Cool as Ice challenge

Whiskeywrist · Post by **Whiskeywrist** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 3:03 pm

The pain. The sheer staggeringly awful reality of this film has to be witnessed to be truly appreciated.

JennaXide and I finally took the plunge last night, via Netflix on demand, and endured about 15 minutes before ending the suffering.

The basic idea driving our masochism was that a feature length movie about Vanilla Ice as a "cool" protagonist on a motorcycle, sounded at least hilarious, and maybe have some fun 90's bike stuff in it, right?

God, it was awful.

Brave souls, I challenge you to finish this film. I can't claim even the most meager accomplishment in this regard, but there may be one among you.

If it doesn't inspire at least a few of you to jump your bike over a barbed wire fence to freak out a horse and impress a lady I'll be disappointed (cough*Jerseymike*cough*dozer*)

Drop the zero, get with a hero!

rolly · Post by **rolly** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 3:32 pm

It's like that, is it? I accept your challenge, sir. Good day!

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 5:19 pm

Can't be as good as Biker Boyz. But yeah, I tried the same experiment with similar results back in college (VHS RULES!) and I was even stoned, but even some bud didn't make it bearable.

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Sat Aug 28, 2010 6:12 pm

I tried watching "Where the Wild Things Are" last night couldn't do it.
Is "Cool as Ice" the one where he wears that TOTALLY JANGLEPLATZ clown leather, and matching clown pants?

Whiskeywrist · Post by **Whiskeywrist** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 8:36 am

He looks like a clusterfuck of Kid-n-Play, Janet Jackson's rhythm nation, and MC Hammer.

My eyes still hurt.

Ames · Post by **Ames** » Sun Aug 29, 2010 8:50 am

I was going to link the trailer, but even that's an affront to humanity.

I did, however, find this:

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AbAUi7savsk?fs ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/AbAUi7savsk?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

Odd, he didn't apologize for the movie. Dick.

Zim · Post by **Zim** » Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:39 am

I... ow! MY EYES! THEY BURN!

I watched it. Where's my certificate of achievement?

Didn't seem that bad. There were some weird scenes, and Mr. Van Winkle's moves were odd. I almost feel for the guy. Although his shtick was partially self-contrived (with the record labels also at the wheel), there are parts of the movie where V. Ice, when not striking a pose or saying 'sup wit dat' stuff, looks like a kid just trying to have fun.

Never did get on the Vanilla Ice Bash Wagon, though I can see that his style, yo, ain't my cup of tea. I was too busy in 1990 driving around in my Ford Escort GT, with the back seats out, replaced with two 15" subs, blasting "U Can't Touch This".

I am slightly bothered by his apologies for his previous life. Many people did find him entertaining, but he seems to be a slave to what other people want. 'They need a new rap artist? Yo, I'm down with that. Yep yep. Wait, now it's popular to bash me? Yo, er, Yes, I understand that. I sucked. Boo the past me.' If it wasn't for Vanilla Ice, no one would know Robert Van Winkle now.

And I'm o-u-t out. Yo yo. Forget that peace stuff, 'cuz I ain't wit it.

tumbler · Post by **tumbler** » Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:08 am

i've seen it.. The best part is the beginning. When he jumps his sport bike over the fence to get the girl on the horse.. classic.

bndgkmf · Post by **bndgkmf** » Mon Aug 30, 2010 5:31 pm

"Lose that zero and get with the hero."
Robert van Winkle

Seen it already. I celebrate the man's entire catalog.

This may be satire.

DarkMistress · Post by **DarkMistress** » Tue Aug 31, 2010 6:41 pm

piccini9 wrote: Is "Cool as Ice" the one where he wears that TOTALLY JANGLEPLATZ clown leather, and matching clown pants?

You got it, that's the movie.

I freakin' love this movie, mainly because it is so awful, in the same way I love "Troll 2" (the best worst movie evah - "You don't piss on hospitality, I won't allow it!"). I just can't resist the striped bike, the neon rims, and a cheesy leather jacket that has "sex me up" on it. It's hilarious that he gets her thrown from a horse and then has the balls to knock on her door and be all "Yo, Pops, is Kat around? And tell her to wear the shortest dress she has for some squid riding."

To save yourself from the whole movie, this review alone is a hoot:

http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/coolasice/

"Torque" is also not to be missed, also lame, but for different reasons. I wonder if there are enough movies out there to make a "Shitty Biker Movies" thread.

I had "U Can't Touch This" too. On a cassette.

roadmissile · Post by **roadmissile** » Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:51 am

DarkMistress wrote:"Torque" is also not to be missed, also lame, but for different reasons. I wonder if there are enough movies out there to make a "Shitty Biker Movies" thread.

I don't care what anyone says, Torque is self aware enough to be genuinely funny to people like us (recognizing it was still pretty bad).

I completed the Cool as Ice Challenge this morning and can happily and without remorse comment that it was actually better than Biker Boyz.

I'm pretty sure this is the shitty biker movies thread, but really, can anyone name some good biker movies (On Any Sunday, of course, but besides the obvious)? I suppose it depends how critical you're feeling, I actually sort of enjoyed Hell Ride... But I think as a genre we're almost doing worse than video game films.

/RM

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Cool as Ice challenge

Cool as Ice challenge