So I was conversing with two friends last night, one who has been married for two years, the other who described his dating history as the "crash and burn" type. The topic of simply meeting people to date has also come up, so if you're not married, feel free to chime in anyhow. The questions are these:
1. Where, how, and in what situation did you meet your current partner?
2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!
3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?
4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with?
Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
Pondering life,
RV
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Relationship query (for the smug marrieds)
-
rhinoviper
- Toe-Draggin' Speed Monkey
- Location: Tiny Town
- Contact:
Relationship query (for the smug marrieds)
'00 SV650 "Banshee"
'03 Aprilia Tuono "dewey"
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'03 Aprilia Tuono "dewey"
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-
wyckedsin
- Barista of Doom
- Location: exploring the rabbit hole looking for Alice...
<i>1. Where, how, and in what situation did you meet your current partner?</i>
Oddly enough, I met her in a bar, that neither of us was suppossed to be at, she was there to do an intervention for a friend who took out her husband frustrations on other men in sexual favors. I was there because the "Bike Night" I went to with some other friends had a dress code...yeah, 50 OCC harleys and a few other bikes, and collared shirt dress code. Anyways, I was invited to this other bar by another biker that like me didn't meet the dress code. So there I was, standing on the raised platform above their table, drinking a Guinness and enjoying a rocking cover band doing southern rock/70's rock covers, when this woman grabs my leg to get my attention. She said her friend had been trying to get my attention and wanted to know if I wanted to dance. A reasonable deal at the time when looking at the situation so I said "Sure" Spent the night dancing and just chatting. Then she suprised the hell out of all of her friends that had shown up to help with the afore mentioned lass, by actually giving me her business card and asking me to call her to do lunch. Something I have come to learn, was VERY out of character for her.
<i>2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!</i>
At the time I met her, I had just been through a very devastating break up. I wasn't looking for anyone and was very much "off the market". We actually dated as a casual thing with no intent for anything more, but found ourselves to have just what the other really needed.
<i>3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?</i> That is very difficult to just give you a cut and dried answer. Mainly because a hell of a lot has happened in the last year. Some of it good, and some of it bad. I had to leave her last summer due to issues she just couldn't cope with or fix for herself at that time that were things that she herself was the only one who could do anything about them. I left with no intention of ever coming back to her it was that bad. She changed. She looked at what was said, not just by me when I left, but others around her and reevaluated her life. She saw the way she had fallen from what she wanted to be, and did what she needed to get herself back to what SHE wanted herself to be. At that point she realised just how much I added to her life when I had been there and contacted me as my once again reborn long term relationship had come to a horrific realisation. Some times, life really is all about perpetual timing. She asked me to come home, I laid out some terms that protected me from the issues that had seperated us prior and she agreed, asking only that if those issues started up again, to make sure that we brought them out in the open right away so they could be dealt with. It has worked since then. To answer your question, when I realised that I was no longer just living in a house with my girlfriend but actually living in a home with a family, that was when I knew that to ask for her hand was what I needed to do, so in early March of this year, I set the wheels in motion to have a ring paid off in time to ask for her hand for Mother's Day.
<i>4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with?</i>
As I said above, I "knew" when I no longer felt like I was living in a house with my girlfriend but living in a home with family.
<i>Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone? </i>
Being in love with someone is akin to that feeling of family. My daughter said it to me best the other day on the phone "daddy, I may be very upset with you right now, but I will always love you." You know without a doubt or a thought that the other person returns your love for them. Soft words or a look often tell the tale, but just sitting in their absence you can feel them on your skin and know their touch.
Loving someone is to care beyond measure, but not be certain if the person returns your love in the same way. You need reassurances in small looks, or words, or gifts or feel compelled to do the same. You have to think about their touch, it just isn't there bringing forth your thoughts and feelings for them. But just because you are loving of someone and no longer with them doesn't mean the depth of your love for them ever goes away. The heart doesn't always agree with the mind, nor does it always accept the loss, the heart wants what the heart wants and there is no rule that says your heart only has room to be in love with only one. You can be in love with many, but its the one you are truly in love with that holds your heart and gives you that warmth with but just a thought, no matter how upsetting the day has been.
Oddly enough, I met her in a bar, that neither of us was suppossed to be at, she was there to do an intervention for a friend who took out her husband frustrations on other men in sexual favors. I was there because the "Bike Night" I went to with some other friends had a dress code...yeah, 50 OCC harleys and a few other bikes, and collared shirt dress code. Anyways, I was invited to this other bar by another biker that like me didn't meet the dress code. So there I was, standing on the raised platform above their table, drinking a Guinness and enjoying a rocking cover band doing southern rock/70's rock covers, when this woman grabs my leg to get my attention. She said her friend had been trying to get my attention and wanted to know if I wanted to dance. A reasonable deal at the time when looking at the situation so I said "Sure" Spent the night dancing and just chatting. Then she suprised the hell out of all of her friends that had shown up to help with the afore mentioned lass, by actually giving me her business card and asking me to call her to do lunch. Something I have come to learn, was VERY out of character for her.
<i>2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!</i>
At the time I met her, I had just been through a very devastating break up. I wasn't looking for anyone and was very much "off the market". We actually dated as a casual thing with no intent for anything more, but found ourselves to have just what the other really needed.
<i>3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?</i> That is very difficult to just give you a cut and dried answer. Mainly because a hell of a lot has happened in the last year. Some of it good, and some of it bad. I had to leave her last summer due to issues she just couldn't cope with or fix for herself at that time that were things that she herself was the only one who could do anything about them. I left with no intention of ever coming back to her it was that bad. She changed. She looked at what was said, not just by me when I left, but others around her and reevaluated her life. She saw the way she had fallen from what she wanted to be, and did what she needed to get herself back to what SHE wanted herself to be. At that point she realised just how much I added to her life when I had been there and contacted me as my once again reborn long term relationship had come to a horrific realisation. Some times, life really is all about perpetual timing. She asked me to come home, I laid out some terms that protected me from the issues that had seperated us prior and she agreed, asking only that if those issues started up again, to make sure that we brought them out in the open right away so they could be dealt with. It has worked since then. To answer your question, when I realised that I was no longer just living in a house with my girlfriend but actually living in a home with a family, that was when I knew that to ask for her hand was what I needed to do, so in early March of this year, I set the wheels in motion to have a ring paid off in time to ask for her hand for Mother's Day.
<i>4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with?</i>
As I said above, I "knew" when I no longer felt like I was living in a house with my girlfriend but living in a home with family.
<i>Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone? </i>
Being in love with someone is akin to that feeling of family. My daughter said it to me best the other day on the phone "daddy, I may be very upset with you right now, but I will always love you." You know without a doubt or a thought that the other person returns your love for them. Soft words or a look often tell the tale, but just sitting in their absence you can feel them on your skin and know their touch.
Loving someone is to care beyond measure, but not be certain if the person returns your love in the same way. You need reassurances in small looks, or words, or gifts or feel compelled to do the same. You have to think about their touch, it just isn't there bringing forth your thoughts and feelings for them. But just because you are loving of someone and no longer with them doesn't mean the depth of your love for them ever goes away. The heart doesn't always agree with the mind, nor does it always accept the loss, the heart wants what the heart wants and there is no rule that says your heart only has room to be in love with only one. You can be in love with many, but its the one you are truly in love with that holds your heart and gives you that warmth with but just a thought, no matter how upsetting the day has been.
Sanity has left the building
-
smashinator
- Barista of Doom
- Location: Rancho Relaxo
1. In a dorm room in college. I was play the guitar and singing Dennis Leary's "Asshole" song. Later, I met her again in HER dorm room where she was having a party. After everyone was wasted the facepaints came out and... well.... the next day I had to wash King Diamond-esque makeup off. It took a good half-hour.
God, was I ever actually that cool?
2. I was in college and dirt poor. I wasn't looking to hook up with my wife at all, but then SURPRISE! Emphasis on the "not looking." Incidentally, we were both sober when we finally realized how much we liked each other.
3. Well, we dated for about 7 years (living together for at least 5).... Couldn't say WHEN I decided I wanted to marry her. Can say that I didn't have cold feet when the wedding came around.
4. I like her better than bikes and guitars (and pizza). Also, she's seen me wasted, face-painted, and laughing hysterically at a bag of Dill Pickle Chips without explaining to anyone what was funny... and she still likes me.
Bonus -
Loving someone = not wishing them any specific harm
Being in Love = getting all retarded when you see them. Not all the time, but enough that you remember why you're with them.
Do I get an oreo now?
God, was I ever actually that cool?
2. I was in college and dirt poor. I wasn't looking to hook up with my wife at all, but then SURPRISE! Emphasis on the "not looking." Incidentally, we were both sober when we finally realized how much we liked each other.
3. Well, we dated for about 7 years (living together for at least 5).... Couldn't say WHEN I decided I wanted to marry her. Can say that I didn't have cold feet when the wedding came around.
4. I like her better than bikes and guitars (and pizza). Also, she's seen me wasted, face-painted, and laughing hysterically at a bag of Dill Pickle Chips without explaining to anyone what was funny... and she still likes me.
Bonus -
Loving someone = not wishing them any specific harm
Being in Love = getting all retarded when you see them. Not all the time, but enough that you remember why you're with them.
Do I get an oreo now?
-
xtian
- Le coureur de lames chasse Tinti...
- Location: belgium
- Contact:
-
Ames
- Megachiroptera Übermench
- Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
- Contact:
I'd hardly say I was smug, and as a matter of fact I find my relationship to be a tumultuous struggle that I don't always do well at (nor does my partner), but here you are:
1. Where, how, and in what situation did you meet your current partner?
About eleven years or so ago I was sitting in my flat smoking cigarettes and generally being pissed off at the world. I'd been through a bad break-up about a year earlier and had been living in a completely stupid and reckless manner. My roomate walked in and said (not breaking stride as he strolled into his room) "Ames this is Jess, Jess this is Ames. Talk."
The silence hung between us like the smoke I'd been busily trying to fill the flat up with until I finally looked at her and asked, "You mind if I smoke?"
"Yes," she replied curtly.
"Sorry," I muttered as I picked up my ashtray and went out onto the porch.
She stood there a moment, obviously trying to figure out what had just happened. I glanced back over my shoulder really looking at her for the first time. She was shorter than most of the women I'd been dating (fucking would probably be a lot more honest), and certainly a lot thinner than most healthy people I knew, but not skinny in that "Are her nails chipping from stomache acid?" kind of way. I liked her hair, it was curly and fell to just the base of her neck and looked like it would smell of fresh straw.
"You want something to drink?" I tossed back at her trying not to let her see that I was enjoying how muscular her legs looked.
"What do you have?"
I smiled full of myself and prepaired to rattle off the list of beverages my roomate and I had stocked up for just such an opportunity. I just had to hope she didn't ask for anything to eat.
2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!
I was single, living in an apartment on Capital Hill with a friend of mine, pissed off and bitter at the world and women in general, I wanted to meet someone who didn't strip for a living and actually have a relationship with them, I had dropped out of college and was working as a cashier at a liquor store and had less than no money.
3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?
The first night we went out we ditched her friends who were just making fun of me anyway because of the way I danced. We sat in a coffee-shop for about two hours and just talked about...everything and nothing all at once. It's hard to remember the specifics when the feeling of the moment, that dizzy, giddy, time-stretched moment seems to have happened somewhere between that time that one realizes they're dreaming and then opens their eyes.
We dated for three weeks before I kissed her for the first time (ask her, she can still tell you the time, date, and place) because I really wanted the first kiss to make an impression.
She moved in with me about two months later (partly because her roomate flaked out on her and let her know at the last minute that she was moving in with her boyfriend, and partly because I wanted to see her more). By that point I'd already freaked her out by making room for her to keep overnight clothes and toiletries at my place, so I guess I was ready for the next step anyway.
We're still living together eleven years and two kids later. Maybe someday we will get married.
4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with?
When I realized I couldn't scare her. Not like jumping out of a closet and yelling "Boo!" but more along the lines of I couldn't intimidate her or make her back down from a conviction. I've met too few women like that in my life and realized that was the type of mate I needed to have to keep me in line.
Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
When you love someone, you genuinly care about their well being and want only the best for them; even if that means you can't be with them. When you're in love with someone you're selfish and want to keep them to yourself.
1. Where, how, and in what situation did you meet your current partner?
About eleven years or so ago I was sitting in my flat smoking cigarettes and generally being pissed off at the world. I'd been through a bad break-up about a year earlier and had been living in a completely stupid and reckless manner. My roomate walked in and said (not breaking stride as he strolled into his room) "Ames this is Jess, Jess this is Ames. Talk."
The silence hung between us like the smoke I'd been busily trying to fill the flat up with until I finally looked at her and asked, "You mind if I smoke?"
"Yes," she replied curtly.
"Sorry," I muttered as I picked up my ashtray and went out onto the porch.
She stood there a moment, obviously trying to figure out what had just happened. I glanced back over my shoulder really looking at her for the first time. She was shorter than most of the women I'd been dating (fucking would probably be a lot more honest), and certainly a lot thinner than most healthy people I knew, but not skinny in that "Are her nails chipping from stomache acid?" kind of way. I liked her hair, it was curly and fell to just the base of her neck and looked like it would smell of fresh straw.
"You want something to drink?" I tossed back at her trying not to let her see that I was enjoying how muscular her legs looked.
"What do you have?"
I smiled full of myself and prepaired to rattle off the list of beverages my roomate and I had stocked up for just such an opportunity. I just had to hope she didn't ask for anything to eat.
2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!
I was single, living in an apartment on Capital Hill with a friend of mine, pissed off and bitter at the world and women in general, I wanted to meet someone who didn't strip for a living and actually have a relationship with them, I had dropped out of college and was working as a cashier at a liquor store and had less than no money.
3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?
The first night we went out we ditched her friends who were just making fun of me anyway because of the way I danced. We sat in a coffee-shop for about two hours and just talked about...everything and nothing all at once. It's hard to remember the specifics when the feeling of the moment, that dizzy, giddy, time-stretched moment seems to have happened somewhere between that time that one realizes they're dreaming and then opens their eyes.
We dated for three weeks before I kissed her for the first time (ask her, she can still tell you the time, date, and place) because I really wanted the first kiss to make an impression.
She moved in with me about two months later (partly because her roomate flaked out on her and let her know at the last minute that she was moving in with her boyfriend, and partly because I wanted to see her more). By that point I'd already freaked her out by making room for her to keep overnight clothes and toiletries at my place, so I guess I was ready for the next step anyway.
We're still living together eleven years and two kids later. Maybe someday we will get married.
4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with?
When I realized I couldn't scare her. Not like jumping out of a closet and yelling "Boo!" but more along the lines of I couldn't intimidate her or make her back down from a conviction. I've met too few women like that in my life and realized that was the type of mate I needed to have to keep me in line.
Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
When you love someone, you genuinly care about their well being and want only the best for them; even if that means you can't be with them. When you're in love with someone you're selfish and want to keep them to yourself.
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.
-
Aggroton
- Chuck Asap
- Location: Wrenchtown
i first met her on my back porch while i was in 10th grade...
the moment i saw her i fell in love with the "idea" of her.
did not see her again untill my 2nd semester of college when she transfered to the same college i was attending...so i began to woo her...which consisted of watching soap operas and pilfering her mt. dew supply...then one night we went to a party and ended up going home together...moved in with her the next semester...lived with her for 2 years then she graduated after i failed out...and she still wanted to hang out with me...so i figured i should marry this fine speciman of women before she realizes im a complete idiot.
the moment i saw her i fell in love with the "idea" of her.
did not see her again untill my 2nd semester of college when she transfered to the same college i was attending...so i began to woo her...which consisted of watching soap operas and pilfering her mt. dew supply...then one night we went to a party and ended up going home together...moved in with her the next semester...lived with her for 2 years then she graduated after i failed out...and she still wanted to hang out with me...so i figured i should marry this fine speciman of women before she realizes im a complete idiot.
thats a sweet bike.
-
maniacles
- Ayatollah of Mayhem
- Location: ground zero
- Contact:
Smug?! Yeah, right.
Most people don't realize that getting married undermines it's logical reason for existence.
Once you are married, you will never know for sure whether your spouse is with you because they Want to be, or because they HAVE to be.
The old high school relationship maxim went something like this:
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, it was meant to be. If they don't, it wasn't. Repeat often.
There's truth in that.
As for meeting people, that's easy! Go do the things and live the life that makes you happy. If you notice some interesting people on the way, hang with them! Ask them out. Make sure they aren't just going thru the motions to attract your attention. Be absolutely true to yourself in this effort.
As for loving or being in love with someone, those are answers only you can define. In short, if you're unsure, confused or scared, the answer is no.
Most importantly, don't get in a "relationship hurry". For any reason. Ever.
"Cynicles" signing off.
Most people don't realize that getting married undermines it's logical reason for existence.
Once you are married, you will never know for sure whether your spouse is with you because they Want to be, or because they HAVE to be.
The old high school relationship maxim went something like this:
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, it was meant to be. If they don't, it wasn't. Repeat often.
There's truth in that.
As for meeting people, that's easy! Go do the things and live the life that makes you happy. If you notice some interesting people on the way, hang with them! Ask them out. Make sure they aren't just going thru the motions to attract your attention. Be absolutely true to yourself in this effort.
As for loving or being in love with someone, those are answers only you can define. In short, if you're unsure, confused or scared, the answer is no.
Most importantly, don't get in a "relationship hurry". For any reason. Ever.
"Cynicles" signing off.
AKA Krampus
-
Vance
- Magnum Jihad
- Location: Denver-Metro Area, Colorado
- Contact:
I'm 28 days from finalizing my divorce if all goes well...
I don't think I'd be good answering these questions.
Then again... maybe I would.
Hmmmm....
I don't think I'd be good answering these questions.
Then again... maybe I would.
Hmmmm....
With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied – chains us all, irrevocably."
- 2001 Aprilia RSV Mille R
- 2001 Aprilia RSV Mille R
-
SSchumacherCO
- El Asbestos Pajamas
- Location: Longmont, CO
- Contact:
-
brockster
- Maltov Rattlecan
- Location: Ohio
Re: Relationship answer : Where's YOUR relationship???
1. Where, how, and in what situation did you meet your current partner?
Met her at a church that I had frequented on and off for a few years. Conservative non-denominational storefront type of place. I was already being actively ignored by the one or two single women in the group that didn't seem to be too butch or 'God will give me a husband when he's ready' (they're not gonna date). She was a couple of years older than me and had real life experiences, unlike most of the women available in that church. She had been married twice before to some real prizes... We were at a bagel place after the service one day with the other single rejects and I started riffing on her and a few other people. We didn't have good first impressions of each other. I thought she was an alky floozy divorcee and she just thought I was an asshole.
2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!
I was my usually severely depressed self (back then). Just had lost another job due to ADD + anxiety. Credit-card debt. Living by myself in a one-bedroom 1940's vintage apartment building in Reading, Ohio. The type where the landlord controls the thermostat...
Had left (finally an on and off relationship that lasted 4 years. That one had been a rebound relationship for me which I kept (kind of) going. She had moved about a 20-second walk away from my building didn't make it easier to ditch her! I knew we weren't meant to be after dating three weeks, but what the hell...
I always found dating to be extremely difficult, because 1. I was really shy, and would never ask anyone out that I was gobsmacked over. Regrets there--after my first date, I went 7 years without one! 2. After college, it's a bitch to meet someone decent and honest and good-looking (who is not a golddigger) if you do not have a job wehere you can meet lots of different people. You're not surrounded by thousands of nearby women like at a university. 3. Very limited funds. 4. I didn't lie, cheat, or bullshit women. Many aren't used to honesty. (The four year date knew I was lukewarm about the relationship-we weren't holding guns to each other's heads).
3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?
She dumped me and left on a business trip. Within 3 weeks,she found out she was pregnant. We both decided to grow up a bit (I was 34), and give the new baby-to-be a home.
Unfortunately, she felt that it was a mistake and unloaded on me with both barrels the morning after the wedding. I had NEVER had anyone that I dated get THAT nasty with me in my life! She thought this was fuck-up marrige#3 and was furious about it. What followed was several years of door-slamming, screaming and threatening to leave fights - that would happen at least twice a week. Not fun. Not fun at all. Not much love then.
We now have been married 7 1/2 years. The last couple have been a bit better and the two girls we have are really cool. But it's been an absolute bitch sometimes. I'm a MUCH more mature and stronger person for having gone through this, but if I would ever have to marry again, I sure as hell would not put up with the emotional abuse that was rampant the first few years.
4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with? When the funny spot showed up on the expensive piece of paper. She just left on a trip earlier today, and that really made us have one of those moments when the day-to-day bs is stripped away and we look at each other and realize that we DO love each other. We kenw that, but we have our emotional bunkers to peek over before the intimate dialogues happen.
Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person):
How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
Loving someone is putting up with their shit and still loving them just as another imperfect human, like yourself. Being in love is all about the excitement, the rush, the endophins, the endless fantasizing when they're not around. The mutual crush is a tough ride to leave in any relationship. Lots of relationships crash and burn right at that point.
Met her at a church that I had frequented on and off for a few years. Conservative non-denominational storefront type of place. I was already being actively ignored by the one or two single women in the group that didn't seem to be too butch or 'God will give me a husband when he's ready' (they're not gonna date). She was a couple of years older than me and had real life experiences, unlike most of the women available in that church. She had been married twice before to some real prizes... We were at a bagel place after the service one day with the other single rejects and I started riffing on her and a few other people. We didn't have good first impressions of each other. I thought she was an alky floozy divorcee and she just thought I was an asshole.
2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!
I was my usually severely depressed self (back then). Just had lost another job due to ADD + anxiety. Credit-card debt. Living by myself in a one-bedroom 1940's vintage apartment building in Reading, Ohio. The type where the landlord controls the thermostat...
Had left (finally an on and off relationship that lasted 4 years. That one had been a rebound relationship for me which I kept (kind of) going. She had moved about a 20-second walk away from my building didn't make it easier to ditch her! I knew we weren't meant to be after dating three weeks, but what the hell...
I always found dating to be extremely difficult, because 1. I was really shy, and would never ask anyone out that I was gobsmacked over. Regrets there--after my first date, I went 7 years without one! 2. After college, it's a bitch to meet someone decent and honest and good-looking (who is not a golddigger) if you do not have a job wehere you can meet lots of different people. You're not surrounded by thousands of nearby women like at a university. 3. Very limited funds. 4. I didn't lie, cheat, or bullshit women. Many aren't used to honesty. (The four year date knew I was lukewarm about the relationship-we weren't holding guns to each other's heads).
3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?
She dumped me and left on a business trip. Within 3 weeks,she found out she was pregnant. We both decided to grow up a bit (I was 34), and give the new baby-to-be a home.
Unfortunately, she felt that it was a mistake and unloaded on me with both barrels the morning after the wedding. I had NEVER had anyone that I dated get THAT nasty with me in my life! She thought this was fuck-up marrige#3 and was furious about it. What followed was several years of door-slamming, screaming and threatening to leave fights - that would happen at least twice a week. Not fun. Not fun at all. Not much love then.
We now have been married 7 1/2 years. The last couple have been a bit better and the two girls we have are really cool. But it's been an absolute bitch sometimes. I'm a MUCH more mature and stronger person for having gone through this, but if I would ever have to marry again, I sure as hell would not put up with the emotional abuse that was rampant the first few years.
4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with? When the funny spot showed up on the expensive piece of paper. She just left on a trip earlier today, and that really made us have one of those moments when the day-to-day bs is stripped away and we look at each other and realize that we DO love each other. We kenw that, but we have our emotional bunkers to peek over before the intimate dialogues happen.
Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person):
How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
Loving someone is putting up with their shit and still loving them just as another imperfect human, like yourself. Being in love is all about the excitement, the rush, the endophins, the endless fantasizing when they're not around. The mutual crush is a tough ride to leave in any relationship. Lots of relationships crash and burn right at that point.
Brockster
Ohio.
'01 HD Sportster Sport XL1200S
'85 Honda Eilte - needs electrical work
'77 Vespa w/Pinasco 177 kit - seized
'76 CB550 project
Ohio.
'01 HD Sportster Sport XL1200S
'85 Honda Eilte - needs electrical work
'77 Vespa w/Pinasco 177 kit - seized
'76 CB550 project
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Rabbit_Fighter
- Keeper of the Lava
- Location: Seattle (Wedgwood)
I'll be getting married May 20th, 2006.
1. Where, how, and in what situation did you meet your current partner?
I met up with a buddy at a bar. . . he was meeting up with a friend, who was bringing a friend. We went on to a bowling alley karaoke bar. Under the table, our knees touched, and at the time, I wondered if she noticed, or minded. She wondered the same thing.
My buddy was actively pursuing her at the time, and as a gentleman, I did my best to stay clear. Then one day, he told me that they probably weren't compatable. Two days later, I stopped by her work.
Buddy didn't talk to me for 6 months.
2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!
My self esteem was kind of on the rebound. I had been working as a receptionist and after hours night club doorman (not what I went to college for) and had little direction. My life revolved around, beer, weed, and bikes. I was 25, she was 21, and had a lot of growing up to do as well.
While it didn't happen right away, I think we both were getting kind of tired of the way our lives were going, and ready to start moving forward with life.
3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?
Probably about 3 years. Not because I wasn't sure if it was the right person, but because I wasn't quite ready to think in those terms. We were both doing a lot of growing up, and it was a few years before I was really ready to start looking at my life in the long term.
4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with?
When I really started to feel like we had a family together. I knew that I wanted to have a home with her. I knew that I wanted to have children with her. I knew that she is the mother I want my children to have. I realized how much our lives had changed since we met, and how we came out of all these changes stronger.
Life never stops changing(hopefully), and I figured it is right to spend the rest of it with someone who I know can make it through the changes with and love more for it.
I didn't have a magical single moment (I know people who have had that moment with more than one person), so much as a point of realization.
Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
I think to love someone is just to care about them in a deep way. To be "in love" with them is to be totally focussed on what it is about them that makes you happy. You can fall in and out of love with someone over the course of a relationship, but as long as you still love them and are committed, you can make it through and bring yourself back into that state.
1. Where, how, and in what situation did you meet your current partner?
I met up with a buddy at a bar. . . he was meeting up with a friend, who was bringing a friend. We went on to a bowling alley karaoke bar. Under the table, our knees touched, and at the time, I wondered if she noticed, or minded. She wondered the same thing.
My buddy was actively pursuing her at the time, and as a gentleman, I did my best to stay clear. Then one day, he told me that they probably weren't compatable. Two days later, I stopped by her work.
Buddy didn't talk to me for 6 months.
2. In what life-state were you when you met your current spouse? (Describe your state of mind, outlook on dating, finances, baggage, etc.) Note that this may be very different from when you started dating!
My self esteem was kind of on the rebound. I had been working as a receptionist and after hours night club doorman (not what I went to college for) and had little direction. My life revolved around, beer, weed, and bikes. I was 25, she was 21, and had a lot of growing up to do as well.
While it didn't happen right away, I think we both were getting kind of tired of the way our lives were going, and ready to start moving forward with life.
3. How long before you knew you wanted to marry the person you're with?
Probably about 3 years. Not because I wasn't sure if it was the right person, but because I wasn't quite ready to think in those terms. We were both doing a lot of growing up, and it was a few years before I was really ready to start looking at my life in the long term.
4. How did you "know" this was the person you wanted to share your life with?
When I really started to feel like we had a family together. I knew that I wanted to have a home with her. I knew that I wanted to have children with her. I knew that she is the mother I want my children to have. I realized how much our lives had changed since we met, and how we came out of all these changes stronger.
Life never stops changing(hopefully), and I figured it is right to spend the rest of it with someone who I know can make it through the changes with and love more for it.
I didn't have a magical single moment (I know people who have had that moment with more than one person), so much as a point of realization.
Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
I think to love someone is just to care about them in a deep way. To be "in love" with them is to be totally focussed on what it is about them that makes you happy. You can fall in and out of love with someone over the course of a relationship, but as long as you still love them and are committed, you can make it through and bring yourself back into that state.
"no.
motorcycle the finality not is
motorcycle merely medium to achieve action of riding
motorcycle tool to bend space and time and overcome your own limitations as a mortal
riding more important than medium
spirit by object cannot be beaten."
motorcycle the finality not is
motorcycle merely medium to achieve action of riding
motorcycle tool to bend space and time and overcome your own limitations as a mortal
riding more important than medium
spirit by object cannot be beaten."
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Slash 6
- Magnum Jihad
- Location: Denver, CO
Loving someone lasts indefinitly like how you feel about your best friend or a great pair of riding boots... being in love is that 3.5 seconds post orgasm when you say shit you will regret the rest of your life... but maybe that's just me.Bonus question (stemming from a completely different conversation with a completely different person): How do you describe the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
W.W.T.S.D.
What Would Tony Soprano Do?
01 Speed Triple
04 1150 GS Adventure
72 CB 400
my one car garage is getting crowded
What Would Tony Soprano Do?
01 Speed Triple
04 1150 GS Adventure
72 CB 400
my one car garage is getting crowded
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MouSe
- El Asbestos Pajamas
- Location: Denver, CO
- Contact:
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luc
- El Asbestos Pajamas
- Location: denver -right behind ya -RUN!
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rhinoviper
- Toe-Draggin' Speed Monkey
- Location: Tiny Town
- Contact:
Truly, just pondering life, where mine is at the moment, and relishing in other stories of love, living vicariously, as it were. What are the chance for a girl like me to find such love? Especially when they're described as follows...MouSe wrote:I suppose that the most important question is, did someone ask you to marry them?
Or are you just "Pondering Life"
Inquiring minds want to know.
I have been proposed to once (as well as being told by two others that they would marry me if given the chance and/or felt I would want is as much as they did), and I can't help, from time to time, question the what ifs. There is a reason for the choices we make, whether the reason be right, wrong, or otherwise, it is what it is and we are who we are for the choices we make and for living the lives we live. And so I keep pondering...From my perspective: Your problem isn't really a problem as I see it. You are quite the strong woman, very outgoing and active - not to mention attractive. Of all the guys I know, I don't think there is one of them that has an ego healthy enough to go unbruised by you. In my eyes you are highly admired and promote cases of "I'm not worthy!" In other words, it's hard (for most guys at least) to date a role model. Perhaps living in the mountains plays a bit of a role in that too...
'00 SV650 "Banshee"
'03 Aprilia Tuono "dewey"
_________________
'03 Aprilia Tuono "dewey"
_________________
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problemaddict
- Captain of the UTMC Fighter Squadron
- Location: hatfield, PA
- Contact:
Wow! I need to use this line often. I've been w/ my girl for 12yrs, we just bought a house together, and neither of us care about getting married. If we ever do it will be for some stupid reason like health ins. or taxes, or something. The above quote will be good to throw at teh family members who are always chanting "when, when, when?"maniacles wrote: Most people don't realize that getting married undermines it's logical reason for existence.
Once you are married, you will never know for sure whether your spouse is with you because they Want to be, or because they HAVE to be.
Anyway, to the questions.
1.)We were good friends in high school and became high-school sweethearts senior year.
2.) we were dumb, young, outcast, inexperienced, weirdo kids. I'd had 3 serious relationships before. She had had 2 or 3. Niether of us smoked, drank, or did drugs. We went to punk-rock shows and made out on the couch for hours.
3.) i guess about 4.5yrs into it. The fact that we made it though a long distance relationship (seperate colleges, seperate states) w/ only a few months of rockiness was saying something.
4.) as stupid as it sounds, "you just know". I think its all about COMMUNICATION. If you just slam doors, fume, cool down, and then go on as nothing happened, you'll never make it long term. The next time you fight, it will be worse, because you never solved the last problem. Now you have THIS problem, too, and they just pile up.
If you can fight, slam doors, cool down THEN TALK IT OUT, and this happens repeatedly, and compromises are made and held-to; You can look into the future and see that the relationship will be able to get through thick and thin. And you know you won't end up hating the person or not caring.
Also, be aware of the facts. 50% of marriages fail. Figure out why, discuss, etc. LIsten to the sad ppl around you. I've got co-workers that are on their FOURTH marraige, and they still bitch daily about their current situation. Listen to their situation, evaluate/compare it to your situation. Talk to your lover about your co-workers attitudes and discuss how to keep that from happening. Communication and discussion and compromise keeps everyon on the level and adaptable.
I often think of the pre-nup. Do a little fantasy exercise: Pretend you are filthy, stinkin' rich, and your lover is not. If you think you could easily bring up getting a pre-nup and discuss it, things are probably pretty good. If you think you _couldn't_ bring it up, because the other person would be pissed because you don't have the "We're silly in love and will be together for ever, so i hate you for even suggesting the need for a pre-nup" then there might be problems in the future.
It doesn't have anything to do w/ the money aspect. Just a test of the "reality of life" in the minds of the lovers....
We've been together for 12yrs. I dunno if we'll be together for another 12, 24, or 3. But right now, where we are, the PLAN is to keep it together forever...
so, ummm..., like, yeah.
-Mike
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Hanover Fist
- Maltov Rattlecan
- Location: Nor Cal
- Contact:
So I have avoided marriage like the plague for the first 35 years of my life, but that time has come to an end. I went up to Portland, Oregon the weekend before last and my best friend of the past seventeen years asked me to marry her, and there was no question in my mind about it.
1) I met here in Kalamazoo, MI in 1988. I worked with her brother, who introduced us, at a music shop and she had recently moved to Kalamazoo and in retrospect I believe her brother was trying to set us up. I asked her if she wanted to go out for drinks with a group of friends and myself. It was a high point in my life when she turned to me and said "Fuck off". Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday, and while we never dated, we did become fast friends.
2) Life state when we met? I was a cocky little 19 year old bastard who basically had no regard for anyone or anything besides myself. Thank God we never did date because I would have ruined it-I just know it.
3) How long before I knew I wanted to marry her? Seventeen years. Actually probably fifteen and a half. We took a couple of week cross country trek in 2004 during which I stopped loving her as a friend and started having deeper feelings for her than I had before. We both have been in several long term relationships and were really never single at the same time. I would guess that was fate at work, because I think this just happened to be the perfect moment for all this to happen.
4) How did I know that this was the person I wanted to spend my life with? She is everything that I am looking for in a woman. She is my best friend.She makes me laugh til there are tears running down my face. She actually has gotten more beautiful since I met her. (I believe there has been some secret pact made with the devil.) She actually asked me to marry her while we were sitting in a pub about an hour after I got into town and there was no hesitation, I just knew it was the right thing to do.
Bonus question. Difference between loving someone and being in love with someone: My stomach hurts, but in a good way. I haven't had that feeling in a long, long time.
1) I met here in Kalamazoo, MI in 1988. I worked with her brother, who introduced us, at a music shop and she had recently moved to Kalamazoo and in retrospect I believe her brother was trying to set us up. I asked her if she wanted to go out for drinks with a group of friends and myself. It was a high point in my life when she turned to me and said "Fuck off". Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday, and while we never dated, we did become fast friends.
2) Life state when we met? I was a cocky little 19 year old bastard who basically had no regard for anyone or anything besides myself. Thank God we never did date because I would have ruined it-I just know it.
3) How long before I knew I wanted to marry her? Seventeen years. Actually probably fifteen and a half. We took a couple of week cross country trek in 2004 during which I stopped loving her as a friend and started having deeper feelings for her than I had before. We both have been in several long term relationships and were really never single at the same time. I would guess that was fate at work, because I think this just happened to be the perfect moment for all this to happen.
4) How did I know that this was the person I wanted to spend my life with? She is everything that I am looking for in a woman. She is my best friend.She makes me laugh til there are tears running down my face. She actually has gotten more beautiful since I met her. (I believe there has been some secret pact made with the devil.) She actually asked me to marry her while we were sitting in a pub about an hour after I got into town and there was no hesitation, I just knew it was the right thing to do.
Bonus question. Difference between loving someone and being in love with someone: My stomach hurts, but in a good way. I haven't had that feeling in a long, long time.
The secret of success is getting up one more time than you have fallen down.
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Rabbit_Fighter
- Keeper of the Lava
- Location: Seattle (Wedgwood)
Damn Hanover. . . I'm glad I didn't make it down to Portland to interfere!
Glad to hear that the weekend went so well. Does this mean you'll be moving North any time soon?
Glad to hear that the weekend went so well. Does this mean you'll be moving North any time soon?
"no.
motorcycle the finality not is
motorcycle merely medium to achieve action of riding
motorcycle tool to bend space and time and overcome your own limitations as a mortal
riding more important than medium
spirit by object cannot be beaten."
motorcycle the finality not is
motorcycle merely medium to achieve action of riding
motorcycle tool to bend space and time and overcome your own limitations as a mortal
riding more important than medium
spirit by object cannot be beaten."
-
Hanover Fist
- Maltov Rattlecan
- Location: Nor Cal
- Contact:
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Dobbs
- Barista of Doom
- Location: Aurora
maniacles wrote: Once you are married, you will never know for sure whether your spouse is with you because they Want to be, or because they HAVE to be.
If this is the case, then I suggest a person deal with their own insecurities, not their spouse. My wife and I were together for almost seven years and lived together for three years before we got married. I think that was a huge factor in our success so far. We enjoy a good marriage. Mainly because we remember that there are two different people involved. I think so many times two people think that they have to be of one mind once they get married, that both loose track of themselves. People don't have to change when they marry; they just have to learn to share and compromise. Things are not always perfect. We have rough times! Anyone that says they don't is a fucking liar. The bottom line for us is this! No matter what comes our way, good or bad, we are there for each other. "Being in love, is when two people will stand up for each other. Right or wrong and are totally convinced of each others worth." Smug? I think not!
Does it scare you? That I'm able to discern, what to love and what to burn!
Dobbs
07 Shadow Sabre VT 1100
Dobbs
07 Shadow Sabre VT 1100