End of the world opportunity

rolly · Post by **rolly** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 7:46 am

This is fucking genius! Why didn't I think of it?

Who's going to look after kittie when the Rapture comes and you go to heaven? This Man:

Mike De Paola wrote:Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, says many people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. He started a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

Caring for Pets Left Behind by the Rapture

Brilliant!

12ci · Post by **12ci** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:01 am

well, if not atheists, there will be dozens of others that will be left behind...Jews, Muslims, Buddists, Catholics...some of whom are bound to be trustworthy.

problemaddict · Post by **problemaddict** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:15 am

12ci wrote:Jews, Muslims, Buddists, Catholics...some of whom are bound to be trustworthy.

I doubt that. I only trust athiests!

Post by **Beemer Dan** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:31 am

As much as the religious fundamentalists want the rapture to come, it pales in comparison to how bad the rest of us want it. Sure, I'll miss our few deeply religious friends, but on the whole it'll make life a lot easier. The trick is keeping them from setting off all the doomsday devices before they go. Hmmm.... maybe we could just fake the doomsday part. Someone here has gotta know Michael Bay eh? Let's get it rolling!

/puts on asbestos suit

Davros · Post by **Davros** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:50 am

Rev wrote:Saddest movie ever.

I don't want Minneh to be left behind

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 10:01 am

I was told that all dogs go to heaven, therefore only the cats (aka Devil's familiars) will be left behind. No thank you.

WeAintFoundShit · Post by **WeAintFoundShit** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 4:10 pm

It always comes down to this.

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 6:02 pm

REV, did you make those?

rolly · Post by **rolly** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:50 pm

TV200 wrote:
Rev wrote:Saddest movie ever.

I don't want Minneh to be left behind

Wait, you're going to be saved?

Anyhow, I don't think pets left behind will be a big problem in the post apocalyptic world.

roadmissile · Post by **roadmissile** » Fri Feb 26, 2010 12:28 am

Rev wrote:Last one, I promise.

Rev, this one is the easy winner, the others made me laugh, but with this one I damn near fell out of my chair.

/RM

Post by **Beemer Dan** » Fri Feb 26, 2010 5:05 am

Rev wrote:Last one, I promise.

I love it! You win the internet (you have to give it back to 4chan, you-tube and alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.nazi-unicorn.bondage tomorrow, but it's yours today).

On a side note, maybe they'll do something like this for the digital remastering of the movies eh?

Gahread · Post by **Gahread** » Sat Feb 27, 2010 5:11 pm

Beemer Dan wrote:alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.nazi-unicorn.bondage

Wat?

I mean, I know Rule 34 and all, but damn.

Davros · Post by **Davros** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 3:07 pm

Eternal Earthbound Pets wrote: Notice of Rate Increase: Due to the increased activity associated with the May 21, 2011 Rapture prophesy we have increased our service rates for all new contracts submitted as of 1/13/11.

Just a Public service announcement. Those who need this service should be aware of the rate increase, because there isn't much time left.

rolly · Post by **rolly** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 4:03 pm

Davros wrote:
Eternal Earthbound Pets wrote: Notice of Rate Increase: Due to the increased activity associated with the May 21, 2011 Rapture prophesy we have increased our service rates for all new contracts submitted as of 1/13/11.
Just a Public service announcement. Those who need this service should be aware of the rate increase, because there isn't much time left.

It's May 21st now? We should have to have an end of the world party.

Davros · Post by **Davros** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 6:49 pm

rolly wrote:
Davros wrote:
Eternal Earthbound Pets wrote: Notice of Rate Increase: Due to the increased activity associated with the May 21, 2011 Rapture prophesy we have increased our service rates for all new contracts submitted as of 1/13/11.
Just a Public service announcement. Those who need this service should be aware of the rate increase, because there isn't much time left.
It's May 21st now? We should have to have an end of the world party.

TIMING OF IMPORTANT EVENTS IN HISTORY

11,013 BC—Creation. God created the world and man (Adam and Eve).

4990 BC—The flood of Noah’s day. All perished in a worldwide flood. Only Noah, his wife, and his 3 sons and their wives survived in the ark (6023 years from creation).

7 BC—The year Jesus Christ was born (11,006 years from creation).

33 AD—The year Jesus Christ was crucified and the church age began (11,045 years from creation; 5023 calendar years from the flood).

1988 AD—This year ended the church age and began the great tribulation period of 23 years (13,000 years from creation).

1994 AD—On September 7th, the first 2300-day period of the great tribulation came to an end and the latter rain began, commencing God’s plan to save a great multitude of people outside of the churches (13,006 years from creation).

2011 AD—On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. On October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).

Um, look at the timeline. Only rapture is on May 21st, we have to wait 5 whole months for the actual end of the world. Oct 21st to be precise. Which is a Friday. Which could be DOOM! weekend if we so decide. If these guys are right, it could be the most accurately named DOOM! ever, WITH NO HANGOVERS!

rolly · Post by **rolly** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:23 pm

Sorry man, I can never keep this stuff straight. They keep changing the dates

calamari kid · Post by **calamari kid** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:57 pm

Davros wrote: Um, look at the timeline. Only rapture is on May 21st, we have to wait 5 whole months for the actual end of the world...

Well at least we wont miss the summer riding season.

Davros · Post by **Davros** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:01 am

rolly wrote:Sorry man, I can never keep this stuff straight. They keep changing the dates

What could God be telling us by identifying 1 day along with 1000 years?

Since we recently have discovered the Biblical calendar of history on the pages of the Bible, we find that the flood of Noah’s day occurred in the year 4990 BC. This date is completely accurate . It was in the year 4990 BC that God revealed to Noah that there would be yet 7 days until the flood of waters would be upon the earth. Now, if we substitute 1000 years for each one of those 7 days, we get 7000 years. And when we project 7000 years into the future from 4990 BC, we find that it falls on the year 2011 AD.

4990 + 2011 = 7001

Note: When counting from an Old Testament date to a New Testament date, always subtract one year because there is no year zero, resulting in:

4990 + 2011 – 1 = 7000 years exactly.

The year 2011 AD will be the 7000th year from the flood of Noah’s day. It will be the end of the length of time given to mankind to find grace in God’s sight. This means that the time to find refuge in Christ has grown extremely short. We are only a little ways off from the year 2011 AD!

It is not unusual that God’s people have been given insight into the timing of the end of the world. Actually, the Bible tells us this is normally the case. In times past, God has warned His people of approaching periods of judgment:

On May 21st, 1988, God finished using the churches and congregations of the world. The Spirit of God left all churches and Satan, the man of sin, entered into the churches to rule at that point in time. The Bible teaches us that this awful period of judgment upon the churches would last for 23 years. A full 23 years (8400 days exactly) would be from May 21 st, 1988 until May 21st, 2011. This information was discovered in the Bible completely apart from the information regarding the 7000 years from the flood.

Therefore, we see that the full 23-year tribulation period concludes on May 21st, 2011. This date is the exact day that the great tribulation comes to its end, and this is also the most likely landing spot for the 7000 years from the flood of Noah’s day.

Keep in mind that God shut the door on the ark on the 17th day of the 2nd month of Noah’s calendar. We also find that May 21 st, 2011 is the end of the great tribulation period. There is a strong relationship between the 2nd month and 17th day of Noah’s calendar and May 21st, 2011 of our Gregorian calendar. This relationship cannot be readily seen until we discover that there is another calendar to consider, which is the Hebrew (or Biblical) calendar. May 21 st, 2011 happens to be the 17th day of the 2nd month of the Hebrew calendar. By this, God is confirming to us that we have a very correct understanding regarding the 7000-year timeline from the flood. May 21 st, 2011 is the equivalent date to the date when God shut the door on Noah’s ark. Through this and much other Biblical information, we find that May 21 st, 2011 will be the day when God takes up into heaven His elect people. May 21st, 2011 will be Judgment Day! This is the day God shuts the door of salvation on the world.

In other words, in having the great tribulation period conclude on a day that identifies with the 17th day of the 2nd month of Noah’s calendar, God is without question confirming to us that this is the day He intends to shut forever the door of entry into heaven:

As you can tell, there is incontrovertible proof that this time, it's certain. I can't find a single flaw in the reasoning.

dozer · Post by **dozer** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:55 am

I am Noah, and I can confirm this to be true.

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:02 am

So, would now be a good time to establish a credit rating, then blow it all to Hell on fast machines, loose women, and strong drink?

Gahread · Post by **Gahread** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:18 am

I know it's borderline evil of me, but I am *so* trying to figure out how to use this in the short time left to make obscene amounts of money from people who think they won't have any obligations on May 22, 2011.

Login

End of the world opportunity

End of the world opportunity