The filthy baker strikes again!

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:08 pm

Today is our (wife and I) 7th anniversary. We didn't have any plans, being a Tuesday and all, but I figured I would come home to one of Mrs. Bastards infamous cakes or something nonetheless.

Instead, she decided to bake cookies for a company Thanksgiving function tomorrow at her office.

Naturally, she couldn't just bake regular cookies...

<a href="http://s37.photobucket.com/albums/e95/y ... 003-10.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e95/y ... 003-10.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Turkeys, wieners, turkeys with wieners, and just straight up vulgarity.

This, of course, is the best anniversary gift she could have given me: A reminder of just why I married her in the first place.

Rench · Post by **Rench** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:36 pm

Every year in the Chicago suburbs (you amy remember this one), and I assume elsewhere around the country, they hold a Turkey Testical Festival on Black Friday. I think she' made the perfect desert for it with that fellow in the middle.

-Rench

ejworthen · Post by **ejworthen** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:31 pm

That shit is funny.

guitargeek · Post by **guitargeek** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:40 pm

I need a gal just like her...

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:49 pm

I just spit beer out all over the place, thanks.

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:55 pm

Sisyphus wrote:I just spit beer out all over the place, thanks.

I think the funniest part is the progessive disinterest in the cookies -

First it's festive little holiday turkeys, but then they got boring and turned into little turkeys with turkey boners. Then that got boring and it was just plain boners. When that got still more boring, she just resorted to random obscenities.

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 6:19 pm

UglyBastard wrote:she just resorted to random obscenities.

Billy Joel wrote:she's always a woman, to me

Good job finding and keeping that one, happy anniversary.

motorpsycho67 · Post by **motorpsycho67** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 7:12 pm

Happy Anniversary to the both of ya.

I can just hear the chatter at the office.....

"Those cunt flap cookies are delish, you must give me the recipe"

"Is that a turkey boner?"

Groove · Post by **Groove** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:10 pm

Cunt Flap!

LOLOLOLOL

Uncle Billy · Post by **Uncle Billy** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:32 pm

GrooveMonkey wrote:Cunt Flap!

LOLOLOLOL

++745

thrasherbill · Post by **thrasherbill** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 11:14 pm

yakimasy wrote:
GrooveMonkey wrote:Cunt Flap!

LOLOLOLOL
++745

+1

I've said it before, you are a lucky ugly bastard.

WeAintFoundShit · Post by **WeAintFoundShit** » Tue Nov 18, 2008 11:16 pm

You, good sir, are the luckiest man alive.

Photo · Post by **Photo** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 12:43 am

Hilarious baking! There has to be a "pulling the wish bone" joke for your turkey cookies out there, but I can't think of it.

I'd love to see what your creative wife can do with a bunch of icing and some doughnuts...

Whatever scratches that seven-year itch!

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:17 am

Photo wrote:Hilarious baking! There has to be a "pulling the wish bone" joke for your turkey cookies out there, but I can't think of it.

I'd love to see what your creative wife can do with a bunch of icing and some doughnuts... Whatever scratches that seven-year itch!

I am 100% sure that the donuts would be some sort of lewd bodily orifice motif.

Metalredneck · Post by **Metalredneck** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:16 am

Labia always make a nice treat.

MoraleHazard · Post by **MoraleHazard** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:20 am

Happy anniversary!!

Moto_Myotis · Post by **Moto_Myotis** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:12 pm

Happy Anniversary. You're lucky to have a partner with such a base sense of humor. As a cook, I want to try to emulate her amazing craft of obscene and juvenile baked goods.

Priest · Post by **Priest** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:37 pm

Moto_Myotis wrote:Happy Anniversary. You're lucky to have a partner with such a base sense of humor. As a cook, I want to try to emulate her amazing craft of obscene and juvenile baked goods.

I'll assume that's not an insult in any way.

maniacles · Post by **maniacles** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:39 pm

I can't wait to see the XXXmas cookies!

Elves and reindeer and Santa! Oh My!

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:34 pm

Happy Flappy!

ghost · Post by **ghost** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:49 pm

Happy anniversary.

Bad news, though... "CUNT FLAP" just reminded me of something...

deaconblooz · Post by **deaconblooz** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:46 pm

Between this post and the one about the 8 letter obscenities I have been laughing out loud for 10 minutes.

Thanks

deaconblooz · Post by **deaconblooz** » Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:47 pm

Between this post and the one about the 8 letter obscenities I have been laughing out loud for 10 minutes.

Thanks

Post by **Beemer Dan** » Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:32 pm

Yeah, can I get three chocolate chip, four with sprinkles, a half dozen snickerdoodles and a cunt flap please?

She needs to open a bakery!

WeAintFoundShit · Post by **WeAintFoundShit** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 1:59 am

Yes, I am bringing this thread back from the freaking dead.
Why do I do this?
Because I've had the saying "Cunt Flap" stuck in my head ever since.
I wrote it on a paper heart when my roommates and I decorated our house for an "anti-valentines" party. It was decidedly the most vulgar one of the lot, and my roommate has decided that it now belongs as a permanent fixture on my bedroom door.
I've decided that, when I return to work for Burning Man again this summer, "Cunt Flap" will be the new "hip" saying. One of the work season's quotable quotes.
It will spread -neigh, metastasize throughout the culture, and seep back into the real world.
Just you wait.

*Whispers*
Cunt flap
cuuuuunnnnt ffflllaaaapppp

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:33 am

Not knowing much about burning man, is there any way we can help you in your quest to bring "cunt flap" to it's proper place of "dis"-respect in the lexicon?
A web-site or some thing we can post whore our way into?

Photo · Post by **Photo** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:40 am

If it's possible, try to spread the word "Twatwaffle" around Burning man as well. I forget which one of you East coasters (Beemer Dan or Jaeger, I think) first posted it here, but that has been my newest, most favorite, vulgar adjective and noun. It has completely replaced "douche nozzle" in my daily plaver. It's a good word. It's worth spreading around - with or without syrup.

Jaeger · Post by **Jaeger** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:48 am

T'wasn't me. That's all Dan.

--Jaeger

GOSTAZ · Post by **GOSTAZ** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:55 am

Yes, the filthy baker in all her goodness has added a truly wonderful term to the UTMC Lexicon.

I have to admit twatwaffle has become a go to for me, as well as douchenozzle, fucktard, and the expression "if so and so had half a dick they would ______." This expression was given to me one night, I believe at Mr. Rocks sendoff... As I was fairly inebriated at the time of it's introduction, I know not with whom to credit.

Keep up the good work both verbally and culinarily...

Rench · Post by **Rench** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:59 am

It will spread -neigh, metastasize

Yeah, yeah I think that pretty much sums it up. Might be an overarching theme for the UTMC as a whole, but definately works for this.

Thanks for dragging up the thread. Mrs. Priest is the cat's ass.

-Rench

PS: I really don't know what that means either, but a guy at work referred to radiant heat flooring rather enthusiastically with that expression, and it's just kind of stuck...

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The filthy baker strikes again!

The filthy baker strikes again!