UTMC

Fuckwit- a sensless slug in a position to cause great mechanical and economic harm. Example- Idiot parts and service employees.

IPO- Idiot previous owner (of your bike). Can also be considered a Fuckwit.

Tim Taylor suite- The ER of your closest hospital.

Backyard butcher- The worst kind of IPO. It's a tossup whether the BYB is more dangerous to themselves or the bikes they mutilate. Follow the bloodtrails to the ER or mangled chopper projects. Hand them a screwdriver and watch the fun!

Basket weaver- A self deluded "restorer". They will take a bike completely apart and put everything neatly in bags (sometimes) and boxes. These boxes will then be stored for a minimum of 5 years. Each year will cause the loss of between 5% and 50% of the parts. Probability of the bike ever running and moving under it's own power is less than 1%

Yard sale- Crashing a bike so thoroughly that the parts ripped off resembles a yard sale. Often includes riding gear.




Please add yours!!!

Squid- A young, irresponsible rider who'se more concerned with stunting than safe riding. Often (almost always) fails to wear any protective gear aside from the coifruire-protecting bandanna.

Assclown- A needlessly annoying fuckwit who endangers either your physical or mental state of health.

Timmayed- To make anything shine to the point of being nearly blinding.

Liquid Ass Fuck: n. The chemical solution used to melt snow from the roads which also manages to destroy brake calipers and otherwise take a brand new bike and make it a rat within two years. Some motorcyclists may actually enjoy this.

POS (piece of shit): A formerly sound and perfectly running bike after fuckwits, IPOs, basket weavers, BYBs and assclowns have applied their dirty deeds to it. Often ending up in a yard sale.
See also - posh scrap metal

Flat black: not just a colour but a state of mind for most UTMCers. Often applied onto bikes in form of powder

Powder: neither drug nor snow

R.I.P.: an abbreviation unfortunately used much too often in the ranks of UTMC lately

Dita: a name of great versatility, to be used for either the lady or a bike

Posh Scrap Metal: a pile of rather expensive bike parts, hopelessly waiting for resurrection as a whole

Badi: a generally clueless foreigner

fucktard- see fuckwit, or anyone driving a vehicle with "Cumins turbo diesel", or "Magnum" in the name.

weekend warrior-the cruise equivalent of a squid

wingnut-someone who rides too fast for their skill level.


Pissing, piddling, or puking-all states of repair of my old suzuki....

As requested:

Slamtoy (n) -- A gorgeous but vapid woman whose sole purpose is to serve as a sexual chew toy; a cock holster; an alternative to masturbation; a sperm repository for the whole neighborhood.

Bandwidth (n) -- 1) a reference to DSL (dick-sucking lips), e.g., Angilina Jolie; 2) a nice juicy piece of ass. Example "I say god damn! She got some tremendous bandwidth!"

Pucker Factor (n) -- The numeric or qualitative rating of the ass-clenching moment where you're dragging your pegs through a tight corner and you're positive that you're going to lowside; (adj) any instance on a motorcycle wherein you're certain of imminent death, thereby causing ones sphincter to clench.

Monkey Butt (n) -- The chafing of one's ass, usually as a result of riding a motorcycle long distances on a hot day. Can be cured with either "Underarmor" or "Anti-Monkey-Butt Powder."

Invisible Salute (n) -- Standing up on the pegs so you can fart more freely while on a motorcycle.

Ballistic Hors d'oeuvres (n) -- The bugs you eat while riding a motorcycle.

Shrinkage (adv) – The extreme tightening of ones scrotum due to extreme cold, typically causing the testicles to hide behind one’s liver. This is quite common on motorcycles, polar-bear swimmers, or those who spend way too much goddamn time out side when they should be next to a fire drinking hot chocolate. Example: “Great rumbling Christ with a copper-colored mohawk! It’s like 5 degrees out there before windchill! I go so much shrinkage down there, my boys ain’t comin’ out until Spring!”

--Jaeger

Chubby (n) -- 1) An anxious willie; a frantic phallus; a blue-steel boner; a fat lil' sausage. 2) Your girlfriend.



--Jaeger

clotpole (n.): a fuckwit who knows it but ignores how annoyed you are ("If that spoon-brained clotpole doesn't stop talking...")

[/b]spoon-brain (n.): an even more clueless clotpole; think Ray Liotta with Anthony Hopkins at the end of Hannibal

composted (adj.): completely fucked up; daisy food ("When I saw you go over that guard rail, I thought, 'Man, you are so composted!'")

boink (v. and n.): to engage in coitus; the sound your ass makes when it hits the pavement ("Boink!")

crotchlock (n.): variant of shrinkage; wrestling takedown

Piece of Dog Fuck - A person or object that you find repulsive, annoying, incompetent, etc.

Surfing in Nebraska - crashing a motorbike because of an incredibly minute factor (badly placed rock, unsure surface, user error) and going nuts over headlight across a long stretch of roadside.

Warlock Antlers - Clubman handlebars (and don't turn em upside down lest you be proclaimed a wanker)

Webelo - fuckwits who have a patch pin and sticker for every ride rally run or rumble they've been to (and often for many they have not). They are also known for creating insane amounts of drama by taking anything and everything too seriously. Prime example: the now defunct iron eagles mc aka tin foil turkeys aka iron webelos.

Caged Dildo- moron car drivers who act like complete idiots because they feel as though they are safe within the confines of a steel box with wheels.

Retards in the Distance - Assclowns in cars that think they can race a motorcycle and refuse to give up no matter how far behind they fall. They will often try to snake through traffic and race you, not understanding that you aren't racing, just trying to get away from them.

Tank Kickers - big armored motorcycle boots that look like regular boots.

Cloud Stompers - the full armored plastic MX boots

Gladiator Boots - Old school MX boots

Giggity Giggity - a random broken bit on the bike that wags like a dog tail when the bike is running. Ex: broken turn signal barely hanging on.

Thread Biscut- a patch for a bike jacket.

Snowmelting aka Sodomy for Satan - Fucking a lovely lady up the arse in the dead of winter to melt the snow off the streets. See http://www.blackletter.org/gallery/pave ... ypave.html

Chingadada aka thingy aka hoopajoob - anything in the garage or bike you can't remember the name of.

Afterbrokit Parts - metal bits put in during surgery.

Paper Plates - temporary tags on on a bike that is unlikely to remain upright. Example: -squid rides by on a new sportbike wearing no gear and going way too fast- "what's the best thing to bring to a BBQ? a paper plate."

SPODE - Local version of Squid used by (but not limited to) the off road crowd. Usually refers to clueless riders (young and old) who have no idea what they are donig. Often can be seen flying over the bars of the latest dirt mover. In any case they will happily explain to you how such an event was entirely not there fault and how they wish (insert big four bike company name here) would fix the problem.

ZOOT-CAPRI - Descriptive term for anything technicaly cool. Originally coined by an old dirt bike magazine or rider, I don't remember, it later became "Trick".

TRICK - Anything technically cool.

Fucktard: someone who is incredibly stupid and/or annoying (see "fucking moron")

Fucking Moron: someone who has an incredibly short attention span and a very low IQ but has somehow convinced someone somewhere that they deserve to engage in a given activity such as: driving a car, working in customer service at a retail establishment, working as a mall security guard, etc.

Fucking Halfwit: same as a "fucking moron" or a "fucktard"; is often used in a string of descriptors such as: "I can't believe that fucking halfwit, fucktard moron was given the keys to a car!"