Confessions of the girl with the Service Dog Capitol Hill-DC
Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 4:38 am
I noticed this. It gave me a new perspective on people with service dogs (and with disabilities). I have a relative who uses one and wonder if they have a similar story? I know it's a long story, but it's worth the read.
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/ ... 40486.html
Do you know how much I pray for anonymity every time I walk out of my house? Do you know how many times I chose to not walk out of my house because I know that won't happen? I wasn't always like this, I used to be vibrant, out going, burning the candle at both ends. . .I miss that girl. But now I have a service dog (I swear he knows when I am even thinking about him, he just walked over and put his head in my lap) and everywhere I go I get stared at, talked about, talked down to, made fun of, asked rude questions, yelled at and have even been punched on the metro for it.
Trust me, as much as everyone makes it known they don't want me to have him in certain places, I'd like them to know I wish I didn't have to take him. I want to be "normal" I want to sit on the bus and make eye contact with that cute guy because he's looking at me not staring at my dog. I don't want to feel like a social burden.
Here is a typical day for me if I chose to go out. I walk to the bus stop to wait for the bus. As soon as it is clear to others that I am waiting for the bus someone says out loud "I know she doesn't think she is getting on the bus with that dog." My heart sinks a little. The bus approaches, my anxiety rises will this be a nice bus driver or one that is going to drill me for having the dog. He's wearing his vest, I have his ID card (both things NOT required by federal law but things I chose to provide to try to make things easier). His vest should be a dead give away as to why he's with me but they always ask "Is that a service dog?" We'll give this driver the benefit of doubt and say he lets me on without making a big deal. As soon as I turn to walk down the aisle at least 3 people yell "A fucking dog on the bus" "Why is there a fucking dog on the bus" "She doesn't look sick. why does she have a fucking dog?" But it doesn't stop there, even after I have passed them taken my seat made my dog as inconspicuous as possible it continues. I try to block it out but when "fucking" and "dog" get used together so many times and people just stare at me rudely, then turn to whisper. . .well I shrivel up inside a little.
I get off the bus and enjoy a few minutes of less anxiety as I walk quickly through the crowd ignoring the stares and hearing a lot of people make comments like "she must just be training the dog." Down into the metro I go. I still have my ID cards out because I have yet to try to ride the train without being stopped by "metro PD" and asked why I have a dog. Legally, the only question someone is allowed to ask me is what service my dog provides (he can sense when my heart is going to stop, a neurological condition I developed after an adverse reaction to a vaccine). I don't expect most people to know this but if you are a law enforcement officer I do get a little irritated when they ask why I have him but I don't let it show. I put on a smile and I explain what happened. My commute always takes 30-40 minutes longer because so many people stop me to ask questions and I don't want to give people with a service dog bad names so I try to be as friendly and accommodating as I can. I make it down to the train, I get on, people stare "Someone asks me if I am stupid, because dogs aren't allowed on the train." People give me death stares and walk to the other end of the train. Everyone stares, perhaps not meanly but even friendly stares wear me out. I always pray an end seat is open so I can tuck my dog away. Hundreds of hands reach down and touch my dog, he gets stepped on because no one is aware of their surroundings. I can feel people thinking "If she is sick why is she trying to have a normal life?" or so it seems to me. At least three people ask me why I have him. I explain it over and over again patiently. My mood becomes a little darker.
At last, I make it to work, no one bothers me here. My dog sleeps beneath me, content, my mood eases. Lunch? Out? Not if I can help it in this city of perfect type-A-ers. But I am dragged out by a friend in town, I make it to the restaurant first. The hostess stops me at the door ignoring my dogs bright red vest. "I don't think dogs are allowed in here." "He is a service dog" I reply "Oh'' she says, looking at me very uncertainly. I ask for a table for two. She looks at me and says dead seriously "You mean you and a DOG?" My patience breaks a little. "No, I mean me and the person I am meeting" She leads me to a table, always the worst table in the place, tucked back by the bathrooms or around a corner even if there are other tables open, oh well. I sit down, the ENTIRE kitchen staff comes out to stand by the door and stare at me. No one says anything they just stare. Yay! My dog lays perfectly quiet the whole meal, he's perfect. As we get up my companion even says "Wow, I forgot he was even there." I think to myself "I wish everyone else would."
After work repeat the public transept ordeal in reverse. Most nights I go straight home and don't leave again. I try to do my grocery shopping as infrequently as possible. But if I do go out. . .well lets just say the girl with the service dog isn't top of anyone's "man I need to hit on that" list. Its tough trying to date in this town to begin with its even tougher for a girl with a service dog. First, I have to tackle incompetent bouncers who tell me I can't go in. Then get their managers. . .doesn't everyone know about the ADA? Finally, I get inside and the waitstaff look at me like I am crazy. I find a quite spot and grab a beer, my friends show up, people stare, people talk rudely to me, people talk rudely about how I am treating my dog unethically by having him in a crowded bar. Random drunk strangers stumble over and ask me "Would your dog have to watch if we had sex." My dog tries to lay down quietly like he is told but a hundred people pester him, men, professional men in suits kick him as the walk past to go to the bathroom. People try to pick him up by the handle on his vest. I've been punched several times when I confronted people. Now I just chose to not go out. Don't even get me started on the ridiculous things guys I HAVE dated have ended up saying to me.
Anytime I go to a museum the I am given a hard time because I can't walk through the metal detectors (I have a pacemaker) and I have a dog. When they finally decide I am legit one of them gets on his radio and goes "All units we have a service dog in the building, again I repeat we have a service dog in the building." Seriously is that necessary. I have yet to make it through TSA where the person patting me down (again with the pacemaker) hasn't complained loudly about my dog the entire time and refused to do HIS pat down so we had to wait an extra 15 minutes while they find another screener to pat him down. How about the flight attendant that once told me I had to "stow my dog under the seat in front of me." I told her she could ask him but I didn't think he was gonna go for that. Try getting your nails down or a hair cut or a massage with a dog in tow. Try being the girl in a ball gown at the kennedy center picking up dog poop just before going inside (ok that one's actually got to be pretty comical to see). I recently stopped taking dance lessons I paid for because I was tired of hearing the instructor tell me every class how I didn't need a dance partner because I brought mine on a leash. I am glad you think you are funny buddy but lay off. I was too embarrassed to ask for a refund. I've been yelled at by guys when I showed up for a date with him. I guess they thought I didn't need to bring him on the date?
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my dog and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I already dread the day when he passes away. The cruelest thing about a dog is the fact that they don't live as long as we do. BUT before you tell me how "cool it is to have my dog go everywhere with me" How you "wish you could do that." Before you stare at me without saying anything or say anything without thinking or say something vulgar out loud about my dog. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember I am just trying to be a 26 year old like anyone else. I wish my life hadn't changed like it did. You might think you are just talking about a dog, an object perhaps that doesn't understand you but I DO. You might be talking nicely about us or explaining why I might have him to your children but if you do it loudly where I can hear it and continue to stare you still remind me every second that I am sick, different, not right. I understand your looks, your whispers, your blatant meanness, your curiosity and I TRY to keep a level head about it. Even though 8 times out of 10 I want to break down and cry on the metro. I tell myself I need thicker skin but it never seems to happen. I feel bad complaining about it here even but I just needed to get it off my chest for a minute. I tried to tell a friend all of this once and she said "You should just be happy for what you've got, things could be worse, think about how lucky you are to have him." While I am lucky, just because I am disabled doesn't mean I have to spend every minute impossibly upbeat about how it could always be worse and all things considered I am lucky and blessed and all the kumbaya crap...geesh.
If you see us on the metro again please remember don't be mad, I'd rather he wasn't with me too. If you are so curious you HAVE to stare, start a conversation with me. I am friendly and it makes me feel a million times less awkward.
http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/ ... 40486.html
Do you know how much I pray for anonymity every time I walk out of my house? Do you know how many times I chose to not walk out of my house because I know that won't happen? I wasn't always like this, I used to be vibrant, out going, burning the candle at both ends. . .I miss that girl. But now I have a service dog (I swear he knows when I am even thinking about him, he just walked over and put his head in my lap) and everywhere I go I get stared at, talked about, talked down to, made fun of, asked rude questions, yelled at and have even been punched on the metro for it.
Trust me, as much as everyone makes it known they don't want me to have him in certain places, I'd like them to know I wish I didn't have to take him. I want to be "normal" I want to sit on the bus and make eye contact with that cute guy because he's looking at me not staring at my dog. I don't want to feel like a social burden.
Here is a typical day for me if I chose to go out. I walk to the bus stop to wait for the bus. As soon as it is clear to others that I am waiting for the bus someone says out loud "I know she doesn't think she is getting on the bus with that dog." My heart sinks a little. The bus approaches, my anxiety rises will this be a nice bus driver or one that is going to drill me for having the dog. He's wearing his vest, I have his ID card (both things NOT required by federal law but things I chose to provide to try to make things easier). His vest should be a dead give away as to why he's with me but they always ask "Is that a service dog?" We'll give this driver the benefit of doubt and say he lets me on without making a big deal. As soon as I turn to walk down the aisle at least 3 people yell "A fucking dog on the bus" "Why is there a fucking dog on the bus" "She doesn't look sick. why does she have a fucking dog?" But it doesn't stop there, even after I have passed them taken my seat made my dog as inconspicuous as possible it continues. I try to block it out but when "fucking" and "dog" get used together so many times and people just stare at me rudely, then turn to whisper. . .well I shrivel up inside a little.
I get off the bus and enjoy a few minutes of less anxiety as I walk quickly through the crowd ignoring the stares and hearing a lot of people make comments like "she must just be training the dog." Down into the metro I go. I still have my ID cards out because I have yet to try to ride the train without being stopped by "metro PD" and asked why I have a dog. Legally, the only question someone is allowed to ask me is what service my dog provides (he can sense when my heart is going to stop, a neurological condition I developed after an adverse reaction to a vaccine). I don't expect most people to know this but if you are a law enforcement officer I do get a little irritated when they ask why I have him but I don't let it show. I put on a smile and I explain what happened. My commute always takes 30-40 minutes longer because so many people stop me to ask questions and I don't want to give people with a service dog bad names so I try to be as friendly and accommodating as I can. I make it down to the train, I get on, people stare "Someone asks me if I am stupid, because dogs aren't allowed on the train." People give me death stares and walk to the other end of the train. Everyone stares, perhaps not meanly but even friendly stares wear me out. I always pray an end seat is open so I can tuck my dog away. Hundreds of hands reach down and touch my dog, he gets stepped on because no one is aware of their surroundings. I can feel people thinking "If she is sick why is she trying to have a normal life?" or so it seems to me. At least three people ask me why I have him. I explain it over and over again patiently. My mood becomes a little darker.
At last, I make it to work, no one bothers me here. My dog sleeps beneath me, content, my mood eases. Lunch? Out? Not if I can help it in this city of perfect type-A-ers. But I am dragged out by a friend in town, I make it to the restaurant first. The hostess stops me at the door ignoring my dogs bright red vest. "I don't think dogs are allowed in here." "He is a service dog" I reply "Oh'' she says, looking at me very uncertainly. I ask for a table for two. She looks at me and says dead seriously "You mean you and a DOG?" My patience breaks a little. "No, I mean me and the person I am meeting" She leads me to a table, always the worst table in the place, tucked back by the bathrooms or around a corner even if there are other tables open, oh well. I sit down, the ENTIRE kitchen staff comes out to stand by the door and stare at me. No one says anything they just stare. Yay! My dog lays perfectly quiet the whole meal, he's perfect. As we get up my companion even says "Wow, I forgot he was even there." I think to myself "I wish everyone else would."
After work repeat the public transept ordeal in reverse. Most nights I go straight home and don't leave again. I try to do my grocery shopping as infrequently as possible. But if I do go out. . .well lets just say the girl with the service dog isn't top of anyone's "man I need to hit on that" list. Its tough trying to date in this town to begin with its even tougher for a girl with a service dog. First, I have to tackle incompetent bouncers who tell me I can't go in. Then get their managers. . .doesn't everyone know about the ADA? Finally, I get inside and the waitstaff look at me like I am crazy. I find a quite spot and grab a beer, my friends show up, people stare, people talk rudely to me, people talk rudely about how I am treating my dog unethically by having him in a crowded bar. Random drunk strangers stumble over and ask me "Would your dog have to watch if we had sex." My dog tries to lay down quietly like he is told but a hundred people pester him, men, professional men in suits kick him as the walk past to go to the bathroom. People try to pick him up by the handle on his vest. I've been punched several times when I confronted people. Now I just chose to not go out. Don't even get me started on the ridiculous things guys I HAVE dated have ended up saying to me.
Anytime I go to a museum the I am given a hard time because I can't walk through the metal detectors (I have a pacemaker) and I have a dog. When they finally decide I am legit one of them gets on his radio and goes "All units we have a service dog in the building, again I repeat we have a service dog in the building." Seriously is that necessary. I have yet to make it through TSA where the person patting me down (again with the pacemaker) hasn't complained loudly about my dog the entire time and refused to do HIS pat down so we had to wait an extra 15 minutes while they find another screener to pat him down. How about the flight attendant that once told me I had to "stow my dog under the seat in front of me." I told her she could ask him but I didn't think he was gonna go for that. Try getting your nails down or a hair cut or a massage with a dog in tow. Try being the girl in a ball gown at the kennedy center picking up dog poop just before going inside (ok that one's actually got to be pretty comical to see). I recently stopped taking dance lessons I paid for because I was tired of hearing the instructor tell me every class how I didn't need a dance partner because I brought mine on a leash. I am glad you think you are funny buddy but lay off. I was too embarrassed to ask for a refund. I've been yelled at by guys when I showed up for a date with him. I guess they thought I didn't need to bring him on the date?
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my dog and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I already dread the day when he passes away. The cruelest thing about a dog is the fact that they don't live as long as we do. BUT before you tell me how "cool it is to have my dog go everywhere with me" How you "wish you could do that." Before you stare at me without saying anything or say anything without thinking or say something vulgar out loud about my dog. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember I am just trying to be a 26 year old like anyone else. I wish my life hadn't changed like it did. You might think you are just talking about a dog, an object perhaps that doesn't understand you but I DO. You might be talking nicely about us or explaining why I might have him to your children but if you do it loudly where I can hear it and continue to stare you still remind me every second that I am sick, different, not right. I understand your looks, your whispers, your blatant meanness, your curiosity and I TRY to keep a level head about it. Even though 8 times out of 10 I want to break down and cry on the metro. I tell myself I need thicker skin but it never seems to happen. I feel bad complaining about it here even but I just needed to get it off my chest for a minute. I tried to tell a friend all of this once and she said "You should just be happy for what you've got, things could be worse, think about how lucky you are to have him." While I am lucky, just because I am disabled doesn't mean I have to spend every minute impossibly upbeat about how it could always be worse and all things considered I am lucky and blessed and all the kumbaya crap...geesh.
If you see us on the metro again please remember don't be mad, I'd rather he wasn't with me too. If you are so curious you HAVE to stare, start a conversation with me. I am friendly and it makes me feel a million times less awkward.
