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Surreal email scammer conversation

A forum for the off topic stuff. Everything from religion to philosophy to sex to humor (see why it used to be called Buggery?). All manner of rude psychological abuse is welcome and encouraged.
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User avatar
xtian
Le coureur de lames chasse Tinti...
Location: belgium
Contact:

Surreal email scammer conversation

Post by xtian » Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:04 am

I put an ad with the idea to sell my ZL because I really have no time to take care of it and it hurts to see it stand in the garage. Of course the first two replies were scams... Note that all those belgian are writing in english but it can happens as we never know if the other guy is french or flemish speaking.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- from peter
Hi, i will like to know if the machine/bike is for sale, the present condition and the final asking price for it.
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- from xtian
Hi, the bike is (blah blah blah about the bike)

You can find pictures of the bike taken a couple of weeks ago here
http://blah blah blah

and a video with running engine here
http://blah blah blah

It is not necessary to ask me for more informations or picture if your next move is a nice story about a transporter taking it to you in jamaïca and a big check and the usual internet bullshit, the bike has to be paid cash or by bank, any illegal money retrieving attempt will be reported, thank you already for your comprehension.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- From Peter
Thanks for the mail, i am buying this for my use,i am a petroleum engineer currently on a rig offshore i really want this to be a surprise gift for my Brother so i wont let him know anything about this until it gets delivered to him , i am sure he will be more than happy with it.I can only pay with PayPal here, i will need you to give me your PayPal email address so i can make the payments asap and please if you don't have PayPal account yet, it is very easy to setup, go to www.paypal.com and get it set up , after you have set it up i will only need the e-mail address you use for registration with PayPal so as to put the money through.The advert price is okay with me:Pick up agent will come for the pick up as soon as i have made the payments, i would have loved to talk to you on phone but i am a petroleum engineer I work mainly offshore, our phone is down on the rig right now due to bad weather, we can only communicate with our base for now.

Thanks
Peter
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- From xtian
oh great, then you must know my friend Tim, he's an offshore engineer too and he wrote me about this bike last week too.
My paypal adress is gofuckyourself@pieceofshit.be
But I'm afraid your brother doesn't have balls big enough for this bike.
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- from Peter
Thanks for replying, which oil rig is your friend Tim on,maybe i can get in touch with him for you, it wont be easy but if i can talk with base when the weather is clearer then am sure i can pass any information you want across might take days but he will get it.

I got an email from my agent. he said he won't come and pick up unless i pay him the agent commission fee first in order to be able to schedule a pick up time ,and my pick up agent head quarters is in Surrey,UK and all commission payments made for pick up, from anywhere in the world is sent to their head quarters in United Kingdom and the only form of payments they accept is western union money transfer and i tried to pay online but i will need a credit card which i didn't bring along and there is no western union agent offshore! so i have to ask you to help me with the pick up fees, i will include the 480 Euro they charge to pick it up and take it home for me(1st class treatment), to the payments i will send through paypal. After i have made the payments and it has been confirmed by paypal, i will need you to help me send the 480 euro to my pick up agent through western union money transfer, the western union money transfer can be made at a post office near to you,there is always a western union agent in most post offices or online at www.westernunion.com . I will be making the payments for 1510 euro , 50 euro for the western union transfer and will email you as soon as it has been done..

Here is the Name and address of my pickup agent:
Name: JOHN BRADFORD
Address: 71 Brinklay Road,
Worcester Park
Surrey.
KT48JE
United Kingdom.
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what should I do next ? :)


I'm not really from around here.

piccini9
Everybody dies. It's a love story.

Post by piccini9 » Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:11 am

Mail a frozen fish to the address listed.
Adding pink and unicorns makes everything better.
-roadmissile

Treatment may include things like riding motorcycles and crocheting… whatever it takes to counteract the deleterious effects of existence. - Rolly

User avatar
Sisyphus
Rigging the Ancient Mariner
Location: The Muckworks
Contact:

Post by Sisyphus » Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:19 am

Pull a reverse scam and say you'll deliver the bike yourself. Have his man meet you (supposedly) at some given location but keep moving the location around.
Pretend you got lost, etc, tell him you'll be late, then make up all sorts of things to keep them moving around, waste their time. You could keep it up for days! Weeks, even, if you have the patience and cunning.
Sent from my POS laptop plugged into the wall

User avatar
xtian
Le coureur de lames chasse Tinti...
Location: belgium
Contact:

Post by xtian » Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:41 am

nice suggestions. I was thinking about giving him the number of my credit card and password so that he could do the payment himself.
I'm not really from around here.

User avatar
DerGolgo
Zaphod's Zeitgeist
Location: Potato

Post by DerGolgo » Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:17 am

First thing you should do is post this on an online forum for your friends to chuckle over...ok, I see you already did that.

I think baiting scammers is getting old. Princes of Nigeria and the like, sure, that can be fun (see here), but regular scammers like that one I'd just report to whichever service you used for advertising your sale so they are aware of him and think no further about it.

Also, someone should register pieceofshit.be, it sounds positively yoda-esque.
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

I said I have a big stick.

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Bigshankhank
Fully Autonomous Cock-Puncher
Location: Exiled to Living in a Van Down By The River
Contact:

Post by Bigshankhank » Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:26 am

DerGolgo wrote: Also, someone should register pieceofshit.be, it sounds positively yoda-esque.
I was thinkig the same thing, what an awesome domain name.

Anyway, go online and register for any and every banner ad you come across (maybe do this from a public library so you don't screw up your own computer) and register that name and address as "interested in your services". Doesn't matter what it is, just load him up with junk mail. I assume GB has junkmail flyers and mailers and garbage that plugs up the Royal Mail service just as it does here in the States.

Or just take the train over there and shit on his lawn in the middle of the night. Its kind of old school I know, think of it as the cafe racer of pranks!
It's time for Humankind to ditch the imaginary friends of our species' childhood and grow the fuck up.
-Davros

"Lasse mich deine Seele dem Herrscher der Finsternis opfern"

Let me sacrifice your soul to the ruler of darkness

Always carry a bottle of whiskey when you travel in case of a snakebite. Futhermore, always carry a small snake.

MoraleHazard
Vatican Sex Kitten
Location: Stamford, CT

Post by MoraleHazard » Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:50 am

+1 on the junk mail.

Tell him your agent needs EUR 50 as a "convenience fee" before you can send EUR 480.
666(k) Retirement Plan of the Beast. Only offered by Dis Annuities.
____________

'91 EX500 (sold)
'04 R1150R

____________

It's like getting bitten by a radioactive horse and instead of getting a really large cock you turn into a brony.

User avatar
DerGolgo
Zaphod's Zeitgeist
Location: Potato

Post by DerGolgo » Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:35 am

MoraleHazard wrote:+1 on the junk mail.

Tell him your agent needs EUR 50 as a "convenience fee" before you can send EUR 480.
Careful, that might be attempted fraud there.
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

I said I have a big stick.

User avatar
xtian
Le coureur de lames chasse Tinti...
Location: belgium
Contact:

Post by xtian » Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:05 pm

I already reported the whole conversation to the computer crime unit.
I can't believe the guy is stupid enough to post his real address but then again if he's stupid enough to buy the rest of the story...
I'm not really from around here.

goose
Pâté de Foie Gras
Location: Foggy Peninsula West of Oakland and South of Marin

Post by goose » Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:04 pm

DerGolgo wrote:
MoraleHazard wrote:+1 on the junk mail.

Tell him your agent needs EUR 50 as a "convenience fee" before you can send EUR 480.
Careful, that might be attempted fraud there.
I wouldn't worry about any allegations of fraud from a scammer - "unclean hands" is a defense to any civil action and engaging in correspondence in order to acquire more evidence is a valid defense to a criminal prosecution - even when you are not acting at the behest of the state (so long as you never actually benefit from the act) .

I still enjoy a good "walk around the block" with scam artists. If only to divert them from ripping off someone else. Sort of a public service. Anyway, hopefully someone does something about this idiot and makes some sort of an example out of him. sadly, i doubt anything will happen to him. Have fun :). Sell him a Clamslammer 2000 from Priest.
Drink triples til you're seeing double, feeling single, and looking for trouble! -Johnny Nitro, RIP

"British bikes of that era are made of a special alloy known as Brittainium. It is the only metal known to be able to rust even when fully submerged in oil. It also corrodes microscopic passages through itself whenever it makes contact with any known gasketing material." - AZ Rider

Re: Husaberg Build: "I pictured it more like the heroin addicted ex that keeps turning up, the bleeding you dry, breaking your heart, and crushing your soul, but you keep taking her back because it's the most fun ride you've ever had..." Bo-9

User avatar
Sisyphus
Rigging the Ancient Mariner
Location: The Muckworks
Contact:

Post by Sisyphus » Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:34 pm

goose wrote:Sell him a Clamslammer 2000 from Priest.
LOL, what the fuck is that? I'm not even sure I want to know...
Sent from my POS laptop plugged into the wall

SidVicious
Barista of Doom
Location: EM27ii
Contact:

Post by SidVicious » Thu Apr 05, 2012 3:03 pm

Bigshankhank wrote: Or just take the train over there and shit on his lawn in the middle of the night. Its kind of old school I know, think of it as the cafe racer of pranks!
:lol: I like the way you think!
Hell is waking up every goddamn day and not even knowing why you're here -Marv

Nothing beats a hangover like kitten love -guitargeek

Image
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User avatar
xtian
Le coureur de lames chasse Tinti...
Location: belgium
Contact:

Post by xtian » Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:30 pm

I sent him a google streetview picture of his house and

"Can you tell me which house it is ?
Maybe it would be safer and cheaper that I'd just stop bye his house next month and pay the deposit directly in person, I had a ride planned in the area with a triumph riders group. That is if he doesn't mine having 15 or 20 bikes passing in his street."

:mrgreen:
I'm not really from around here.

User avatar
xtian
Le coureur de lames chasse Tinti...
Location: belgium
Contact:

Post by xtian » Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:55 pm

the guy is a real fast thinker

From peter

Its the first house on the right when approaching from the west. I am not sure he will like bikes stopping in front of his house as he is just my agent. And i really want that bike in my house as soon as possible because, it must catch my brother as a surprise and he might be jetting off to the US soon, so is it possible you make earlier maybe in less than 4days time, if not maybe we should go through with the PayPal and the agent can come pick it up himself then we wont have to wait that long.

Thanks
Peter
I'm not really from around here.

Drift
Magnum Jihad

oi

Post by Drift » Fri Apr 06, 2012 12:46 pm

You forgot to ask for "Proof of Douche".
The Lemonade is a LIE!!! - Captain

1999 Kawasaki 1500 Drifter
1993 GSXR 750 RatFighter (in progress)

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:54 am

Write this:

Peter I have the perfect solution: I'll have your mom bring you the bike after I finish giving her more Belgian anal sexual pleasure.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

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