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shitmydadsays

A forum for the off topic stuff. Everything from religion to philosophy to sex to humor (see why it used to be called Buggery?). All manner of rude psychological abuse is welcome and encouraged.
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User avatar
Groove
El Monstro De La Noche
Location: Northern NY (The most North-ist part)

shitmydadsays

Post by Groove » Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:44 pm

This old guy is Jangleplats!




I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays


#############
"My new spleen came from a guy who liked the motorcycle" - Philip J. Frye

09 KLR (Gonzo)
03 SV650 (Crouchy Von Spine-Mangler)
02 KTM 640 (The Homewrecker)

User avatar
DerGolgo
Zaphod's Zeitgeist
Location: Potato

Post by DerGolgo » Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:51 pm

Oh, yeah, truth.
"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

I said I have a big stick.

User avatar
DerGolgo
Zaphod's Zeitgeist
Location: Potato

Post by DerGolgo » Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:00 pm

Hang on...
"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."
9:56 AM Aug 14th from web
Why, GG, I didn't even know you twittered!

And, 29, yeah, like anyone is going to buy that :P
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

I said I have a big stick.

User avatar
Groove
El Monstro De La Noche
Location: Northern NY (The most North-ist part)

Post by Groove » Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:01 pm

"Don't listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son."
#############
"My new spleen came from a guy who liked the motorcycle" - Philip J. Frye

09 KLR (Gonzo)
03 SV650 (Crouchy Von Spine-Mangler)
02 KTM 640 (The Homewrecker)

User avatar
guitargeek
Master Metric Necromancer
Location: East Goatfuck, Oklahoma
Contact:

Post by guitargeek » Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:16 pm

DerGolgo wrote:Hang on...
"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."
9:56 AM Aug 14th from web
Why, GG, I didn't even know you twittered!

And, 29, yeah, like anyone is going to buy that :P
Sorry, not me.

Here's me: http://twitter.com/guitargeek
Elitist, arrogant, intolerant, self-absorbed.
Midliferider wrote:Wish I could wipe this shit off my shoes but it's everywhere I walk. Dang.
Pattio wrote:Never forget, as you enjoy the high road of tolerance, that it is those of us doing the hard work of intolerance who make it possible for you to shine.
xtian wrote:Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:42 pm

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."

"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"

"A scar ain't 13 god damned stitches. I'll introduce you to men with REAL scars, then we'll all laugh at your fucking 13 stitches together."

"Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."
I love this man.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

xaos
Zaouse!
Location: North Shore of Oahu

Post by xaos » Thu Nov 05, 2009 8:46 pm

i really needed a belly laugh today, thanx. i can only aspire to having 1/10 the wisdom of this guy
Defying human design since 1979

...it's pronounced chaos
http://www.precision.aero/xaos-27.htm

motorpsycho67
Double-dip Diogenes
Location: City of Angels

Post by motorpsycho67 » Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:00 pm

Jangleplatz
'75 Honda CB400F
'82 Kawalski GPz750
etc.

Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
Contact:

Post by Ames » Thu Nov 05, 2009 9:31 pm

Most Jangleplatz indeed. :lol:
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.

User avatar
Jaeger
Baron von Scrapple
Location: NoVA
Contact:

Post by Jaeger » Fri Nov 06, 2009 6:24 am

I aspire to be that cranky old man some day.

Goddamn. New hero.

I'm sending this to MY old man.

--Jaeger
Bigshankhank wrote:The world is a fucking wreck, but there is still sunshine in some places. Go outside and look for it.
<<NON ERRO>>
2018 Indian Scout -- "Lilah"

Rabbit_Fighter
Keeper of the Lava
Location: Seattle (Wedgwood)

Post by Rabbit_Fighter » Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:01 am

Wisdom.

MagnusTheBuilder
Arbiter of Beard
Location: Denver, CO
Contact:

Post by MagnusTheBuilder » Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:02 am

That site is the reason that the internet exists. Spread the knowledge.
-- The Mag

2003 Kawasaki Vulcan 1500 Classic
2017 Chevy Silverado
1970 Chevelle SS
1951 Chevy Custom


"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." --Douglas Adams

sweetpea
Maltov Rattlecan
Location: Richmond
Contact:

Post by sweetpea » Fri Nov 06, 2009 12:54 pm

Another really funny twitter guy is bad banana http://twitter.com/badbanana

"Look at the bright side of this unemployment report. The number of people hating their jobs is at a 26-year low."

"Big Bird turns 40 next week. Just imagine how big his prostate is getting."

"Spending $100M to get elected mayor of NYC is ridiculous when you can buy a death ray and run the entire world."

"By my count, Jim Carrey only has one more iconic Christmas role to ruin. Two, if you include baby Jesus."

"A conference call is like a bus ride. I want it to end as quickly as possible, preferably with nobody talking to me."

"An eighth foot has washed up on the shores of British Columbia. Canadian authorities can't explain it because they use the metric system."
dachshund must be german for 'insane dog'

User avatar
Groove
El Monstro De La Noche
Location: Northern NY (The most North-ist part)

Post by Groove » Fri Nov 06, 2009 2:56 pm

sweetpea wrote:Another really funny twitter guy is bad banana http://twitter.com/badbanana

"Look at the bright side of this unemployment report. The number of people hating their jobs is at a 26-year low."

"Big Bird turns 40 next week. Just imagine how big his prostate is getting."

"Spending $100M to get elected mayor of NYC is ridiculous when you can buy a death ray and run the entire world."

"By my count, Jim Carrey only has one more iconic Christmas role to ruin. Two, if you include baby Jesus."

"A conference call is like a bus ride. I want it to end as quickly as possible, preferably with nobody talking to me."

"An eighth foot has washed up on the shores of British Columbia. Canadian authorities can't explain it because they use the metric system."
Nice.
#############
"My new spleen came from a guy who liked the motorcycle" - Philip J. Frye

09 KLR (Gonzo)
03 SV650 (Crouchy Von Spine-Mangler)
02 KTM 640 (The Homewrecker)

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Mon Nov 09, 2009 9:57 am

Jaeger wrote:I aspire to be that cranky old man some day.

Goddamn. New hero.
+1
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
Contact:

Post by Ames » Tue Nov 10, 2009 6:16 am

I wonder if he'll be played by Peter Boyle?

[quote]Twitter sensation Shit My Dad Says is headed to television.

CBS has picked up a comedy project based on the Twitter account, which has enlisted more than 700,000 followers since launching in August and has made its creator, Justin Halpern, an Internet star.

"Will & Grace" creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are on board to executive produce and supervise the writing for the multicamera family comedy, which Halpern will co-pen with Patrick Schumacker. Halpern and Schumacker will also co-exec produce the Warner Bros. TV-produced project, which has received a script commitment.

The comedy's title will change if it gets on the air.

Halpern, 29, had moved back in with his parents in San Diego, and on Aug. 3 he launched "Shit My Dad Says," a Twitter feed featuring colorful -- often profane -- comments and pearls of wisdom made by his 73-year-old father during their daily conversations.

Some examples:

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you";

"Why the fuck would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi";

"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."

Shit My Dad Says is the second hot Internet property to land at a broadcast network this development season as a potential half-hour series.

Fox is developing a multicamera comedy based on popular Web site TextsFromLastNight, with Sony TV and Happy Madison producing.

Halpern, who sold "Shit My Dad Says" as a book to Harper Collins last month, and Schumacker are repped by ICM and Infinity Management. Kohan and Mutchnick are with Vision Art.
Twitter fave Shit My Dad Says heads to TV
'Will & Grace' team on board to produce family comedy

By Nellie Andreeva


http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/con ... f91bc9ff77
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.

motorpsycho67
Double-dip Diogenes
Location: City of Angels

Post by motorpsycho67 » Tue Nov 10, 2009 6:39 am

Jaeger wrote:I aspire to be that cranky old man some day.

Fuckin ditto!

Some of my friends would say I'm already there. :(
'75 Honda CB400F
'82 Kawalski GPz750
etc.

User avatar
Rock
Superfudge!
Location: East Coast
Contact:

Post by Rock » Tue Nov 10, 2009 6:48 am

What the fuck, he's quoting me....damn kids and their twitter...
Image

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Tue Nov 10, 2009 9:11 am

motorpsycho67 wrote:
Jaeger wrote:I aspire to be that cranky old man some day.
Fuckin ditto!

Some of my friends would say I'm already there. :(
My wife introduces me to friends as "the ass." She gave me a big kiss on the cheek one day telling me she finally figured out why she loves watching the TV show "House" so much: Dr, House is my Doppelgänger; she's reallly starting to understand where I come from.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

MagnusTheBuilder
Arbiter of Beard
Location: Denver, CO
Contact:

Post by MagnusTheBuilder » Tue Nov 10, 2009 9:41 am

Zer0 wrote: My wife introduces me to friends as "the ass."
You can't be THAT much of an ass, you have a wife.
-- The Mag

2003 Kawasaki Vulcan 1500 Classic
2017 Chevy Silverado
1970 Chevelle SS
1951 Chevy Custom


"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." --Douglas Adams

MagnusTheBuilder
Arbiter of Beard
Location: Denver, CO
Contact:

Post by MagnusTheBuilder » Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:05 am

Here is an update... this guy just got his own TV show on CBS.

http://www.thrfeed.com/2009/11/twitters ... -deal.html
-- The Mag

2003 Kawasaki Vulcan 1500 Classic
2017 Chevy Silverado
1970 Chevelle SS
1951 Chevy Custom


"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." --Douglas Adams

Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
Contact:

Post by Ames » Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:17 am

MagnusTheBuilder wrote:Here is an update... this guy just got his own TV show on CBS.

http://www.thrfeed.com/2009/11/twitters ... -deal.html
Look up roughly five entries. Sheesh, I feel so ignored. :lol:
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:24 pm

Ames thinks he matters. :lol: :lol: :lol:
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:25 pm

MagnusTheBuilder wrote:
Zer0 wrote: My wife introduces me to friends as "the ass."
You can't be THAT much of an ass, you have a wife.
So Does Dick Cheney.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

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