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Freakin' out the kids at school.

A forum for the off topic stuff. Everything from religion to philosophy to sex to humor (see why it used to be called Buggery?). All manner of rude psychological abuse is welcome and encouraged.
WeAintFoundShit
Ayatollah of Mayhem
Location: Davis

Freakin' out the kids at school.

Post by WeAintFoundShit » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:31 pm

So my physics class has about 200 people in it, and once a week we break out into smaller groups for "discussion sessions." This is a class of about 20-30 odd people.

Discussion has been moving a little bit ahead of lecture with the material we've been covering, so today, the T.A. said "Fuck it. Let's skip the problem. You want to learn about anything else?"
He then rattled off a list of things that other classes had chosen, none of which actually included anything about physics. The guy was actually kind of a little surprised when we told him that was precisely what we wanted to hear about.
He asked what sort of thing we'd want to know, and I said "Pick your favorite. Like, for me, I've got a huge hard on for time dilation, so tell us whatever you're into."

Apparently none of the kids have ever heard the term "I've got a huge hard on for..." in a class room setting before.

I've decided that, being the oldest person in the room, including the T.A., I am now going to start taking some liberties with what I'm gonna say out loud to freak out the youngins.
:mrgreen:

Anyone got any fun sayings I could bust out with?
Heh heh heh.


"The grip on the right is the fun regulator." -Donny Greene

I crash a lot.

Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
Contact:

Post by Ames » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:37 pm

Do they have to relate to physics?
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.

WeAintFoundShit
Ayatollah of Mayhem
Location: Davis

Post by WeAintFoundShit » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:38 pm

Nope. Just something I could use in general conversation with a teacher who is a few years younger than I am that will shock the rest of the little buggers without being TOO over the top.
"The grip on the right is the fun regulator." -Donny Greene

I crash a lot.

Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
Contact:

Post by Ames » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:41 pm

So, "panties in a bunch/knickers in a twist" kind of verbiage?
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.

WeAintFoundShit
Ayatollah of Mayhem
Location: Davis

Post by WeAintFoundShit » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:47 pm

Maybe slightly more graphic than that, but yeah.
"The grip on the right is the fun regulator." -Donny Greene

I crash a lot.

Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
Contact:

Post by Ames » Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:53 pm

"You know what really makes me rope a load..."?
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.

motorpsycho67
Double-dip Diogenes
Location: City of Angels

Post by motorpsycho67 » Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:00 pm

"You know what really puts my balls in a vise?" And say it as if it were a good thing.

"Hey, whatever pumps your nads"
'75 Honda CB400F
'82 Kawalski GPz750
etc.

Toonce(s)
Asshat Spambot
Location: south of cheese

Post by Toonce(s) » Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:02 pm

"You passed this test by the sweat of your balls"


(Actually heard at Air Force Tech School)
It's a stack of fuck-shit on top of itself, Ninja.

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guitargeek
Master Metric Necromancer
Location: East Goatfuck, Oklahoma
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Post by guitargeek » Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:47 pm

My father is a treasure trove of colorful aphorisms. He taught me things like...

If at first you don't succeed, suck and suck 'til you do suck seed.

Boy, you'd fuck up a wet dream.

Well suck my nose, both barrels at once!

Well suck me silly!

Well fuck a monkey!

Well if that don't just kill corn about ass high...

Well shit twice and fall back in it!

That's just slicker than cum on a gold tooth.

Hand me that dog dick.
Referring to the shift linkage for a '74 Dodge Dart.

Hey! I ain't fuckin' you. :x
After a co-worker bummed one cigarette too many.
Elitist, arrogant, intolerant, self-absorbed.
Midliferider wrote:Wish I could wipe this shit off my shoes but it's everywhere I walk. Dang.
Pattio wrote:Never forget, as you enjoy the high road of tolerance, that it is those of us doing the hard work of intolerance who make it possible for you to shine.
xtian wrote:Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken

SomeMook
Ayatollah of Mayhem
Location: Stephens City, VA

Post by SomeMook » Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:00 pm

Well, I've got are some exclamations like "Sweet Tits of Mary!" and "Sweet Cock of Moses!"

Or you could say "That tickles my prostate."
All the unhappiness in the world is caused by self-delusion. -E.H.

UndertheGun
Barista of Doom
Location: Seattle/Olympia
Contact:

Post by UndertheGun » Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:25 am

I can't think of anything catch-phrasey but what about vaguely referencing your former life as a male prostitute (or what have you).

motorpsycho67
Double-dip Diogenes
Location: City of Angels

Post by motorpsycho67 » Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:01 am

guitargeek wrote: Well if that don't just kill corn about ass high...

Well shit twice and fall back in it!


:lol: :lol:



Another one I used to use, not necessarily dirty....

'Well that's slicker than cat spit on a waxed marble floor!'

Oh, and

'Well tie me to an ant hill and smear my ears with jelly!'

Those might raise an eyebrow. :lol:
'75 Honda CB400F
'82 Kawalski GPz750
etc.

ninemileskid
Magnum Jihad

Post by ninemileskid » Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:09 am

I've got the opposite problem, I try not to say shit like that but it comes out anyway.

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Jaeger
Baron von Scrapple
Location: NoVA
Contact:

Post by Jaeger » Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:23 am

"Fat flatulent Christ in a lime-green leisure suit!" (exclamation)

"Shit in a shoe!" (exclamation)

"That is dumber than frozen dogshit."

"What in the name of god's left nut is that?"

"Slicker than greased owl shit."

"Hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire."

"Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra." (Now now, Pagan ladies, don't get your knickers all in a twist.)

... I'll think of more later.


--Jaeger
Bigshankhank wrote:The world is a fucking wreck, but there is still sunshine in some places. Go outside and look for it.
<<NON ERRO>>
2018 Indian Scout -- "Lilah"

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sun rat
Dominatrix of Skulduggery
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Post by sun rat » Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:13 am

me just saying "fuck" out loud makes these young people act shocked.
i've been here since spring and i still don't get it.
fuck it all.

Toonce(s)
Asshat Spambot
Location: south of cheese

Post by Toonce(s) » Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:17 am

Jaeger wrote:
"Fat flatulent Christ in a lime-green leisure suit!" (exclamation)
"Shit in a shoe!" (exclamation)
--Jaeger
"Great Odin's Raven!" (exclamation)
It's a stack of fuck-shit on top of itself, Ninja.

dozer
Hammer Time
Location: umbc
Contact:

Post by dozer » Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:38 am

"duller than a cats ass" makes me lolz, I have no idea why

I also like to mutter things in foreign languages, makes 'em look at you funky. Also, may get you a date. :D
"All you lazy bastards, you don't build no castles!"
-Jim Bishop.
Sisyphus wrote: If, on the other hand, a full-on revolution starts within one year, you will provide me your mailing address and I will send you the balsa wood box for you to eat. Provided I haven't already eaten it. In which case I will send you an object of equal or lesser value that hasn't been eaten, provided it is as edible as balsa and is of nearly equvalent volume (empty).

erosvamp
Sophisticated Meat Machine
Location: denver

Post by erosvamp » Tue Nov 17, 2009 9:39 am

ninemileskid wrote:I've got the opposite problem, I try not to say shit like that but it comes out anyway.

yeah, i have that problem too.
"If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less." -General Eric Shinseki

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DerGolgo
Zaphod's Zeitgeist
Location: Potato

Post by DerGolgo » Tue Nov 17, 2009 9:45 am

sun rat wrote:me just saying "fuck" out loud makes these young people act shocked.
i've been here since spring and i still don't get it.
Kids these days, apparently spend more time indoors and at home than previous generations, watching "television", playing "video games" and the like. Stuff with FCC approval.
So once the novelty of dirty words has worn off at 14, they are totally ignorant to the ways of the world.

Fucking ingrate whippersnappers.
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

I said I have a big stick.

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Hank
El Asbestos Pajamas
Location: Washington

Post by Hank » Tue Nov 17, 2009 11:02 am

I like to add, "beggers and whores" to most conversations.

Such as:

First you forget to add extra cheese to my pizza then the begger and the whores move in.

What, no military discount? What's next beggers and whores?

No prayer in puplic schools? What about the beggers and whores?

Have fun with it.
Hank

Lover, Fighter, Super Hero, Master of Acient Craft Freemasonry

3rd Degree Master Mason
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Whiskeywrist
Barista of Doom
Location: Seattle, WA
Contact:

Post by Whiskeywrist » Tue Nov 17, 2009 11:18 am

One of my favorites I got from a tranny buddy of mine years ago, and expanded on it:

"Well! Ain't that a dry fuck in the ass, first thing in the morning, with no kiss on the cheek, or breakfast afterward!"

it can be truncated at any convenient comma, too- for brevity.
================================
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Sisyphus
Rigging the Ancient Mariner
Location: The Muckworks
Contact:

Post by Sisyphus » Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:50 pm

Heh. I have a couple. First, I have to hand it to my younger brother who came out one day with, "Louder than two skeletons fucking on a tin roof in a hailstorm."

The following I picked up from my years at sea:

Blowing like a whore with a fistful of twenties.

Blowing hard enough to blow the cunt off a cow.

Like old people fuck: slow and sloppy.

Any slower and you'd be going backwards.

Colder than a welldigger's ass.

Colder than a nun's kiss.




That's all I can think of at the moment. Good luck.
Sent from my POS laptop plugged into the wall

Toonce(s)
Asshat Spambot
Location: south of cheese

Post by Toonce(s) » Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:02 pm

This one isn't dirty (unless you have some kind of weird fetish about moist rodents) but I got it from a navy man and it is dear to me:

"Sharp as a sack of wet mice"
It's a stack of fuck-shit on top of itself, Ninja.

piccini9
Everybody dies. It's a love story.

Post by piccini9 » Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:03 pm

JANGLEPLATZ!

Toonce(s)
Asshat Spambot
Location: south of cheese

Post by Toonce(s) » Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:04 pm

OH OH OH Lest I forget, only ever heard this once in my life:

"Graceful as a drowned elephant"
It's a stack of fuck-shit on top of itself, Ninja.

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Jaeger
Baron von Scrapple
Location: NoVA
Contact:

Post by Jaeger » Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:47 am

"you have the IQ of a styrofoam peanut."

--Jaeger
Bigshankhank wrote:The world is a fucking wreck, but there is still sunshine in some places. Go outside and look for it.
<<NON ERRO>>
2018 Indian Scout -- "Lilah"

Rabbit_Fighter
Keeper of the Lava
Location: Seattle (Wedgwood)

Post by Rabbit_Fighter » Wed Nov 18, 2009 7:15 am

One expression that weirded me out when I was 15, working at my dad's gas station, was when an older guy said that his car "runs like a raped ape." I couldn't help but imagine a very angry gorilla with a sore orifice running on a wild rampage.

Korpen
Super Sexy Skyscraper
Location: Madison

Post by Korpen » Wed Nov 18, 2009 7:28 am

dozerone wrote:I also like to mutter things in foreign languages, makes 'em look at you funky. Also, may get you a date. :D
I mutter things in foreign languages all the time, but I only get the funky looks. Not that latter date part.
Ollaan hiljaa, saadaan kaloja. - Finnish proverb
RIP Craig Houston - forever in my heart
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mtne
Holy DAG Master
Location: Denver at the moment.......

Post by mtne » Wed Nov 18, 2009 7:41 am

"By the four balls of Jesus, Mary and Joseph" exclamatory

"Be a Lady would ya" Said when getting needing to get help from someone lining something up to go in a hole or space of some sort....... :mrgreen:
How can it be fun if there's not at least an outside chance of dying?
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SidVicious
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Post by SidVicious » Wed Nov 18, 2009 2:14 pm

"Jesus tits!" is always good for a laugh and strange looks.

i'll try to think of others.
Hell is waking up every goddamn day and not even knowing why you're here -Marv

Nothing beats a hangover like kitten love -guitargeek

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