been 12 years ago that he left us. and i have had to put up with his neglecting the kids for that long.

he has paid the child support, although mostly on his own schedule. but he has been in contempt of court on the insurance issue as well as other things. and he has only seen them three summer visitations in all this time.

doing the right thing all alone has been hard, but i've done it.

i'll be glad when all this is over and i will never have to deal with him again.

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all good things come to an end

all good things come to an end