Don't I wish!

[Ames]

Washington D.C. - Associated Press, 8:27 a.m.

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States
of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th. The
move is being made to save not only a significant portion of the
President's $400K yearly salary, but also a record $521 billion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.). Reynolds, with
the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of
American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the
world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Sanji
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
office of President as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States
while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him
eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month
but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference between
the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices
of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep
my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an
exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I
would be President someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should
not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable
him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using this tree, he
can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
Spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them successfully for years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment benefits will
exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.

According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical work experience. One possibility is
re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should he choose this option, he
would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been
there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable
knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and
gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception
from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his
arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

[Photo]

Hilarious! I'm wishing for this, too.