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Pirate Safari

A forum for the off topic stuff. Everything from religion to philosophy to sex to humor (see why it used to be called Buggery?). All manner of rude psychological abuse is welcome and encouraged.
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MATPOC
The Unreasonable Ukranian
Location: Providence, RI

Pirate Safari

Post by MATPOC » Sun Dec 13, 2009 11:28 am

This is babel fish translation from Russian marine time news bulletin, the news sources there are not known for their credibility...

http://babelfish.yahoo.com/translate_ur ... =Translate

*EDIT*
after I read the babel fish I decided to edit it a bit, not a full rewrite but just a quick repair:
This is not joke or if joke, then very strange. Cruises along the coast of Somalia are proposed specially, in order to kill pirates. Cruises, if we believe the advertisement, occur they regularly and drew the mass of worshipers to shoot at the live targets with impunity. On the photo the vessel, which carries out these cruises. Completely with exception of price rates translated the advertising booklet. Read and wonder - truth or not, I do not know. But why not?
[Voytenko] Mikhail

Welcome to the cruises of Somalia - this almost a safari, but it is nevertheless better!

[Safari], this word, which arrived at us from the language of Swahili, it indicates “adventure” and precisely adventure we offer to you even more on top of that what!
Our vessel courses along the Somali coast in the expectation of the attacks of pirates. Bring your favorite weapon, if it you do not have one, we will rent you one of ours.
Our vessel leaves from [Mombasa] (Kenya) on May 29, it goes along the coast of Somalia to Djibouti, where the cruise concludes. Places are limited, so that you will hurry! Free of charge - 100 tracer cartridges!
Our guarantees:
We promise the minimum of two attacks of pirates, if this it does not happen, we return to you half of the cost of cruise, including the lease of weapon and ammunition. Vessel will follow at speed 5 knots in 12 miles from the coast of Somalia. If no one attacks, we will turn around and will do it again, and we will course along the Somali coast not less than 8 days, until someone finally attacks. The vessel will be vividly illuminated in the night time, into air will be from time to time detonated fireworks, to the side the coasts will be directed speakers playing disco music - you be assured, we will draw the attention of pirates.
Our valuations:
$800.00 US/per of day of double occupancy (4 day of max of billing).
M -16 full auto rental: $25.00/day ammo: 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercingammo at $15.95.
Ak-47 assault riffle rental: No charge. ammo: 100 rounds of 7.62 complimentary ball end ammo, additional 100 rounds $14.95.
Barrett M -107 of .50 cal sniper riffle rental: $55.00/day ammo: 25 rounds of 50 cal of armor piercing at $9.95.
RPG of rental: $75/day. ammo: 3 standard loads at $200.
Mounted mini-Gun of $450.00 per of 30 seconds of sustained of fire.
Crew of members of can of double as spotters for $30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
“Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am.”
Meals are not included.
Opinions:
In the last cruise confirmed 3 kills! No longer I will go hunting, - with the shooting of pirates nothing will be compared from safari! I feel itself as Komando from the film.
Lars, Hamburg Of Germany
6 attacks in the course of 4 days, I finished off three, and my 12-year son sunk from the automatic weapon 2 boats. Calculation: Pirates 0, passengers 32! Cruise worth its money to the last cent.
Donald, Salt lake city Utah USA
Features, there was no such fun in me since then, when I flew the helicopters in Vietnam. Do not fear, to you not in danger, pirates simply do not manage to leave to the line of the aimed fire with their antique rusty Kalashnikov.
“chopper” Dan, Toledo USA.
Honestly, like sitting ducks! The pair of wounded pirates who fell into water, before our eyes gorged by sharks, in the life so not from what it projected. Gentlemen - pirate safari, this is something you must experience
Zeke, Springs Of Kentucky USA



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Sisyphus
Rigging the Ancient Mariner
Location: The Muckworks
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Post by Sisyphus » Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:12 pm

Hrrmmm. I'd guess prank.
Sent from my POS laptop plugged into the wall

xaos
Zaouse!
Location: North Shore of Oahu

Post by xaos » Sun Dec 13, 2009 7:34 pm

Mounted mini-Gun of $450.00 per of 30 seconds of sustained of fire.
A bargain! sign me right up.
Defying human design since 1979

...it's pronounced chaos
http://www.precision.aero/xaos-27.htm

User avatar
MATPOC
The Unreasonable Ukranian
Location: Providence, RI

Post by MATPOC » Sun Dec 13, 2009 7:54 pm

xaos wrote:
Mounted mini-Gun of $450.00 per of 30 seconds of sustained of fire.
A bargain! sign me right up.
Minigun aka Gatling gun fires 6000 rounds per minute, 100 per second, as $15 seems to be their rate for 100 rounds, times 30 seconds $450 is a fair price, no volume discount (only $0.15 per round)

pocphil
Pin Puller
Location: Cleveland
Contact:

Post by pocphil » Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:48 am

I would just buy my ammo from this guy, the hell with the trip. $10 for 25 rounds of .50 BMG - sign me up.
Phil Waters
Pride Of Cleveland Scooters
www.clevelandscooters.com

xaos
Zaouse!
Location: North Shore of Oahu

Post by xaos » Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:41 pm

damn you Rev, and all your dashing of hopes and dreams!
Defying human design since 1979

...it's pronounced chaos
http://www.precision.aero/xaos-27.htm

Ames
Megachiroptera Übermench
Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
Contact:

Post by Ames » Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:51 pm

Of course Faux News got taken in, it's jingoistic enough to rouse their All 'Merican Red (white and blue) blood! Hell, I'd be surprised if Rupert Murdoch didn't trade-mark the idea as the basis for an all new Faux reality series. "Who Wants to Kill a Somali Pirate?" hosted by Larry the Cable Guy and coming soon to a Faux station in your area.
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.

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MATPOC
The Unreasonable Ukranian
Location: Providence, RI

Post by MATPOC » Thu May 05, 2011 7:45 pm

here's a real one!

<object width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/TruV3sxS9Zw&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/TruV3sxS9Zw&hl ... &version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object>

WeAintFoundShit
Ayatollah of Mayhem
Location: Davis

Post by WeAintFoundShit » Thu May 05, 2011 11:13 pm

When you watch that, does it even register in your mind that they go back and forth from Russian to English?
"The grip on the right is the fun regulator." -Donny Greene

I crash a lot.

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red
Yap. Doomed for all eternity.
Location: Indy
Contact:

Post by red » Fri May 06, 2011 5:41 am

pocphil wrote:I would just buy my ammo from this guy, the hell with the trip. $10 for 25 rounds of .50 BMG - sign me up.
I was thinking the same thing! It's a killer deal. :evil:

piccini9
Everybody dies. It's a love story.

Post by piccini9 » Fri May 06, 2011 6:29 am

Rev wrote:Reading various comments on that fake news story, it occurred to me that there's a fortune to be made by hooking a web-cam to a remote controlled machine gun and letting internet tough guys take shots at poor people in third world countries.
Rev for Grand Chancellor?
Adding pink and unicorns makes everything better.
-roadmissile

Treatment may include things like riding motorcycles and crocheting… whatever it takes to counteract the deleterious effects of existence. - Rolly

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MATPOC
The Unreasonable Ukranian
Location: Providence, RI

Post by MATPOC » Tue May 10, 2011 3:59 am

WeAintFoundShit wrote:When you watch that, does it even register in your mind that they go back and forth from Russian to English?
I notice it, probably because of heavy accent. For years I trained to spot my English speaking countrymen by the accent, at supermarkets, gas stations, on the street, any time I hear an accent always wonder if they are Russian, it's pretty clear in this vid

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