review at work...
Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:57 pm
Every month I get the distinct pleasure of being bent over a desk in a small corner office with no windows and having my 5 worst calls of the month forcefully crammed up my arse by a bitter 30-something who let herself go and hates all men for it until I puke out an Area of Stength (AOS) and Area of Improvement (AOI) to work on until the next month's violation.
I was commiserating over email with a buddy over this issue, and he responded with a pre-filled out email for me to give to my boss. Thought you'd enjoy...
"AOS: Putting up with your shit, and, let's be honest, there's a lot of it. A person of less character and integrity would go Pre-Cambrian on the Lane-Bryan-Burlington-Coat-Factory-discount-rack-wearing lot of you motherfuckers, would put shaved-glass laxatives in your egg-nog-and-despair mochaccinos, and wire your genitals with spark plugs for every time you button-down whores embrace a new business buzzword. But I don't do that. I shovel your horseshit with such fervor and gluttony that, were there an academy award for "Best Drone in a Supporting Role to the Throne of Pure Soullessness" I would be a shoo-in, and all I could do to cap off the perfect night I would have accepting the award is pay a homeless diabetic to piss on your mass-graves, you Hitler Youth taint-shaving fucks. Though to be fair, getting that close to a level of unabstracted perverse evil like yours would likely mangle their poor transient soul, leaving them begging me to put an end to the suffering, and, as much as I like my job, I'm not really up to strangling a hobo right now. Kill yourself. Kill yourself now.
AOI: I hate you."
-Rench
