They stole my cat.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:09 pm

Yep. Gone. I looked out the window while doing dishes and he was out there in the yard clowning around with two teenage girls.
My wife comes home 20 minutes later and I tell her about it, she says, "Ohhh, I saw them carrying him down by (x) house." That's like half a mile down the road. She goes down, knocks on a couple doors and finds the girls. "Oh, he ran away back at the intersection of 105 and (our) road." My wife looks at them, says "I saw you. I drove right past you, you were carrying my cat. Where is he?" They go on about him running off into the woods or some bullshit. She comes home.
I'm like, "Well, if he's out there he might come if I call him...I'll be right back."
Hilarity ensues.
I go be-bopping down the road, flashlight in hand, calling the cat, eventually come to the double-wide where my cat's abductors live. The two girls were out with a flashlight running around, presumably looking for the cat they'd absconded with. "You find my cat," I asked. "I heard you had my cat. I'm here looking for him." Instantly they start babbling about how they didn't know where he was, that they didn't have him, but they did see him, so on and so forth. I let them go for about ninety seconds. I didn't think anyone else was home and I didn't see this going anywhere. "I'll be back," I said, and went walking back down the road toward home.
About a minute later I hear the door slam on the double wide, hear "Sonofabitch..where is he?" and see the big black pickup backing out of the drive.
I'm like, "fuck this!" and jump off the side of the road into some high brush, which is also quite wet and squishy. I'm wearing khakis and a green fleece pullover with a reflective stripe.
Truck goes flying down the road.
I jump up, run across the road, dive for cover again. He's looking for me. Now I'm basically in a swamp. I turn my fleece inside-out and HEY I've got a cell phone.
Call 911.
"yeah, I'm hiding in a ditch while some guy drives up and down the road looking for me."
Now the guy is out of the fucking truck, walking around. I'm only like 200 yds from his house.
I'm not inclined at this point to get back on the road, so I hang tight and wait for him to give up.
Eventually I go home, talk to the sherriff, tell him what was going on and feel like an ass because if I'd just talked to the guy in the first place this could have been avoided. But I wasn't about to hang around and find out what he was going to say after the display I saw/heard.
Fucking kids stole my cat, lied about it, and I end up soaking wet in a ditch. What the fuck.
This guy is one of the local coyote "hunters." Insane backwoods redneck creep. Who knows what his kids said to him, I don't know why he stormed out like that but I can only imagine.
I just want my fucking cat back. If I don't see him in three days that guy's dogs are on the list.

My Little Pony · Post by **My Little Pony** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:16 pm

Holy shit, man! Is this the coyote hunter down by Luce's dairy farm? I think you did the right thing hiding in the ditch. It's never a good idea to get in a tangle with crazy people, because well, they're crazy. Holy shit!

guitargeek · Post by **guitargeek** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:26 pm

Doesn't that guy operate a meth lab?

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:29 pm

Yeah Mike, that's the guy. The one with the dead coyote hanging from the basketball hoop, front porch, etc.
I go off to find the cat, next thing the fucking Sherriff is in the driveway, Dayle's all freaked out...
It was kind of fun/funny but I wouldn't do it again. The guy's a fucking psycho.

And yeeeaaahh... I do believe there are some industrial smells coming from that trailer.... Lol...

rolly · Post by **rolly** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:33 pm

That is fucked up!

Jaeger · Post by **Jaeger** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:42 pm

That is absolutely unacceptable.

If, in fact, rescue is impossible, revenge is mandatory.

I'm hoping for rescue, but that's good and truly fucked up, man, and I'm sorry to hear it.

Good luck to you and the feline; anybody fucks with my cat and it will end poorly for them if I ever find out.

--Jaeger

motorpsycho67 · Post by **motorpsycho67** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:48 pm

Jaeger wrote: If, in fact, rescue is impossible, revenge is mandatory.

Yep

Woe be to anyone who fucks with my cat

guitargeek · Post by **guitargeek** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:52 pm

GG signals emphatic agreement.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:59 pm

I don't know how this will turn out. There's a stream between here and there, and unless he's on the road he isn't going to find his way back.
I have the patience of a chopping block.

Pattio · Post by **Pattio** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 4:02 am

I wish you the best of outcomes on this.

rc26 · Post by **rc26** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 4:06 am

Sounds like you're dealing with one backwoods country fuck. Good luck with the feline recovery.

Jonny · Post by **Jonny** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 4:26 am

Hell, this situation sounds a bit mental. Hope you find your cat and lose your crazy neighbour.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 5:57 am

Cat recovery complete. He showed up this morning, wet and stinking of someone else's house. Apparently he made a successful bid for freedom, as was stated last night, but I don't think it was as simple as that.
All's well that ends well.

I only hope that the crazy guy isn't all that crazy and maybe he thinks I'm the crazy one. I mean, who shows up and looks for their cat at your door, and then just disappears? That might be seen as sort of creepy.

I don't think there was any malicious intent at work here on the part of the girls, just plain old stupid. And by the time I showed up they realized they had a problem and teenage girls doing what they do best, just completely dropped the ball. Who knows what the fuck they said to their old man to make him fly out of the house like that. But the guy, he's probably an asshole. Haven't heard anything good about him.

I like living out here, but sometimes you have to deal with bullshit.

These particular people are feckless. There was a woman who lived in the trailer at one point, and one time when my wife and older son (who was only about a year and a half, maybe two) were at the neighboring dairy getting milk or whatever she happened to be there as well. Without even asking and with no warning, she picked my son up and started carrying him around the place, showing him the various animals, etc. My wife was pretty pissed but somehow managed to hold her tongue. So yeah, my area seems to have more than its share of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, stupid people who just do whatever the fuck they want. And they have kids.

goose · Post by **goose** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:32 am

man i was hoping that was going to be the outcome. I'm so happy you got your cat back. Fucking around with psycho neighbors, while fun and likely to result in an arrest, no better outcome could have happened except the one that did. Kitties rock!

I know i really miss mine

Jaeger · Post by **Jaeger** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:44 am

Glad to hear the feline returned. Stories like that make my blood run cold -- sounds like he's indoor/outdoor (as is my cat) so keeping him in would likely be difficult at best. I just hope you're right and no maliciousness was intended.

Oy. People suck. :L

--Jaeger

calamari kid · Post by **calamari kid** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 9:34 am

Hooray for the happy return! Being an unapologetic cat person, I got a bit of a knot in my stomach when I first read this last night. I'd have a hard time not coming unglued on someone I thought had filched one of our herd. Is he chipped? If not, it might be worth looking in to. Not only will it establish ownership should the neighbors make a second attempt, if he does manage to get lost and wind up at a shelter they'll know where to return him.

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:26 am

if you have a garage, maybe let him out into it instead for awhile.

but he may have learned to avoid those particular people. cats aren't terribly dumb. especially when water and the fear of water is involved...

MoraleHazard · Post by **MoraleHazard** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:44 am

Glad you got your cat back. Call me paranoid, but I think the girls intended to take the cat, when confronted, they freaked and invented a cover story to their dad.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 12:23 pm

^ Most likely scenario.

And he's an inside/outside cat. Being creatures of habit, you can't change his routine around now. The yowling is enough to make you want to gouge your eyes out, especially at 6 a.m. If the yowling doesn't make you get up and let him out, he will stick a paw under the bedroom door and shake it.
And then, just for inconveniencing him he'll wind his way between your feet when you try to go down the stairs.
Vehicular homicide is the #1 cause of death to our cats, historically, with one being undetermined.

MagnusTheBuilder · Post by **MagnusTheBuilder** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 2:11 pm

Hopefully the fuckery is over with the neighbor. Glad your kitty came home.

piccini9 · Post by **piccini9** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 4:08 pm

fuckin' people

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 5:02 pm

I am glad you got your pet back. People can certainly be dick-holes when the mood and/or lack of education strikes them. You should get him chipped and registered before another day passes.

On the other hand, what is it with you people and your cats? More to the point, what is it with cats in general? I am living with one right now, and the fucking thing is a pest. Don't get me wrong, I love animals and wish it no harm, and I pay attention to it when I get back here from work (I am living with friends). But it seriously drives me nuts, jumps on my neck in the middle of the night when I am asleep, weaves in between my legs when I am climbing the stairs, paws at my food when I am making my lunch in the morning, goddamn tongue feels like a flat-file when it licks my hand. Probably pisses in my pile of clean clothes when I am gone, too. Why can't it just lay there in a quiet lump of meat until I want something soft to place my hand on?

MagnusTheBuilder · Post by **MagnusTheBuilder** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 5:54 pm

Bigshankhank wrote:On the other hand, what is it with you people and your cats? More to the point, what is it with cats in general? I am living with one right now, and the fucking thing is a pest. Don't get me wrong, I love animals and wish it no harm, and I pay attention to it when I get back here from work (I am living with friends). But it seriously drives me nuts, jumps on my neck in the middle of the night when I am asleep, weaves in between my legs when I am climbing the stairs, paws at my food when I am making my lunch in the morning, goddamn tongue feels like a flat-file when it licks my hand. Probably pisses in my pile of clean clothes when I am gone, too.

Agreed...

I'm glad the cat debacle was concluded in a fortuitous manner.

That being said... I severely dislike cats. Why do you ask? Well, I know you didn't ask but I'm going to tell you anyway.

1 simple thing. Cats hate you for being there. Cats fucking hate you. You are the thing that is keeping them from doing whatever they want. And since you are there, they want to fuck with you, hurt you, make you look stupid... and they do it all with an utter disdain for your existence. Unless they want something and then you are the thing that is keeping them from what they want and must be destroyed. A relationship with a cat is built on hatred, whereas a relationship with a dog is built on love. The end results can occasionally look similar but the motives behind them are very much opposite.

Are you in the kitchen? Is there a cat nearby? Yes? It is hunting you. Don't think so? Just wait. Nope, it didn't do anything... except stare at you from the doorway. It's still hunting you. Did you finish whatever you were doing in there? Good. Ok. Now to head back into the living room, wait... don't you have a bookshelf near the doorway? Is the cat waiting there to claw you in the face? Maybe? Ok, brace for it when you walk through the door. Ah cool. It didn't claw at my face. Where is it? It was just here. Oh well. I'll just sit down on the couch and watch some television. *CRASH* Sonofabitch... what did they break now? I need to go look to see what they broke. Nope, I can't find it over here, but it sounded like glass. Great, what did I have on this shelf that was glass? Can't think of anything. Damnit. I'm sure I'm going to find that glass shard in the middle of the kitchen tomorrow morning when they play with it until they move it in there and then get bored with it. Ok, I'll deal with that later, for now... relaxing. Are you relaxing on your couch? Is everything fine? Wait? Really think about that? When was the last time you saw the cat? It sure has been a while. Oh well. I'm sure it is just sleeping. Wow that was a great movie I think I'm going to go to bed... HOLY FUCK WHAT IS BITING MY FUCKING FOOT! DEAR GOD IT'S BLEEDING. MY ACHILLES! So you start waving your leg around and the cat finally lets go and bounces off a lamp knocking it over and breaking it. The cat nonchalantly stands there, looks at you and licks it's lips, stretches casually and saunters off in some random direction as if it had no place else to be. You scramble to remove your sock that is now covered in blood and find some sort of ointment and gauze to threat the puncture wounds that you now have.

Living with a cat is being locked in a room with a bored sadistic sociopath with knives and murderous inclinations.

roadmissile · Post by **roadmissile** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:03 pm

MagnusTheBuilder wrote:Living with a cat is being locked in a room with a bored sadistic sociopath with knives and murderous inclinations.

So you're saying it's safer than being locked in a room with myself?

/RM

MagnusTheBuilder · Post by **MagnusTheBuilder** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:11 pm

Rev wrote:I have no such anthropomorphic delusions about my cat.

Perhaps you should.

That is what it is counting on.

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:40 pm

Rev wrote:You only think your dog loves you because centuries of domestication have made it a ridiculous parasite.

And what is wrong with that? I would prefer to have an animal that is bound to me by virtue of its lack of ability to survive without my attention/care. Call it love, call it mere inept dependence, whatever it works for me. The beautiful thing about a dog, it will love you if you give it a slice of bacon, and it will love you just as much if you give it nothing at all. Give a cat a slice of bacon (bad example as they don't like bacon which is a perfectly good enough reason to distrust them) ok give a cat a can of tuna, and your ass better make with the tuna from then on or suffer endless nights of wailing as a reprisal.
Also, my dogs will overcome their worst fears to defend my life if they see me in danger. In the eyes of the cat, seeing me being attacked is a matter of whether or not I am fit to be their provider, and should the interloper prevail then its off to a new home as though the cat views itself as some kind of prize to be won.

Sisyphus · Post by **Sisyphus** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:47 pm

After reading all this and laughing my ass off, I have to say that I used to be a dog person but lifestyle changes have forced me to be a cat person.
Dogs are too much like kids. Don't get me wrong I love kids and dogs, but I have kids, and my dog died while I was at sea, but I have to say leaving a cat unto his own devices for a long weekend away from the house is a MILLION TIMES EASIER than dealing with a fucking dog.
And I don't have to go outside in the spring and pick up a thousand piles of shit. During the winter there's fresh, fluffy snow. And no dogshit.
I can take the car to the store without a dog slobbering all over the windows.
The cat hates the car and must be transported in a cage, and doesn't drool.
He doesn't bark at the door every time he hears something he thinks is a threat.
He doesn't beg.
He doesn't sleep on the couch all goddamned day, or spend hours licking his balls and asshole.
He will kill and eat rodents. Effectively.
He comes when called. Yeah, he does.
He doesn't bite ankles or bark incessantly.
He can climb a ladder and hand me tools.
He plays the piano.
He opens my beers.
He'll rub my shoulders after a long, hard day at the mill.
If I ask he can wipe my ass after I take a dump with his silky, smooth tail and then go get me a cup of coffee.
After which we make love and talk about how much we hate dogs.

I have the best cat in the whole, wide world.

Bigshankhank · Post by **Bigshankhank** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:02 pm

Sisyphus wrote: I have the best cat in the whole, wide world.

OK, based on your description I'll concede that point. Shit, based on your description you should lobby your local provincial ministers (or whatever you have for a government in what the rest of the world calls "Canada's Kentucky") to legalize human-feline marriage. Then take it to a balloon festival, lay out a picnic lunch and propose to it by the glow of the balloons launching at dusk. Then marry it. Guitargeek can play at the wedding. Your cat would probably look rather dashing in a tux, although for prudence sake you probably shouldn't try to get away with wearing white because of, you know, and what people would say.

I owned one cat in my life, and he was cool for the time I had him, but he was eaten by a coyote and I figure having not been a cat person to begin with, why risk getting another one that will most likely NOT die such an admirable death?

sun rat · Post by **sun rat** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:10 pm

my dog has somehow evolved into an avowed atheist. or maybe the anti-christ... he is the only holy roller detector i have ever heard of.

if someone comes to the door and he goes into frothing frenzy mode, it's 100% guaranteed the person's business card will have a fish on it.

and my sister(yes, a holy roller). after months of her trying to befriend him, he finally got sick of her ignoring his vocal threats and chased her up onto the kitchen counter. she calls ahead now.

best. dog. ever.

MagnusTheBuilder · Post by **MagnusTheBuilder** » Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:20 pm

Sisyphus wrote:Dogs are too much like kids.

True but cats are like bitchy ex-wives.

Sisyphus wrote:And no dogshit.

Dogshit is gross... but it is outside, putting your foot into your shoe to find a hairball waiting for you is gross-er.
A cat will literally stand on your chest while you sleep and vomit onto your face.

Sisyphus wrote:I can take the car to the store without a dog slobbering all over the windows.

True, but you can't get a cat into a car without a tranquilizer and an assortment of new scratches on your forearm.

Sisyphus wrote:The cat hates the car and must be transported in a cage, and doesn't drool.

Exactly.

Sisyphus wrote:He doesn't bark at the door every time he hears something he thinks is a threat.

Agreed, cats make awful alarm systems.

Sisyphus wrote:He doesn't beg.

Right... he DEMANDS!

Sisyphus wrote:He doesn't sleep on the couch all goddamned day, or spend hours licking his balls and asshole.

Yes he does... he's just ashamed and stops when you come home so he can go puke into your pillowcase.

Sisyphus wrote:He will kill and eat rodents. Effectively.

He will kill and eat intruders. Effectively.

Sisyphus wrote:He comes when called. Yeah, he does.

Individual cats can occasionally do things that are interesting. Just like Individual dogs can ignore all commands. Bad/Good owners.

Sisyphus wrote:He doesn't bite ankles or bark incessantly.

Maybe not but he probably stands in a different room and meows until you go in there to see what is going on and he walks past you and rubs his body on your leg (indicating that you belong to him) as he leaves with no explanation of what he was meowing about.

Sisyphus wrote:He can climb a ladder and hand me tools.
He plays the piano.
He opens my beers.
He'll rub my shoulders after a long, hard day at the mill.
If I ask he can wipe my ass after I take a dump with his silky, smooth tail and then go get me a cup of coffee.
After which we make love and talk about how much we hate dogs.

Damn, your cat has thumbs? Ok... that is awesome.
Is your cat a capuchin monkey?
I'll bet the coffee is a quad-shot-no-whip-mocha. (not for any reason other than it is the drink the most pretentious person I have ever met drinks.)

Sisyphus wrote:I have the best cat in the whole, wide world.

It sounds like it... with that last little bit it has to be.

Login

They stole my cat.

They stole my cat.