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I'm really fucking pissed--my wife's friend just got beat up

A forum for the off topic stuff. Everything from religion to philosophy to sex to humor (see why it used to be called Buggery?). All manner of rude psychological abuse is welcome and encouraged.
Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:16 pm

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Now she wants to talk to the prosecutor to get him out. She wants to get him out so he can have another chance. She called his lawyer to see if she should file a restraining, and she was told no, of course. Now she's not doing it.

FUCK!

I'm dumbfuckingfounded right now.

Numb.

I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry

Gotta lanesplit
Gotta be cool

I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry
I will not ride home angry

But when I get home, I will drink untill I stop shaking my head in absofuckinglutely confusing dismay


'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

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DerGolgo
Zaphod's Zeitgeist
Location: Potato

Post by DerGolgo » Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:21 pm

I'd say she might need an intervention. Backed up by counseling.
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

I said I have a big stick.

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:34 pm

She won't fucking take it.

His parents friends set him up with an attorney. M is doing everything he says. He just told her that if she wants him out, she needs to be back home so she shows she's not afraid.

She's heading home now.

My wife has told her everything--she's sending him a message: "It's OK you hit me." And I told her to tell her next time he lloses it, he just might go all the way. "Oh no he wouldn't" M said. Right, like how you said he wouldn't hit you.

Like goose said, we're holding the stick into the water, and that's all we can do. She's swimming away trying to save him. My wife's on the verge of tears. I'm so sad for my wife and M and her boys.

Too depressing this human condition is too much of the time. I'm so proud of my wife, thopugh. I need to calm her down tonight.

I will have a talk with him one of these days--man to bitch.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

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Sisyphus
Rigging the Ancient Mariner
Location: The Muckworks
Contact:

Post by Sisyphus » Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:17 pm

Once in my brief stint as a college student I was walking home from the bar and happened upon a guy beating his girlfriend. Of course, me and another guy intervened. What happened next? She pulled a knife and told us to leave him alone. That's what happened.

Eventually she'll be dead or worse, and her kids will learn the same behavior. That's how it goes.

Strange things happen to people.
Sent from my POS laptop plugged into the wall

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Wed Jul 01, 2009 2:46 pm

Something of the same happened to me during the Iran Contra fuckup. He was beating her. I stepped in. He had a bat, which I didn't see, grazed my head. She took off with him. maybe it was the same one with you, Sisyphus.

I remember it was during ther contra affair because I was laying down on a bench inside a pizzaria trying to clear my head and watching Opie Ollie North facing the grand jury.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

Moto_Myotis
Barista of Doom
Location: Alameda, CA
Contact:

Post by Moto_Myotis » Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:40 pm

I think that one of the best things you can do is tell her how you feel while also providing her with the information she needs to get out of her situation. Battered Women's Syndrome is a big deal, and if your wife's friend has low self esteem or can't imagine a life without this waste of a man, then it's important not to put her into a situation where she feels like he's being unfairly maligned or where she feels stupid, both of which are sure to facilitate her running back into his arms.

I can't believe this asshole is saying that she should go home to show she's not afraid. What a lame power trip. Of course, that's great psychology and it implies that there must be something wrong/insufficient with her if she wants to stay away from him.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! ANGRY! :x

goose
Pâté de Foie Gras
Location: Foggy Peninsula West of Oakland and South of Marin

Post by goose » Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:30 pm

Call these people. I did an internship with them during law school. They can help you help her. She's not in control:

http://www.ncadv.org/
Drink triples til you're seeing double, feeling single, and looking for trouble! -Johnny Nitro, RIP

"British bikes of that era are made of a special alloy known as Brittainium. It is the only metal known to be able to rust even when fully submerged in oil. It also corrodes microscopic passages through itself whenever it makes contact with any known gasketing material." - AZ Rider

Re: Husaberg Build: "I pictured it more like the heroin addicted ex that keeps turning up, the bleeding you dry, breaking your heart, and crushing your soul, but you keep taking her back because it's the most fun ride you've ever had..." Bo-9

ghost
High Kommand
Location: somewhere between here and there

Post by ghost » Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:07 pm

Chill out. Have a beer. This just got messy.

There are a lot of psychological and social pressures on M right now that are no doubt contributing to her dysfunctional approach to this. Many of them probably have to do with cultural norms about relationship roles that I (for one) will never understand, so I can't even begin to suggest anything there. Other pressures may stem from confusion regarding M's immigration status, which lead to Very Real questions that should be asked of Very Real immigration lawyers.

Until M is willing to remove this manipulative douchebag from her life, you can beat your head against the wall as much as you like, but it will do no good. She's obviously attached to him, and likely to the point that expressing your concerns overtly will only serve to distance you from her and drive her closer to him. Intimidating him might work, or it might just convince him that she needs to shut her mouth, and that he's just the right person to inform her of that.

You're obviously frustrated, and your wife is obviously torn up. You need to divest yourselves emotionally from this woman's situation, because until she's in a better place psychologically, she's not going to make any better choices. You'll be of more help to M if you and the wife are both stable and clear-headed than if you're wrapped up in anger, frustration, and confusion about the whole thing. Until she regains control of her situation, there's very little you can do directly, and no amount of concern for her will outweigh the decisions she's making. Call Goose's people and point M toward whatever facet of social services might cover such things in that part of the country, and help her actually take those first steps as best you can, but it's very much up to her to turn that corner.

Once someone professional and not-previously-interested (hopefully) helps her unfuck her head, she'll need a lot of help unfucking her life too, so be ready to help her out with that. Fortunately, at that point, those wonderful options of restraining orders and criminal charges open up again. That's the time to reinvest yourself emotionally.

In the mean time, keep a few beers in the fridge. You'll need them.
Loud pipes impede cell phone conversations.

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sun rat
Dominatrix of Skulduggery
Location: bfe
Contact:

Post by sun rat » Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:42 pm

my money is on him having previously told her he would hurt the kids if she left him.

just random comments like "i can understand why that happened" while watching news about yet another parent killing his/her own kids to get back at the ex s/o can just leave an undercurrent of fear to every possible course of action. except to make the abuser happy. make the abuser happy at all costs.


i say make him happy with a hammer to the head in a back alley.
fuck it all.

User avatar
Bo_9
Ayatollah of Mayhem
Location: Filthy little worn-out, broken down, see through soul.

Post by Bo_9 » Wed Jul 01, 2009 6:54 pm

OMG!
I have seen co-dependancy but that is nuts!
She need the afore mentioned intervention badly.
Things usually never get better for long after social services stops watching.
When an old man dies a library burns...

"Every accident involving machinery begins with a single defect. Never forget that defect can be between your ears." - E.J. Potter
"I feel like I'm in "my little pony" HELL!!!!" -Goose
"Well, he never ever smiled, but he always seemed pleased."
"keep about your wits, Know yourself and who you came in with"

motorpsycho67
Double-dip Diogenes
Location: City of Angels

Post by motorpsycho67 » Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:54 pm

GOSTAZ wrote:Wifebeaters don't get the bat... they get the hammer to the dominant hand.

I agree. 40oz. ball peen to the dominant hand..... repeat as necessary.


As for her, she needs to understand her life may very well be in danger.
'75 Honda CB400F
'82 Kawalski GPz750
etc.

Guder
MeatShipGuder
Location: South Carolina
Contact:

Post by Guder » Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:12 pm

I didn't read the whole thread, didn't really need to.

It's the norm, not the exception.

If you do get them apart, they'll get back together. By mutual choice.

Do what you feel you gotta to keep your karma clean, but don't take it personally or look for the "mysterious hold" he has over her. He's really unlikely to be that smart. It's a very natural relationship, and it's a lot more common in your neighborhood than you could imagine, same as tinfoil plates over the outlets and people who think flouride in the water is for mind control.

If she's a friend, or just appears to be a decent human being, she's worth the effort on the outside chance, especially with kids involved. However, the shock and outrage being expressed is barking at the moon. Don't eat yourself up about it, you're only setting up for personal heartbreak.

Signed, former LEO who couldn't stand the Stoopid.
Yes I believe but I'd rather not pray.
What I believe in I'd rather not say...
Cherry Poppin' Daddies

motorpsycho67
Double-dip Diogenes
Location: City of Angels

Post by motorpsycho67 » Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:31 pm

Three things...

1. She's not the sharpest tool in the shed

2. She obviously loves him a lot more than she loves herself or her children

3. I obviously like ellipses.
'75 Honda CB400F
'82 Kawalski GPz750
etc.

Metalredneck
Largely Uncontroversial

Post by Metalredneck » Thu Jul 02, 2009 5:07 am

You can't save people from themselves.
Done.

urbanscum
Magnum Jihad
Location: Fair Albion
Contact:

Post by urbanscum » Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:39 am

Guder wrote:I didn't read the whole thread, didn't really need to.

It's the norm, not the exception.

If you do get them apart, they'll get back together. By mutual choice.

Do what you feel you gotta to keep your karma clean, but don't take it personally or look for the "mysterious hold" he has over her. He's really unlikely to be that smart. It's a very natural relationship, and it's a lot more common in your neighborhood than you could imagine, same as tinfoil plates over the outlets and people who think flouride in the water is for mind control.

If she's a friend, or just appears to be a decent human being, she's worth the effort on the outside chance, especially with kids involved. However, the shock and outrage being expressed is barking at the moon. Don't eat yourself up about it, you're only setting up for personal heartbreak.

Signed, former LEO who couldn't stand the Stoopid.
+1 on this.

Look after you and yours first.
Do whatever you can, but don't let the emotions overcome you.

My tuppenny's worth.
'Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.'

Bandit 1200 shiny shiny.
Yamahaha Thunderscrap - rough and ready
MonsterMoto Pit Bike (for the kids - honest)
for now...

deaconblooz
Magnum Jihad
Location: Chicago - suburban

Post by deaconblooz » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:31 pm

Anybody want to hear about the fine, clear Sunday morning in 1979 when my estranged stepfather shot his way into the house and tried to murder me and my mother?
Well...yes. At long last.
Two TV sets and two Cadillac cars, y'know they ain't gonna help me at all.

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:42 am

OK, been offline till today. We are staying involved because he will take it out on her, and he will come down hard, and it will be worse next time. I can't stand by.

On Wed, My wife misled her into thinking she was getting more pics taken, instead she took her first to the investigator, then to a prosecuting attorney. The investigator was a HUGE turn in this story. M is in a sense brainwashed not only from a lifetime of programming, but generations of reinforced roles of submission a woman should play in chinese society. We won't undo this by caling her stupid, but we're breaking down the wall.
The focus was on the boys--what are you willing to do for your boys? M: everything

Do you think he'll blame his jailling on you? M: yes

then, thre investigator asks: What do you love about your husband? M: we've been together fot 7 years.

No, what characteristics, personality trait the still makes you smile and want to be with him and love him for?

My wife said there was a loooooooong brutal silence.

M: nothing

Next day, he made bail.

We had two friends over yesterday, both lawyers. I served up my best bacon, bacon grease eggs, bacon grease grits, waffles and coffee. I introduced them to coffee with turbinado sugar and bacon grease. One said she was ready to fall in llove with me right there, cept for the fact that she's a lesbian, and her woman was sitting at the table. Good people. They laid the woman mojo on her, wifer translated, 5 boys and me watching Pirates o' the Caribbean drinking rum. Their cups of apple juice with "rum" scribbled on it. No apple juidce for mne.

One of them is running through her contacts and callinf Asian Pacific Legal Ctr today to get her name on the home. Her name right now isn't on the deed--this is a must to change it, and to send him a message that's she's serious and this shit will end right now.

The county is charging him--she didn't have to press charges. She says she'll testify.

It's even better: She went to court with a friend who will interpret this morning to get a temp. restraining order and child custody.

My wife is enlisting more people to keep pushing her. She needs it, sher admits it.

She's starting to get it. Women and children get beaten to a pulp or die when nothing is done. I won't let this happpen to a friend of ours. I won't. Fuck him. He only threatens women--never men--never.

For a good friend of my wife's, I'd rather feel the letdown if she goes back, than have stepped aside and hear about hospitalizations or deaths of her or the boys. An easy hard choice, but we're doing the right thing.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Mon Jul 06, 2009 11:33 am

Zer0 wrote:AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Now she wants to talk to the prosecutor to get him out. She wants to get him out so he can have another chance. She called his lawyer to see if she should file a restraining, and she was told no, of course. Now she's not doing it.
About this. this was because she's really naive, and a friend of his parents, who set them up with an attorney told her to do--to cause less problems. Not illegal. The friend also told her to call his lawyer, which she did.

Get this: She asked his lawyer if she should go ahead and file the restraining order (again, chill--she has absofucklinglutely zero experience with legal matters). He sez "No, come see me and we'll figure things out."

:lol: Stupid move asshat. Very dumb.

My wife asks me if that's fair. I call the investigatot, thinking it can't be legal. She says absolutely not. What he did was illegal, and could/should be reported to the bar. I asked if this coul;d be held back and used as a trump card later on in case we have to play hardball--not sure what she said (static, plus I had to go), but at least she can consider it.

So all that was not weakness on her part, rather her naivete, which we're watching very very intently

Update edit: Talkked to wifey. The papers should be in hand right now. I'll make photocopies for all of us and her.
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

User avatar
monstergirl
Barista of Doom
Location: Olympia
Contact:

Post by monstergirl » Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:39 pm

Really glad to hear things are looking upward instead of into the deep deadly abyss.

Keep us posted.
You and your wife rock.
SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY

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DerGolgo
Zaphod's Zeitgeist
Location: Potato

Post by DerGolgo » Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:50 pm

Most excellent news!
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

I said I have a big stick.

tucko
Maltov Rattlecan
Location: whittier, ca

Post by tucko » Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:12 pm

monstergirl wrote:Really glad to hear things are looking upward instead of into the deep deadly abyss.

Keep us posted.
You and your wife rock.

Good news indeed my friend. You and your wife are definitely awesome. Can't wait to meet her. Now, I just hope M and the boys will get through this shit ok.
The more corrupt a society, the more numerous its laws.

MoraleHazard
Vatican Sex Kitten
Location: Stamford, CT

Post by MoraleHazard » Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:06 am

Definitely glad to hear about this turn for the better.
666(k) Retirement Plan of the Beast. Only offered by Dis Annuities.
____________

'91 EX500 (sold)
'04 R1150R

____________

It's like getting bitten by a radioactive horse and instead of getting a really large cock you turn into a brony.

Metalredneck
Largely Uncontroversial

Post by Metalredneck » Tue Jul 07, 2009 3:51 am

+1. May the gods of your choice smile on you for your care & attention.
Done.

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Tue Jul 07, 2009 9:13 am

OK. Restraining order and child custody in affect. Papers will be served today. He can't come within 100 yards of her or the boys, and can make no contact: phone, letter, email, text. Nothing. He'll have to leave the house. She doesn't want to go there, but if she does, my wife and I will go with her. Mediation meetings set. Found a chinese-speaking attorney who will volunteer.

I asked her yesterday how she felt, and she feels nothing: no joy, nothing. She's numb. But she's learning what she needed to learn.

Thanks for the support, everyone. have gotten calls from some of you. Thanks
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

Rabbit_Fighter
Keeper of the Lava
Location: Seattle (Wedgwood)

Post by Rabbit_Fighter » Tue Jul 07, 2009 9:35 am

As Goose pointed out, you extend a stick when someone is drowning. . . you don't jump in.

You sir, have extended a boom ladder.

The fact that she is feeling numb is probably a good thing. In a situation like this, emotions can run all over the place and cloud judgment. It is best that she take a step back and really think about what is best for her kids and best for her in the long run, rather than following the same heart that got her hooked up with this bad man in the first place.

** I chose the expression "bad man", because dirtbag, scumbag, cretin, priest and asshole have all lost their negative connotations on this board.

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sun rat
Dominatrix of Skulduggery
Location: bfe
Contact:

Post by sun rat » Tue Jul 07, 2009 10:21 am

you, Sir, are a credit to the human species.
fuck it all.

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Shhted
Magnum Jihad
Location: Mini-apple-ish
Contact:

Post by Shhted » Tue Jul 07, 2009 10:27 am

sun rat wrote:you, Sir, are a credit to the human species.
Word.

Wisdom and peace to M and her boys. Kudos to you and your wife. A festering pox on the wife-beatin' hubby.
Drink beer. As much as you like. Mostly good stuff.

piccini9
Everybody dies. It's a love story.

Post by piccini9 » Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:05 pm

Shhted wrote:
sun rat wrote:you, Sir, are a credit to the human species.
Word.

Wisdom and peace to M and her boys. Kudos to you and your wife. A festering pox on the wife-beatin' hubby.
Yeah, what they said.
Adding pink and unicorns makes everything better.
-roadmissile

Treatment may include things like riding motorcycles and crocheting… whatever it takes to counteract the deleterious effects of existence. - Rolly

Zer0
Professor of Poop
Location: Smoggy Valley--east of Smog City

Post by Zer0 » Thu Oct 07, 2010 1:46 pm

Update:

We've made lots of progress. It's not over, but we're winning, and M's in charge.

She was getting no support from her family because she's a girl and she shopuld stop doing whatever it is that's pissing her husband off. Her dad said that to me.

I said the beating won't stop and your daughter might end up dead and your grandchildren permanently scarred.

Dad: that won't happen

I said bullshit, and didn't apologize.

Up until July this year it was up and down, back and forth.

Then M woke up, told him to go fuck himselfwith a fencepost, that she's leaving. My wife found her a shelter; they helped her get a long term restraining, gave her intense counseling and education. Now she's out of the shelter with the boys and living in a low-cost apartment. Hasn't seen or spoken to her wsoon to be ex since July.

She understands what happpened, how it can never happpen again, and that she doesn't need him to survive, and that her Green card process will not be affected by any of this.

It will get harder for her, which is why I'm not saying game over, but everything we had wished for her is happpening, and were it not for my trooper of a wife and their buddhist temple they belong to, M would probably still be living the horror of a life she was stuck in.

Yes. Good things can happpen if you refuse to accept the bad. The good guys are winning. We can all take a llittle credit in this as well. Thanks all. :)
'74 R90/6--Thor
'05 Sportster 1200--FrankenRat
My boy D when he was 4 wrote:Bones aren't important--we like motorcycles.
High Kommand wrote:That's the problem with giving a bike a girl's name. Too much temptation to lay it down to examine the undercarriage...

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Jaeger
Baron von Scrapple
Location: NoVA
Contact:

Post by Jaeger » Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:53 pm

Image


--Jaeger
Bigshankhank wrote:The world is a fucking wreck, but there is still sunshine in some places. Go outside and look for it.
<<NON ERRO>>
2018 Indian Scout -- "Lilah"

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